Marriage Shifts During Quit - Normal or Not - My Quit Going STRONG - Half Dose Chantix - A OK

[Stac2]

Yes, my last few blogs have been ultra positive.  Thank you family for all the support messages this week.  Means the world to me.  I am still feeling wonderful about my quit.  Cutting the Chantix in half is only making a mild difference re: cravings around the 5-7 pm previous "happy hour" time, then that passes and all good.  I also notice a strong craving after a heavy dinner restaurant meal (trigger from past days and fortunately this is only about one time a week we eat dinner out) but that was happening even before I cut the dose so that is not a Chantix issue anyway, just something I work through.  I just swat nicodemon away, pass thru the cravings rather than focus/dwell on them, stay busy, and next thing you know - they're gone.  I haven't even had to bite a lemon yet!  I am sleeping a little bit better but still not back at 100% but I'll take better!  I have had some night sweats but that is either detox still occurring or related to another health issue my doctor discovered yesterday which is hopefully a small infection that will go away with 5 days of antibiotics.  I am handling lots of juggling balls and some stressful situations without even thinking about cigs.  Only once tonight, during a wicked fight with my husband after a heavy dinner restaruant meal (trigger) did I even think of the thought of a smoke and the craving was strong but I said to nicodemon hell no - I've come too far nicodemon, and nicodemon you don't even belong here cuz a cigarette won't change a damn thing and will only make things worse cuz I'll feel defeated and I will unravel all this good I've done and I am looking forward to seeing that "30" on my clock in a few days.  Within about 20 minutes, craving gone.  Yea!

Now, to my family, I am going to share something personal in case someone has faced this before cuz I feel depressed about this and maybe just maybe someone out there has experienced this???

PLEASE UNDERSTAND - I know smoking won't solve this,  so not writing cuz of wanting to or being tempted to, etc. and not romancing cigs or anything of the sort.  It really is just a question about whether quitting can affect a marriage in weird ways.  I can see how it would affect a marriage where one is quitting and both are smokers, but I am quitting and my husband wanted me to and he is a non-smoker.  So, like I'd written before, in the beginning there was all this support from him and romance was being rekindled (I no longer smelled like ashtray), etc.  Then, things kinda just went to flat.  So, the magic died but - I forged on, went on the roller coaster, but still got stronger esp this past week.

For the past two weeks (with exception of just a few days here where things were peaceful) my husband and I have been bickering like crazy. I swear I would tell you if I was instigating this because of my quit. I swear I am not.  I am actually way more calm now in our disagreements than I was when I was a smoker. Those of you familiar with me know I am my own worst critic and if I felt like I was the instigator of these or escalating them I would own up to that.  I am not.  I am not raising my voice, cursing, or criticizing my husband.  He is doing the opposite.  I swear you guys, you would think he is the one quitting.  He is soooo critical of me during our disagreements lately.  Things like "you are wasting your time on that", "you idiot", "you need to just do X", "quit doing Y", "why are you so negative", "why don't you just let it go", etc.  I feel like I am being criticized for everything I do - I cannot make a correct move.  And "let it go" to the Venus mind means - "you have no valid reason to feel the way you do - what's wrong with you."  YES I know we can be ultra sensitive during our quits.  Family, I am calm, cool, collected.  I am not being over sensitive.  My husband is being an ass.

This is hard because I feel isolated and I swear every time I try to talk to my husband about this and try to figure out what is wrong he gets catty, grumpy, frustrated, walks out of the room, says I'm criticizing him, tells me to relax (um, seriously, I am relaxed cuz I'm off nicotine) and then - he turns 100% back on me - I am all in the wrong, can't do things right - then points to every character flaw I have.  I am not making any personalized "attacks" on him.  I promise. This is not usual. Yes, my husband has his moments and he can be condescending at times where he has foot in mouth syndrome but not for so many days in a string.  When we have had arguments in the past and I explain my feelings, we share, work thru it, apologize, and we work things out and then he actually makes a positive, unforced, sincere change re: things that need tweaks and I do the same for him,  and we move on. 

Not now.  Now if I even try to open the door to talk about this string of fights I am trampled on.  I feel like a dog kicked when it is down.  I say dog kicked while down because first, I feel sad about the argument that begins, and then on top comes the total frustration launced at me (rolling eyes, flailing arms, walking out of the room), and then, on top of that insults directed at me.   I don't know what to do.

I am improving my body, my health, no more smoke breath, and a much calmer human being with a better outlook but all of the sudden my husband and I cannot get along. I am sad that I am putting all these other great pieces of my life together but it feels like I am getting kicked while I'm down because no matter what I do I am getting criticized.  Kicked while I'm down isn't quite the right expression but I am sad that I am making so many positive changes but that are also challenging, which changes should be improving our marriage (look better, feel better, eating better, no more ashtray smell, no more bad breath, etc) and yet, things are going downhill.  Romance - dead as a fish on the beach.

I am trying so hard.  So hard.  On so many things inc. keeping my total calm...Tonight at dinner when my husband said "let it go" guess what. I did. I changed the topic and asked him all kinds of questions about his upcoming trip this next weekend. Know what he said? "The conversation will just have to flow from here." Know how many times he spoke to me after that? Two sentences - same one - "how's your dinner" repeated twice. The remainder of the meal - total silence.  My heart was in my stomach.  After all the fighting I was just hoping praying that tonight's dinner would be a good break, get out of the house, eat a nice meal, enjoy and laugh as we usually do.  NOT!

I remain proud as hell of me for keeping my nutrition at 100%, continuing to work out, and keep my quit going despite the foregoing.  I think that is HUGE.  I quit for ME but also my husband.  I wanted to save my life.  I wanted to live better.  I wanted freedom.  I was sick and tired of smoking - it is a pain in the ass habit.  But I will admit, I also wanted to get the candlelight back some that had flickered because I did not feel good about me and I knew that if I lost weight, got in shape, dropped the nasty cigs that a great side benefit would be rekindling the flame.

I am sad about this time in my marriage as we are just weeks away from our third anniversary.  We are taking a trip at the end of the month and I was so excited about it but now - I think why go at this time if things are so bad?  I know after tonight I cannot speak with my husband about this again because he will only get upset again and I am not up for any more insults, rolling of the eyes, huge sighs and brushing off my feelings with the words "let it go" - if I hear that phrase one more time - ugh.  But there is no way to solve this by burying it.  What a trap.  Damned if you bring it up damned if you don't.

Unless there is some beam of hope??? - he is going thru a hard time at work - could it be this will just go away over time???  (I will say he has been under a tremendous amount of work stress for the past month and is so upset about it won't even speak of it at all).

I will say this - my husband assures me he loves me and I do believe he does.  He says he is attracted to me and there is evidence that he is.  This is not normal par for the course which is why I am wondering if there is something weird going on in any way related to my quit - OR... is this just something going on in him that I have to let pass???  Figured I'd launch this on here to see if any others have seen this before= maybe yes, maybe no.  But I figured it's worth asking...

Appreciate all the support on my quit and I'm staying the course.  I am proud of me.  I really am.  Appreciate also any prayers on this issue I face - it's not really fun and I need some damn fun.  Quitting is good but not easy, eating healthy is easy but can be challenging at times, and my workouts - whoa - hard during but after- shangri la.  What I mean by damn fun is - some doggone peace in this house and a nice night out at dinner without a snappy person across the table.