Hello everyone! It's been a while - Just coming up for air, end of 2nd week in my new job! It's been great and so busy. I have been smoke free since Jan 7, and have been so strong. I've been feeling confident, and then bam. I took a few drags of a cigarette last Sunday. It was a hand rolled cigarette, and I immediately felt sick and nauseous. I was at a dinner party and I thought it would feel so good. It didn't.
I've realized that that after work cigarette was/is an important one for me. I didn't smoke during the day, and now when I get on the train at the end of the day, that feeling, that urge, that smell, comes back to me. It still surprises me. It shouldn't. I'm hungry, my feet are tired, and I'm thinking about what I'm doing when I get home. I used to use that finally at home cig to take a moment to do something else (smoke) while I decided how I was going to spend the rest of my evening. Am I cooking? What's on the menu? Going out? Where? What's on the agenda for the next day at work? Clients? It was a way to take a few minutes to not think about anything for a minute. So, now what? I don't know.
I know I didnt' reset my quit clock after those few drags. For me, that wasn't a relapse and it didnt mean I was back to smoking. I just keep moving forward.
To be honest, the Smoking Cessation Program I joined isn't really helping me. I think it is b/c the class is geared towards learning how to quit even if you don't want to quit. That seems contradictory to me, although I imagine if you're paying $250 for an 8 week class then there is something within you that wants to quit smoking. I already had 2 weeks in when the class started, and I couldn't relate to all of these people who were still struggling with the decision to quit. I think it is useful for others, but I don't get that reinforcement of my decision. Maybe b/c I had already made my decision? I thought it would be more of a support group for those who had already quit.
I don't know. I'm just rambling. I feel like I'm on a slippery slope. I want to get back to feeling confident.
