Lost

[Christine13]

How do you start again?  Where do you find comfort when there isn't any?

Well, you just begin.  One day you wake up and your health is failing, but you know you've gotta do better.  My comfort and security is gone.  It doesn't lay in cigarettes or booze, or any of those things.  My comfort was my man Brian.  He is gone.  I figure the new way I comfort myself is up in my bedroom, under my comforter.

My self-esteem is shot.  Recently a good friend of mine was diagnosed with COPD and lung cancer.  I want to be there for him.  So my comfort is secondary.  I told him about this site and I hope he comes here.

I want to be able to drive him to his appointments, but quite honestly now during this covid thing, it has me scared to drive again.  Ahhh yes, avoidance, my best tool.

Just telling you I am really scared these days, don't feel good in my head or body.

I just keep getting up daily, it's like the movie groundhog day.

Ok, just needed to vent.  Tomorrow is a new day, I will do better. 

[PrincessJasmine]

Thank you for being brave and honest enough to share all of that. I admire your strength to know exactly how you feel and be able to put it into words. 
I don’t know if this helps.. but I will pray for you. And yes, tomorrow is a new day and we all have our days. Lord knows I have plenty. Hang in there.. you’re not lost. You knew where to go. 🙏🏼🧚🏽

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Hugs Christine.

It is a time of uncertainty and change for all of us.

I feel your loss and know Brian was your reason to keep going.

I think helping your friend would be helping yourself.

I'd say if you'll put a mask on your car, and drive carefully, you should have nothing to fear.

[sweetplt]

[MarilynH]

Humongous caring hug coming your way Chris 🤗💝 @Christine13 I'm so glad that you posted this, we are here for you I'm so sorry about your friend and I know that you miss Brian and that you are struggling without him plus this damned Covid is really making things even worse BUT you can and must keep moving forward, get outside and take some deep breaths get out for a walk keep busy watch some comedy TV do anything to keep your mind as well as your hands occupied, call a friend give me a call anytime. ❤

[Sootie]

Christine- I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope by the time you read this response....things are looking a bit brighter. We all have those really down moments.

I know that you miss your husband. But from all that you have told us about him, I really think he would want you to get up and get on with it.  You are still a person unique in yourself and you have more life to live. Brian was a part of your story....but he was not your whole story. There really is more happiness out there.

I can't remember where you are located.....is the covid vaccine available to you? this would make you feel safer maybe.

I am sorry about your friend's illness....I just had a good friend have a relapse into lung cancer again......very, very sad.

One foot in front of the other Christine.......look for the small pleasures and remember that Brian would want you to be happy.

[Christine13]

thank you every one!!  @Sootie I had my first vaccination on April 15th.  I have decided not to give up, but to keep fighting for another day.  I have been neglecting hair and makeup, and a whole lot of other things.  You are right, Brian wouldn't want me to give up.  He would want me to step up to the plate and do it again!

Thanks so much for your feedback.  After I got it, I took my granny cart (lol) up to the store and grocery shopped.

As Brian's Mom would say "It will all come out in the wash".  Yes it will.

She was a very wise woman.

Christine

[Barbscloud]

@Christine13  Sorry you're feeling so down.   I know how  hard it is at first, but we need to move on.  You are a wonderful person separate from anyone else and deserve to be happy.   Try to set some goals for each day, no matter how small.   Achieving those goals, builds our confidence and independence.  

I would put your mask on and help your friend. It's going to help him, give you a purpose, and helping others just makes you feel good.

Glad you reached out to share this morning.

Barb

[maryfreecig]

I hear you. At times loneliness, grief can be all consuming? And going through the motions, half a smile is a kick in the **bleep**. I hope the universe hears your cry and answers your prayer. But, don't forget to listen--because it's answer is for you and you alone.