One of yesterday's blogs got me to thinking. About how long I've been quit, how this year feels so much different than last year and the year before.
This year I am also having craves. Not urgent ones. The soft hinting that it's only one, what could just one do......I thought I would be over it by now. The new has worn off my quit and it isn't so shiny anymore. It's sort of old hat......
The only reason I don't freak out over it is because over a year and half ago, I had conversations of sorts with ckoalaco (Peggy), Mothergoose9 (Connie), jonescarp aka dale, and some other 'long-timers' back in the day. pir8fan and I were just getting to know each other as I have had severe ongoing issues that kept me off the site for long periods of time. I'd catch him on the Freedom Train once in a while.
My stress level was higher than it had ever been. Go back and read my blogs if you'd like. I lost an awful lot and the situation just kept getting worse. I don't care to ever relive that time again. 🙂
My craves were hitting me pretty hard. At 1 1/2 years, I thought I'd be over that.
Paraphrasing here, but Peggy, Connie and Dale at various points told me the craves will always be there. Waiting for a weak moment. Waiting for you to decide you can have just one and it won't be a problem. Even though you know better. Because we are addicts.
It doesn't matter if it's been 6 months, 2 years or 8....those thoughts come quickly. And if you let them stew about in your head instead of kicking them to the curb, they can eat at you. Kick them to the curb the second they hit your brain, because you can choose which thoughts you focus on.
This is the most recent one that hit me hard.
Read the below blog:
https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Misty_Dawn_Quit_Date_07-29-10-blog/2013/02/26/i-had-a-doozy...
I have no shame or embarrassment over these craves. 🙂 I used to. I stopped when I realized the shame and embarrassment was giving the craves power. As far as I've heard, they happen to every long time quitter, these thoughts occasionally. But they are just thoughts.
They have no power over me because I know who they are and where they come from. 'Memory Craves' or 'Year of Firsts', they are all the same stuff.....the addicted mind coming back to hit you one more time.
Sneak attack. Well I got your number! And I don't do that anymore. 2 1/2 minutes to to the milisecond is never worth what I've gained!
They hit me when I've gotten bored with my life and I want something new, when I really want that dopamine rush and pleasure rush. They hit me when I'm sad or down. They hit when I'm stressed.
They hit me when I'm not paying attention! When I have forgotten about them. When I am vunerable.
All I have to do to kick it to the curb is REMEMBER WHY I QUIT. And DumDums.....but hey, DumDums have always been my favorite sucker anyway!
Lesson: Always guard that quit and keep it the forefront.
1043 days since I stopped making excuses to smoke.
