Few of us have survived this calender year of 2011 without experiencing some changes. Quitting smoking and open back surgery were two positive events for me, but I've had my share of losses too.
We lost our two feline companions of almost 19 years and I am grief-stricken. The grief seizes me at the most surprizing moments and the intensity of sadness I experience is overwhelming. Sometimes it is difficult to understand what positive result could possibly come from these dark moments, but they can, and they do.
There wasn't another being that could have provided me with more compassion and companionship than "Hopper" did. When I was stricken with breast cancer 3 years ago Hopper was there at my side when my husband couldn't be. Sometimes her fur was soaked with my tears.
Three weeks ago our beloved Hopper Cat died in our arms after a repeated bout of kidney disease. When she was ready to go she let us know in a very personal manner, and with great reluctance we said our goodbyes. The last trip of many to our vet was filled with silence. We'd done as much as we could to keep her with us; the daily fluid injections and the medications...but her time had come.
This was the first time I'd ever seen my otherwise aloof husband cry his eyes out. As difficult as it was to see, it was a beautiful thing to discover this tender quality in my husband of 42 years.
I also saw a beautiful thing in myself. I'd survived this heart wrenching emotion without wasting one moment of life on the thought of smoking a cigarette! It occurs to me that I am now LIVING LIFE TO ITS FULLEST.
Grief doesn't end suddenly, but each day gets a little easier and that is what keeps me going. It is another lesson learned in separating from addiction. It has given me strength to overcome anything else that the future has in store.
On past attempts to quit smoking I allowed a crisis to thwarth my good intentions. But, you know what? There is always going to be crisis. It's what life does...
