... and it would all be smooth and happy sailing from here - a mega double whammy crave hit me last night. It was so bad, I could have punched a whole in the wall out of anger over not being able to smoke a cigarette. I am not even sure what brought it on after 38 mostly happy smoke free days!!! Damn, I thought this would be past me by now. But evidently not, which is depressing on one hand, on the other one it's pretty darn amazing that I did NOT go to the gas station and bought a pack. The saving thought was actually envisioning smoking that cigarette, which flooded me with so much shame and guilt just picturing it, that I was able to let it go!
What brought it on? I am not sure exactly, but frustration certainly played a part. Our truck got smashed and since my husband needs to go to work, I am currently house-bound without a car. Financial pressures and employment issues suddenly seemed to multiply. Then, my computer crashed (and obviously has regained consciousness), and our cat Skittles managed to climb and topple our 7-foot corn palm plant. After that, I just lost it, needed to get out of the house - with the sole intention of driving to the gas station for a pack of smokes. Told myself again and again that that's not what I want to do, and I guess that is what stopped me in the end. In any case, I am still with it and proud of being here. Here's my pic of the day - a little broken up, just like I felt yesterday evening:
What brought it on? I am not sure exactly, but frustration certainly played a part. Our truck got smashed and since my husband needs to go to work, I am currently house-bound without a car. Financial pressures and employment issues suddenly seemed to multiply. Then, my computer crashed (and obviously has regained consciousness), and our cat Skittles managed to climb and topple our 7-foot corn palm plant. After that, I just lost it, needed to get out of the house - with the sole intention of driving to the gas station for a pack of smokes. Told myself again and again that that's not what I want to do, and I guess that is what stopped me in the end. In any case, I am still with it and proud of being here. Here's my pic of the day - a little broken up, just like I felt yesterday evening:
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