Hi all! Okay so yes another day without a cig. its wierd this "mis-hap" or "relapse" of mine last week lasted about four days, i think... anyway i think well so far im back on track but i just feel like crap!! I'm so tired.. literally. im still taking the chantix (i havnt stopped taking it since april) so thats not a new thing, well however i did start taking it twice a day again instead of once. maybe thats it. i was driving home today and i had a scratch on my collar bone, so of course you itch a scratch right? well it was like i was hitting a bruise. i feel like that almost everywhere. its wierd! i dont feel sick.. i just feel like i've been run over by a truck, like i have a bunch of bruises all over that arent visable. ya i know im wierd. but only sometimes, i promise.
i actually was stuck in rush hour traffic today for like an hour. i usually miss the traffic because i usually get outta work at 7pm but my hours changed for this month.. anyways i stayed calm the whole way home. yea i yelled out a few times, but i was able to set the energy aside and tell myself "you cant control this so let it go". it worked! well it worked until i got to my parent's house and kinda snapped at my mother for no good reason. then she called me a name which made me even more mad... even though i deserved the name, so i left angry. i feel guilty about that. and after that i realllllllyyyyyy wanted a cig, but i didnt cave in. i just shut my phone off and kinda ignored the world except for my dog. the ironic thing is that when my ma called me at first ... she only called my to ask if i wanted her to make me dinner. she actually called for something nice. can ya belive that one? boy do i feel like an a$$. can we swear in theese things? i so have a bad mouth. a bad mouth.. yet another thing im "working" on.
wow i am soo rambling. can someone say "racing thoughts"?
so tell me why is this quitting thing so hard all of a sudden? Yea i stopped myself from a total relapse, but yet it's soo hard. like i said before, i just hurt everywhere. i dont get it. i thought your suppose to feel BETTER when you quit smoking? if i feel like crap then why bother quitting. at least i was happy when i smoked.
okay so let me say that again. i read on here recently that your feelings really dont change with or without a cig. cigs dont cause my feelings, they accompany them. i would feel just as agravated and upset about the fight with my ma today if i was still smoking. right? right. wow i actually broke down a trigger! look at that. i guess thats one positive thing today.
i broke down i trigger!
ttyl
