JUST ASKING

[Cousin-Itt]

  Before tomorrow arrives or a winner is announced If everyone will consider before posting anything political that may cause a divide here Please think   Our country is divided enough I'd hate to see a divide created here.  My area of town I have seen signs and flags from both political parties spray painted and destroyed.   I was lucky today as I had a third choice on my ballot and I took it  You see I believe in the party of compromise.   The last couple months  I have been in the city limits and saw mostly Biden signs  I have been in the rural parts of and found mostly Trump signs and it dawned on me that different laws and different needs belong in each area  2 different ways of life, values and concerns.  Yet one can not exist without the other. So their really is no correct winner tomorrow.   So I humbly ask  before you post about how good it feels that you side won think about the other side and those on the other end don't bash the winning side I hope we are to good for this  Let's keep this group as one and not divide it or bring hate of the other side on here.   This country needs to come together and we need to stick together as Non Smokers.  I'm sure you can share you happiness or you concerns on Facebook or another site  Or PM those who may agree with you      Just my thought  

[sweetplt]

Oh Carl I so agree with you Cousin-Itt other than in general if one voted or not ... nothing else should be spoken about on Ex’s...if it starts to happen ... ( I saw some things this evening that were not nice here at Ex‘S)...I will leave for a few days...you are a dear man and kind to have posted ... be well dear man...~hugs Colleen 

[WhispersQSMB]

Thats what was so great about Quitnet, none of that stuff just people supporting each other to quit and remain nicotine free.

[YoungAtHeart]

I promise and swear!  If I need to vent, I will just go scream into a pillow,or punch it into submission, or.............................

but I willl NOT post here about it...this is not the place for it.

[Legend]

I hope all will be peaceful here at Ex.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Thank You Carl for saying the necessary! Politics off limits, please!

[Giulia]

Absolutely agree with you.  Whomever wins, half the country will not be happy.  But we can all accept defeat with grace.  And congratulate those who win.  And it's best to keep it all off this site in any event.  Here's to being gentle with each other.

[indingrl]

Yes this is a support group for those who will recover IF they choose to of their OWN FREE will from NICOTINE ADDICTION - ONE breath at a time and thanks Carl for the asking - I hope you had a good night n.o.p.e. sweet dreams

[CommunityAdmin]

Very well written Cousin-Itt‌ A wonderful message!

Mark
EX Community Manager

[Barbscloud]

Mark ????  That's not what you say to me Mark.  I'm confused.  I thought we can post about any topic because we're a diverse group as long as no one is attacked.  

(I'm in agreement about with the above posts).

[AnnetteMM]

Unity in our precious quits is the most important thing right here.

Elsewhere it may be different.

Any arguments about anything on this site is frowned upon.

(Although I notice you inserted your own beliefs in there, I'll decline to comment on that part.)

[pir8fan]

I also looked at signs in the different areas where I traveled! If signs were any indication I though the ticket of Garage and Sale had a pretty good chance!

[Sootie]

Valid thoughts Carl----luckily, in the almost 11 years I have been here, EX stays "apolitical"..........this is a quit support site.

[Brenda_M]

Okay. This made me literally LOL. 

[Brenda_M]

So IRL, I am quite vocal about my political leanings. I keep it offline because you can’t control who sees what you write, and I don’t care to make trouble. I love a lot of y’all. I don’t want to lose respect for any of you. And I won’t tell you whom I might in this comment.

But I want to tell a story. Don’t worry, Mark, this is an anti-political story.

I worked the polls yesterday. It was my first time doing it. I’d heard that many of these volunteers were fearful of serving due to them being over 65 and therefore at a greater risk of COVID. I wish I could describe to you how freeing it felt to be in a situation where you could NOT discuss politics. Like there was a restriction, it wasn’t allowed, and yet, even with the restriction, I felt more comfortable. The people I was working with, I didn’t need to know their political affiliation or opinions. We were just working together to make sure everyone in our precinct who wanted to officially register their opinion could do so.

I had a great time. I would totally do it again, even though I might not want to be around half of them IRL if I knew them outside of that politics-free zone.

My point being that there’s nothing wrong with mindfully restricting your own speech. So please feel free to do so. We’re all lovable, no matter how misguided someone else might think we are.  

[Mandolinrain]

Well said

[CommunityAdmin]

Barbscloud wrote:

Mark ????  That's not what you say to me Mark.  I'm confused.  I thought we can post about any topic because we're a diverse group as long as no one is attacked.  

(I'm in agreement about with the above posts).

Barbscloud‌

Cousin-Itt‌ does make a great point about not discussing topics that would create a divide here on the site. I like this thought. This site is about coming together and supporting each other. Will there be topics here on EX Community that are not related to quitting nicotine, absolutely. There's games, picture sharing, gardening, artists, music, cooking, etc.  Sometimes those activities are used to distract someone from a crave but other times they are just used to congregate and do something fun. Friendships grow here on EX during and after someone's quit, even when people have differences. It's all about our ability to focus on what we have in common and not get distracted by how we're different.

Every online community I've been a part of has had off-topic threads. It's that part of belonging and the friendships going beyond the reason that brought you here. On an online community, just as I would a conversation in real life with someone I am just meeting, there are topics I wouldn't bring up at all or I'd ensure that my approach to certain topics is not filled with my personal beliefs. Those conversations don't have formal rules. They're not set at the beginning of a conversation with someone new. It's just how I apply ethnomethodology and other social norms to ensure that I have as many successful conversations in my day to day life. In those conversations I'm not going to share my share personal or political beliefs until I have some indicators that it is alright to do so.  Those indicators could come from a variety of different sources. 

So yes, you could potentially post on a lot of different topics here on the community and we are a diverse group. I'm evaluating some updates to site guidelines that further define where certain belief system topics should be posted. Guidelines will never be all encompassing. At the end of the day, we're adults. So hopefully there doesn't need to be a lot of micro-managing, but I will moderate as necessary when posts stray from constructive interactions. It's not fun to have to do this but I'll do so to keep the site civil. This isn't a place to come and preach your religious or lobby political viewpoint. Any time you post(create or reply) here... Think about the topic you're posting. Who is your audience? Are you responding to multiple people or a very focused response to a person or small group of people? Personal attacks are never okay, no matter the topic

Political

• Might someone come and post that they've had a tough day because the election is stressing them out. Absolutely. 
• Might someone come and post that they're frustrated that they could lose medical coverage for a pre-existing condition. Absolutely.
• Might someone come here and post that they're upset that they or their loved one isn't able to make a medical decision about their own body. Absolutely. 

Are the topics above somewhat political in nature.  Yeah, definitely they are but they're just telling a story about what is causing them stress and they could be battling a craving or tough situation at home. As long as they're not lobbying a particular political view point and focusing on their own well-being and how those changes are affecting them it seems like a valid post. There shouldn't be any content that says the X Party are idiots or people who believe Y and are followers of the Z Party are stupid for supporting Politician Q.

Personal Belief Systems

• Might someone come and post that they find their spiritual practices help them in their quit journey? Absolutely.
• Might someone come and ask for others to think about them or pray for them as they struggle a tough situation? Absolutely.
• Might someone come and share a story about a scientific finding that describes new evolutionary findings? Absolutely.

Are the topics above somewhat "personal belief" related? They are. But they're talking about themselves and not trying to push their beliefs on anyone. They're sharing their journey, asking for assistance in a particular way or sharing a topic someone else created because it's interesting. They're not trying to convince anyone that they should believe a certain way. As long as they're not going into someone else's posts and trying to change the topic and introduce personal beliefs, religious or otherwise into someone else's topic this shouldn't be a problem.  

As a reader, some of the topics I read on the site I might not agree with or I might not be able to understand because my belief system is different. If someone has posted asking for assistance with quitting and their post contains clues about their political or personal beliefs that are different from my own but I can focus on helping them without also introducing my own beliefs then that is great. In some cases I might not be able to or I might choose to skip responding and move to another post that I feel I can respond to. There are even times that I share a belief system with a particular person on the site but I don't respond because I don't want to mimic their writing or introduce my own personal beliefs. 

It's completely okay even if you skip a post that you've read but you feel you can't provide an answer that will likely be helpful. There is probably someone else who feels they can respond to that person and there are probably other people who are awaiting a response that you can respond to. I know some people will skip a post if the formatting makes it difficult to read.  So feel free to skip a post.

Mark
EX Community Manager

[AnnetteMM]

That's the most reasonable and reasoned-out explanation of the social niceties I have ever read.

Thank you for this. 

[Barbscloud]

Mark People stated politics are off limits.  Keep it off this site, etc.  And Carl did say who he voted for without stating a name. .

But they're talking about themselves and not trying to push their beliefs on anyone. 

My point exactly.  So it's acceptable or not to say who I voted for without trying to convince others?  I'm getting mixed message from you when we've had these discussions.  And, you already know I do skip certain posts.

[WhispersQSMB]

I was on a quit site with people out of the Country trolling Americans. They would make multiple accts and attack the members that were just looking for support to quit. They still make fake accts there and the topics get hijacked. You don't know who you're chatting with, even two mods. I've never seen anything get out of hand here just different views on vaping and when some "slips" by having just one cigg. 

Some people are drinking and that gets out of hand at times when posting. I love talking politics but i avoid that on here and at the NOPE site as i look for a positive vibe from the forums. Some people i have got a vibe they aren't quitters and just use the site socially. One person actually told me they liked to attack members and i lost respect for her at that site

[Cousin-Itt]

  The simple point of my post was that I didn't want this group to be divided and filled with conflicts  It was meant to be Nothing more Nothing less.    My belief in compromise and understanding is what I try do in my life  

I just Asked, as it wasn't meant to offend.

[Gai.C]

Didn't offend me Carl. 

[BobKatt22]

I’m not offended Carl

[Barbscloud]

Not me

[Maki]

@All due respect , I was reading the responses and want to clarify that quitnet also had political discrepancies . For years there was none , it was very peaceful , but the last year or so there was definitely differences of political opinion that on occasion got out of hand and caused anxiety and sometimes feuds . Definitely discord .

Whispers I understand you may not have seen that as not everyone is on line all the time, so I don't disrespect your answer at all , but I did witness it and several other particular instances of attack on people that were actually quite scary for me .  This should always be a place of safety for us all and it will be if we all do our part . 

Anxiety causes stress and stress welcomes addiction .Our addiction is what we are trying to overcome here and their will be triggers of all sorts .... perhaps for some politics is one , religion perhaps another. 

I like Marks point of view on this and like the way he puts it . Bang on imo .

We all must be careful what we write , how we respond and how we think as the writer and the listener myself included.  We won't be perfect but we should do the best we can to respect others , and if their is discord talk , work it out . Skipping posts isn't really necessary if you take the time to understand people and if you skip you may be missing out .. this is just my opinion . 

Some things I know can be taken out of context or posts led down a different path than what the writer intended .  Allow for mistakes because they can happen but address that by moving your post back in the direction itsintended to be , forgive or just move on .  I think everything can be resolved if we just take time to listen to each other . There should never be attacks on ones character that can lead to a rebuttle of attacks and loss of a quit .  Be thoughtful and treat others as we would want to be treated is maybe a good rule for us all to follow . 

Life on line is no different than life off line. If we can get along here and keep our quit we will get along through all life's struggles off line as well , and we will become better people. 

This post is just my thoughts , my opinion , things I too maybe need to learn and is not meant to judge anyone for their opinion . 

Thanks for this post Carl , I think it's important .

[WhispersQSMB]

Thats terrible, Maki. People prey on addiction sites and use "bait" topics to lure them in. Its all about support, we all have a story but attacking someone online isn't right. And when people defend themselves they play victim. They have to look in the mirror and some are just bad humans.

Pay it forward and support a nicotine free life

[Giulia]

Right on!

Anxiety causes stress and stress welcomes addiction 

[SuzyQ411]

Not one smidgeon of offense felt here, Carl Cousin-Itt‌.... I am glad you posted what you did and I totally believe in what you said about preventing division and conflict within our EX family

[SuzyQ411]

"Anxiety causes stress and stress welcomes addiction"  Perfect point you made,  Maki... and sensitive topics such as political views can surely qualify here!!