A year ago when I came on to this site, I received much advice and attention from the wonderful Elders, and my peers. A lot of them are still here, and a lot of them are gone. They are too many to name. (miss you Owlfeather, froguelady....). I am so thankful to them all for everything I've learned from them, and the support I got when needed.
Luckily, when I quit, we were not allowed to use the term "slip", because it implied an accident. It takes more than enough steps to ruin a quit to qualify it as a calculated choice. As my dear friend Sky mentioned in a blog recently, if we don't keep any cigs around, we must decide to ruin our quit, drive to a store, buy cigs.... and then perform all the little movements in order to actually inhale that first puff. No accident.... choice.
Also, if we chose to light up (which I did on my first 24th day of my quit (Halloween 2012)..... there was no coming back on here and mentioning it casually, "well, i smoked, but I'm not gonna let that ruin my quit." Not at all. We had to take responsibility. Which meant, that we needed to figure out WHY we decided to relapse, HOW we were able to relapse, and WHAT we were going to do differently this time. We were told that each time we took a puff after put holes in our quit armor..... that it did not NEED to take more than one quit date to quit, and that each time we chose to smoke we were actually lessoning our chances on a forever quit. It was serious stuff.
I know that there are some people with YEARS of quit time who took more than one time to find their forever quit. Please do not think that I am "putting anyone down" Elder or Newbie. This Blog comes from what I am thinking and feeling with my own quit, and nothing else.
There were many times in the first month of my quit that the ONLY thing stopping me from buying the pack that I was staring at behind the cashier was the thought of my friends and mentors on this site. Not even the advice they gave, but just them. I did not want to come back and tell them that I'd chosen to blow it...... again. Had the attitude of the site been different..... the relapses more common, I think I would have ruined my quit more than the one time that I did.
H@ll, there are times NOW when all the talk about "slipping" and "It took me many times before I found my forever quit..." Well, I'm less than a month away from 1 year quit, and suddenly I am having many "smoking memories" and thoughts of the "just one" that I know doesn't exhist..... and the addiction is whispering, "You only messed up once...... you could mess up one more time and quit again....."
PLEASE never, ever give up on quitting and if you choose not to blog before smoking (like you need to) do not hesitate to come on here and come clean and start again!!!!
For myself, I don't know why these smoking thoughts and memories are haunting me except.... well, I have always worked hard at sabataging myself. Got something good in my life? Better get rid of it quick!!! Something possitve going on? Better do something harmful to yourself!!! Nearing that 1 year mark is a big deal to me, so I guess my addiction has sat up to take notice.
Thank God for you all.... and for the love I've received here.
NOPE NOPE NOPE
