I woke up today and decided to go on a 30-day water fast. My health and weight have been declining over the last couple years and I know how beneficial water fasts can be. When I fast, which isn't too often, I usually 'modify' my fasts to make them easier albeit less effective. This means I usually smoke and drink some sort of caffeinated beverage to keep me from turning into a cranky little bee-hatch.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. I generally have no problem quitting things when I make a decision. Today is different. I feel a little scared. I usually quit with the knowledge that it will only be a certain duration. In this way I have been able to justify my decisions to go back to smoking.
I quit for 3 years. If anyone bothers to read this blog don't get discouraged. I quit for three years simply because I never planned on quitting forever. I was taking a break. I started smoking again during a deep depressive time of my life. It was a decision that I thought about for a couple weeks before I did it.
This time is different. I feel scared. I know that my desire in this decision is to quit for good. That frightens me because I have not allowed myself the usual loophole of temporary. This time it really isn't about quitting smoking. It is about changing the destructive patterns of my life and possibly reinventing myself in the process.
I pretty much suck at writing blogs, follow through, dedication or anything uncomfortable. So today I am doing all of those things.
Change doesn't happen by doing the same things.
