It's Been One of THOSE Daze

[kcharrisqos]

I've having a day of weakness.  Seems like my cravings are worse than usual.  Sure, I'm days away from my Quit Date.  I could light up without that Catholic guilt creeping in on me, but I'm trying to show some restraint.  I mean, I don't want to hit my Quit Date and think "Damn!  I should've done some tapering before now, huh?"  Trying not to be a dumbass, which is difficult.  *grin*

Health stress hit me hard today.  Had some physical aches and pains and pressures.  I always wonder if the symptoms I experience are a result of my anxiety/panic disorder or real, hardcore physiological signs of a greater problem.  The curse of the over-thinker.  Of course, that doesn't stop me from taking a puff here and there.  Gotta add that fuel to the fire. 

I spent most of today feeling lost, detached from my surroundings.  I've been known to feel this way when I feel the world's becoming too much of a stresser for me to remain engaged in the here and now.  The Hub loves it.  *sniff-sniff*  Yep, that was sarcasm.  But he's incredibly understanding.  I'm a lucky homo.   

I start Yoga tomorrow.  I was suppose to start it earlier this week but life had other plans.  So, I'm ready to go balls-out and try whatever I possibly can to get me outta this daze I'm in...back into the life I know I deserve.  Also, I start seeing a therapist on Monday, something I promised myself I would never do.  But I'm opening myself to just about everything available. 

It's after midnight.  Time to put my tired ass to bed. 

I wish everyone a great weekend.  And thanks for all the encouragement and support.

Riding strong as I can,

KC

[kat37]

i did the whole taper down thing before i quit.. not sure if it helped or only served to prolong the agony. hmm.. well either way i quit and you are going to quit. days of weakness will happen... then they will turn into hours and minutes of weakness. and then you start to feel like you have power and control over your life not nicotine and cigarettes.

YOU CAN DO THIS! keep me updated. and i love your blog and your page 🙂

[ohiosheltielady]

KC, do the tapering down thing ... you won't regret it.  So many of the cigarettes that we smoke are pointless cigarettes.  I mean if you were to rate a cigarette from 1 - 10 on a scale of how much you really needed it, then a lot of the cigarettes that you smoke would fall into the lower range, is my guess.

I know that I smoked like that.  On the way to work I wouldn't really "need" one necessarily, but since I was a closet smoker then I knew I better hurry and get that nicotine in my bloodstream before the 4 hr marathon at work.  Then at noon, I really needed that one!  ha ha ha ha

And I'd go another 4 hrs without a cigarette and then at 5 pm I really needed that one!  But when I was home where there was nobody around, many times I'd smoke for no reason at all, none whatsoever.  I didn't really need it and the addiction wasn't calling my name, but I'd lite up for no reason.  You can actually cut out a lot of cigarettes if you rate them on a scale of 1 - 10 in order of "need." 

Good luck with your quit!

[ohiosheltielady]

One more thought before I leave ... I saw where you said you promised yourself you would never go to a therapist.  I have a funny story about that.   At my job we are given 3 free sessions per year with our company therapist if we need them.  They're free, so it's a sort of a benefit for us.  Although I always wondered if this conversation went in some "big brother" tablet and ended up in my file at HR somehow.  ha ha ha ha

So I rarely used these sessions even though they are a free benefit at work ... still, worried me that what I said might end up in some boardroom as a handout during a discussion about budget cuts and who's job isn't necessary.  ha ha ha ha

Just a random thought that crossed my mind while reading that sentence.  ha ha ha ha

[judy41]

I think you're gonna love Yoga -  it was after about two weeks (3 times per week) that I started thinking about

becoming an ex.  Now I'm on day 16 of  not one puff.  I don't know what to say about Yoga - you really get in

touch with your body.  Go get'm!

[smp101]

Good morning Q of S,

I just read your bio on your info page and firmly believe if you need a job you should be a writer. I am right there with you and the suffering is a great medium for humor or music, after all you gotta suffer to sign the blues.  I find that more things suck, the more I find the humor in life. It always amazes me how people take life so seriously. If we are able to laugh at ourselves we can heal ourselves. With all that life throws at us we certainly don't need to make it harder but have an addiction that is ruining us more.

Keep the faith and keep writing, i look forward to your next post and supporting you however I can.

[sr_2]

KC,
 Dunno if you got my attempt to respond to your email last week, not sure I quite have this site figured out. Regardless.... With all that's on you, whatever help from whatever source  - yoga, therapy, whatever works - why not? What's the harm in trying?  .......  You can do this and, in my very humble and entirely unsolicited opinoin, you deserve what living smoke-free would give you. So ride strong and don't give up on that quit date!