I read much of what is written in these blogs. I read in fascination, wonder and appreciation. Seems like I don't think enough about what people's real intentions are though. Or my own. Is that what things really boil down to? Not necessarily in a "tough love" way, more in a "what are my general intentions in life" way?
As a tradesman for the past 30 years, and only a couple years of college, I certainly have no expertise to speak, with anything resembling authority, about anything related to psycology or sociology or anything like that . Just a lot of mistakes and experiences over a life that I feel most people would consider, at best, unremarkable.
What I'm trying to come to terms with is that it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks. What I'm thinking really matters is what are my intentions. What are my intentions right now? Are they good? Are they meaningful? I suppose that's the better question: Are my intentions meaningful? Is my life meaningful?
I don't know what anyone else really thinks, but I know what I read on these blogs. I think what I get out of all this (and some people may not agree) is that it's not only about not smoking. Or perhaps a better way to say that is that it's about more than not smoking. Or perhaps another way to say that is "Why would I keep trying to kill myself with tobacco?"
Having quit several times, only to start again, I have to ask: what are my intentions? Is my life meaningful?
My intention is to live a meaningful life. Easy to say, but seems hard for me to do. Or I should say, it's hard for me to really believe that my life is trully meaningful. But I'm trying to get there. Not to say I won't make mistakes. I know I will. This is not to say that I won't get angry, or say or do something stupid. I know I will. This is not to say I will always be happy. I won't. I think what I'm shooting for is to not beat myself up so much when I make mistakes and realize that I have the intention of fixing them. Or when I get angry with someone, to have the intention of getting through it, as fast as possible, and clean it up with that person. And when I'm sad, or upset it has to be okay to be that way. But to have the intention of looking for and recognizing possitive ways of working through it.
To have the intention of no longer killing myself with cigarettes. My life is too meaningful to do that.
So what is a meaningful life? A meaningful life is the only life I truly know. My own. It is a life where so much time was spent beating myself up for my mistakes and inadequacies. A life of deep depression and unbridled joy. And everything in between. A life of regret and sorrow, and hope and promise for the future.
To paraphrase a famous quote: "An examined life is worth living'
I have nothing but gratitude for all the people who come here and write about their struggles and experiences in life. The mere fact that someone takes the time to write a blog shows they care, shows they have the intention to quit smoking, shows they have the intention to want to help other people.
When someone takes the time to write a blog about their struggles and experiences... their life has meaning.
Or a smile or kind word in a difficult situation, or picking up piece of trash or any number of small actions that have possitive, meaningful impact in life. Or allow someone else to be the "star". Or allow someone to contribute to me.
The thing is, I think it's me that gets to decide how much meaning my possitive actions and intentions have. No one else.
Probably my favorite quote:
"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning, in the darkness of mere being."
C. J. Jung
