IS IT SIMPLY THE ADDICTION?

[Giulia]

When we forget the potency of the addiction and the cost of becoming free, when the newness of the success of quitting wears off and we become complacent, when we lose our preparedness under emotional fire - we can lose our quits.  At any age at any stage.  You are not immune to failure.  Witness the constant stream of those who did not heed the numerous  words of wisdom presented daily on this site.  Zombie-like they walked to their doom of taking that Not One Puff Ever puff.  What is it that we need to do?  What is it that we need to say?  What IS IT that turns sane quitters with goodly numbers of days under their belts into relapsers?  What IS IT?

Is it simply the "addiction?"  I can't accept that.  I was/am as addicted as all the rest on here who have lost their quits.  Why am I going into my 6th smoke free year in a couple of months and x, y, or z on here failed at 6 months or 8 months or 4 years or 10 years?  WHY IS THAT?   I  just don't get it.  I'm not any stronger than anybody else on here.  I have as much of an addictive personality as the next.  I'm not any more intelligent, I in no way differ from the rest of the quitters on here EXCEPT that (at the moment), I seem to have made a success of this.  And so did a goodly number of other long term quitters on here.  And I'm, just for the sake of defining that term "Long Term Quitter," gonna call them someone who has AT LEAST a year under their belts.

It's gotta be more than just simply saying NOPE.  Because enough say it but don't adhere to it.  What is it about this addiction that draws us back in at any given time.  Is it just THIS addiction, or ANY addiction?  Why do we cling to this - THING?  Why do we go back to it for comfort during duress?   Why is it our succor?  What is it that makes us believe enough -  to destroy a long term quit - that putting a cigarette in our mouths will give us comfort that we can get no where else?  What IS THAT? 

Continuing on in this long stream of thought (and all you quitters out there might need to delve deeply into this kind of thinking yourselves, in order to stay smoke free) [good grief, I’m getting as long winded as Peggy LOL!  And perhaps that not a bad thang! ]

I’ll posit that we humans are actually pretty frail emotional creatures.  And we either put up big strong barriers to our feelings, or we wallow in them.  Or perhaps we do a combo -  wallow sometimes and put the good “chin up” version when we can.  But it seems to me that when people fail, they fail because of strong emotions.  And it ain’t exactly the emotion of JOY.   So - we fail when we hurt emotionally.  We need comfort.  And we go back to the thing that we think gave us that.  A cigarette. 

OK.  Suppose it did?  Suppose a cigarette DID indeed give us comfort.  What then?  Oh you can say it’s because we smoked and it changed our brains and now we have new neuronic (mononic I’ll call them) pathways ...  SO WHAT?  They’re there.  And it seems that no amount of time is gonna change them.  Not if we have 8 year quitters starting up again.  So... if we accept that premise.  I’m back to square one.  What makes me different  that I have a long term quit?  I don’t know.  I truly don’t.  EXCEPT, perhaps, maybe? - I’ve gone into this kind of  thinking throughout my quit.  Is THAT  what it takes?  Saying NOPE is a great mantra, but without the in-depth study - does it have any impact?  Obviously not. 

OK.  Done.  Brain is fried.  Hope it helped somebody, sometime, somewhere....  Protect your quit.  Please. 
 

[jim117]

That sounds very well and good but when one is completely alone in the world.  The cigarette becomes the only solice that a person may have.  The only people I have to talk to right now are my counselors and doctors.  I can make a fleeting comment to my wife or son and hope to hell that it (in her opinion) is a good one or the world will cave in.  I right now am about ready to cry over things that have happened tonight.  I have a little change in my pocket and am about ready to walk down the street to this person that I know and see if I can't buy a couple of cigarettes from him.  Maybe I could talk to my old friend with less stress than talking to my wife and kids.

[newlife5]

sometimes its not that we have forgotten the potency of our addiction  .. sometimes we just dont know how to handle the raw emotions... nicotine dulls the emotions and when we suddenly can feel again it becomes frightening... dulled emotions are the norm and when you dont know how to handle it you just want to feel normal...

i hate smoking,i hate relapsing, 

but i dont know how to handle the emotions... its not so much looking for comfort.. but for an end to the roller coaster...

[Sootie]

G---I think about this often because i am "one of them"---quit smoking for 13 years(!) and started again.  Can't answer your question of why with any scientific studies---for me though, I can say that even though I was quit for 13 years...I never felt like a non smoker as I do during this quit (2 +years for those on here who don't know me). Last time, I stopped smoking; I got over the craves and I made it day by day. But, I actually only stopped smoking---I didn't "quit" and I did not become a non smoker. By this I mean philosophically. 

This was because I really disliked non smokers. to me they were smug, condescending beings who had no understanding of what a quitter was going through...ad no idea of how great a cigarrette was.....so, as you can see, although I did not smoke---I was not a non smoker. 

I also associated smoking with fun, excitement, danger, walking on the wild side.....whatever. I slid back into it during a time of stress---that's true...but more so it was because I was feeling that my work and it's stress was all there was. I was no longer taking chances, taking big exciting trips,...I was 30+, two kids and a very responsible job that you couldn't just call off from on Monday after a fun weekend which I wasn't having any more with two small kids anyway!!!! Yes, the event that led me to "the one" was stress...but I think for awhile I had been looking to be young and wild again.

OK---getting off the psychoanalyst's couch for the night....but just sayin...people...as G said...don't evade thinking about this. Think it through as much as you can. It's not JUST the addiciton---it's the life we imagine (YES IMAGINE!) we had while we were smoking.

[pir8fan]

I believe the answer lies in low self esteem! A feeling that we are not worth very much, or a feeling that we are not handeling our lives well! When we are least proud of ourselves is when we adopt a devil may care attitude! When we feel we are doing no good in the world, we tend to slip into self-destructive behavior!

That is why I believe that this site is indeed a lifeline for so many! Many need to hear that they are indeed valuable human beings, and the support here is a big help with that! Many need to feel that are putting something positive into the world! That is the cornerstone of their self worth! This site give us the opportunity to do that as well! Most of us need some of both! "Collateral Kindness" Helping yourself by helping others! What a way to quit! What a way to live!

Great blog!!                    Tommy

[Giulia]

I hear you two.  But, I gotta tell you, my experience is  - nicotine/smoking a cigarette didn't dull any of the emotions I had.  They were just as horrendous during smoking as after.  I cried as many tears with a cigarette in my hand as I have without one.  But..that's me.  I've never felt smoking gave me a "smoke screen" to experiencing life.  I guess for you it does.

I'm not speaking of the rawness of our feelings when we FIRST quit.  We are much more irritable, much more sensitive, much more easily emotionally bombarded by anything and everything during the early stages of our quits.  Because we're in a fragile state of enormous change.  But that state does not last that long.  And if it does, then it has nothing to do with smoking OR quitting.  It has to do with something deeper.  Something else.  I can't specifiy a time frame, because we're all different, but I'd say after a month, if you're still experiencing crazy raw emotions - then it's not due to quitting.  Something else is going on within you.

Jim, why are you gonna walk down a street and buy a cigarette?  Do you REALLY believe that that's the answer to your aloneness?  You think a cigarette is someone you can talk to, who will understand?  You are creating that solice. It is not real.  No, I can't say that in all honesty.  I'd like to, but... for you, maybe sucking on a little piece of paper with chemicals in it IS the only solice you have.  I would like to suggest to you that you find something else (and I don't know what that might be for you), that will give you that same feeling.  That will comfort you.  We are all looking for PEACE in our lives.  But a cigarette is not the best choice for finding peace.  And so we must seek other answers.  I don't have peace.  But I walk out to the end of my yard and look up at the stars and find a bit of joy there.  And I cling to that in my dark moments.  You have to find a place of comfort and peace that nourishes you, not one that harms you.  You are here on this site because you know that smoking is harmful.  You want to be free because your inner wisdom is - well, wiser than your outer needs.  Don't go for the cigarette.  You can survive - truly - without it.

I'm relearning - life IS a roller coaster.  Period.  It just is.  We're happy, we're sad, we're glad, we're mad, we get happy again it goes away and we wonder why, and we get sad again, and....it's a roller coaster.  First of all, nobody every said life was supposed to be HAPPY.  We think it should be, but that's a fairy tale as far as I'm  concerned.  I have never experienced only  happiness in my life.  As a matter of fact, if I had to make a list of all the happy times versus the sad, the latter would far outweigh the "happy." That's why we're all so desperate for it.  Because we don't mostly have it.  Life is tough.  Smoking doesn't make life better.  If you think it makes it "easier," then you haven't gotten over believing you need it for comfort.  Smoking doesn't END the roller coaster ride of life.  Quitting is it's own roller coaster ride.  But that ride you eventually get used to with time, and learn where the ups and downs will be and how to hang onto your seat.  Life is different. Life is always gonna be a roller coaster ride that we just can't quite get used to.  The wisest life instructors that we know have spent YEARS of in- depth, solitude study to achieve inner peace.  And I'm not talking about the Tony  Robbins of this world.  I'm talking about the Dalai Lama's of this world.

Sootie -  I like your psychoanalyst's couch very much.  And I’ll lie in it any time.  Interesting - you say you started up again after a 13 year quit,  induced by stress and you felt the need to be wild.  But what hits home with me is what  you said “I actually only stopped smoking  -I didn't "quit" and I did not become a non smoker. By this I mean philosophically.”  I think in my deepest gut I’m just like you were.  As the other long termers on here know about me, I’ve always been in that mindset.  ‘Cause there is still something within me that would, if there were no costs (physical, mental, emotional or monetary) - happily go back to it.  (And for your new quitters,  that does NOT mean I crave cigarettes.  I don’t.  I’m WAY past that.  We’re speaking on a whole ‘nother level here.)  But I so dread experiencing another day one and so enjoy the freedom I have, that so far at least I’ve maintained my non smoking status in the world for these many years.  But I sense the fragility of my own quit.  And perhaps this is not only good for me -  to continually acknowledge that  to myself to keep me from relapse - but for others who might be of the same mind as I am.  From my couch to the next....
 

[ved12]

Smoking addiction is one of the type of addiction in which people are addicted to smoking and they can't able to cure this. For such people E-cigarette is one of the very beneficial way to cure this smoking addiction.

Smoking addiction

[Giulia]

Hello ved, welcome to the group.  You know there's a great deal of controversy about whether the E-cig is helpful or not.  Had it been available when I quit, I probably would have tried it.  But it so mimics the act of smoking, I don't doubt that I'd have to go through an E-cig quit when I wanted to get off those.  Ya know?  For it keeps that hand-to-mouth connection real strong.  And too, there isn't enough statistical data about the effects yet, which is a little worrisome.  But if you find them helpful in your quitting process, so be it.  ARE you quitting?

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

Love this one Giulia. I believe that most of us have a strong desire to quit. But to be successful at it we must have an equal or greater determination. You know when I think I will feel that I’ve had a successful quit? When I’m on my deathbed & smoking a cigarette is the furthest thing from my mind. Then I can look that ol nicodemon square in the face & tell im to pucker up & kiss it where the sun don’t shine. I know we have some here that have lost very substantial quits because of complacency or emotions. We can’t let emotions dictate to us what is a life or death situation. Be smart about making a decision about smoking & realize that you’re killing yourself. With second hand smoke you may kill someone you love.

Okay…gotta get back to work.

Thanks G,
M n @