I want to quit

[muriel-jones]

I have cut down from 20 to about 6 a day, but that isn't enough. I am just turning 65 and have smoked for over 40 years. I hate myself for smoking! I hate myself for smoking!!!!!! I want to quit, but I DO ENJOY smoking. This thing is so crazy. I am the only one in my family that smokes. I do not want to smoke in front of my grandchildren any more. I am so embarrassed that I smoke. I really feel like a looser in front of my children and grandchildren. I need to quit, I want to quit, but am afraid to try to quit smoking.
I am very fortunate in that I have 3 cousins that are supporting me, but I feel like I am letting them down by still smoking some. I need to just quit. I quess I really don't want to quit as much as I think I do. Are there any of you out there that are playing games with themselves like I seem to be doing. There is a part of me that wants to quit so badly.