and as per the advice of my beautiful mother, I made an effort to drop coffee from my morning diet to reduce temptation. I woke up much more prepared to take on the day. More and more, I see the change is around me, taking advice and really putting more effort into cleaning my surroundings.
Everyone rants and raves that tea is so great and so peaceful that it's actually fucking annoying to me any time anyone suggests tea at this point. Let's be honest. Robust flavors is exactly what makes coffee and cigars/vapes awesome. Dark chocolate is an excellent example of what I mean, because when I was suffering my heaviest cravings, that's where I'd go.
But changing up my routines, and making sure I brush my teeth in the morning, I can't just go slurp down a dark chocolate, because mint dark chocolate isn't all that great.
On a busy morning/busy day when I'm up to my eyes in fucking interviews, work, issues, I literally am miserable in less than an hour of being awake because I'm overwhelmed and more often than not, I have to keep berating myself for understanding, I used to have a partner who would motivate me through all of this and though I didn't need it, I appreciated it everyday. And now it's just me feeling like a fucking idiot because I have to cut out all the things that kept me going just to try to keep myself away from nicotine. It's exhausting. It's disappointing. And I'm already fucking crying like I didn't just wake up an hour ago.
Sorry for the negativity. I'm just. Hating myself this morning.
