I messed up an I feel the spiral

[Auroraclearsky]

I messed up again everyone gave in to my addiction there’s no reason to lie about that now I have a packet of 18 cigs an I just feel so sick I don’t wanna think about it I’m just sad I let everyone down that believed in me it’s been a while I’ve been going through a lot lately in an out of jobs not working I’m fed up but I feel stupid and weak an trapped even though that’s not the case most of the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it an that’s really hindering me an my quit 

[kristen-9-7-15]

No need to feel stupid. Be proud of how far you came! If you quit for that long, you can have your forever quit! Just don’t give up on yourself. We are not giving up on you!  Keep trying!

[anaussiemom]

colegrundy  You had a trial run!  Make your next quit the winning one/won!!

[Auroraclearsky]

Thanks really 

[Auroraclearsky]

Thanks anyone an all 

[indingrl]

Thanks for sharing Alex - no worries you are NOT alone - I used NICOTINE again and just picked another quit date - just sharing the in HIS love - gentle hug. 

[Beck37]

This quit isn’t about us, so you didn’t let us down. You said you “messed up” again?  I am sad that you don’t think better of yourself. 

Normally I have a tendancy to be kind of harsh on people that slip up, but I’m not goung to do that to you cause you have already beaten yourself up....  Life is hard and yes it can suck big time. You’ve got to get out of your way and start realizing that you deserve good things to happen to you. You seriously need to take a good look at your life and start looking for the things that are good and make changes to the stuff thats not. 

You are so worthy of happiness so please stop sabotaging yourself.  I have faith in you.....

You ARE amazing!

Beck

[Auroraclearsky]

You’re right beck37 I do beat myself up about a lot of things an on the other note to I do deserve good things to happen to me 

[sweetplt]

Dont beat yourself up, instead pick yourself up and learn from it and start the quit over.  Sometimes hon it takes a few quits until one sticks like glue.  Sending out cyber hug ~ Colleen 105 DOF 

[RachelMB]

Don't beat yourself up.  We have all had many failed quits.  Remember you have a bunch of support here!

[Sootie]

Are you planning to pick your quit right back up? That is the best thing you can do......don't set some quit date in the future....you KNOW what to do so do it. Sit down and think about what you will do when these situations (which are triggers) come up again. How are you going to handle this in the future....what can you do besides smoking? We are all here to listen and offer support. You let yourself down...not us. But you can just as easily pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over. You can do this......I promise!

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Rats.  How long did you have?  You can turn this around for the good Auroraclearsky.  

[Auroraclearsky]

Quiet a while longer than 3-4 months deena I just broke I was doing soo good 

[elvan]

Really sorry to hear this, Cole.  There are ALWAYS going to be things that make life harder...smoking is not required nor will it help anything.  Please get back to your quit as soon as possible...no reason you cannot submerge those cigarettes in water and tear them apart, we all want you to succeed and you KNOW we are here.

Ellen

[Auroraclearsky]

Thanks elven really you’ve  been here from since I started battling this addiction at least on here an I know earlier I said I’m sad cause I let everyone down but I’m truth I only let myself down in the end that’s what I meant to say 

[susansz]

Please be kind to yourself.  Quitting is one of the most difficult things to do, just take it day by day and minute by minute.

Susan Nope

[Barbscloud]

Cole, the fact that you're here admitting you relapsed shows your are committed to quitting.  Too many people just disappear never to be heard from again.   Of course you're going to feel bad, but don't let that make you feel like you can't do this.  You can--you've already proven that with a several month quit.  We haven't given up on you, so don't give up on yourself.  Pick a new date and stay close when your experiencing a rough time.  That's how this works.

Barb

[Deena-A-Yenni]

I believe/We believe you can get back on that horse Auroraclearsky.  I like what Barbscloud said the fact that you are still here and not disappeared shows you are committed to your quit.  Take a breather.  Regroup. And move forward again.  You can do this.

[VAPEASDEADLY]

I am 12 days into my quit, after years of lying about it. I feel the out of control emotions and shame associated with it as well.
Don't think your hiding anything from anyone. Nicotine has a way of making itself loud and in charge.

Forgive yourself and begin again.  We have a single day each day to live life. I made a choice this morning again to live it without nicotine being a part of it in any form. Which includes giving it one moment more thought than that.
Take away IT's power..

[elvan]

You ARE still here and you came here and admitted that you had relapsed, that is huge, Cole and you are absolutely right that the only person you let down is YOU.  You are the person you have to pick up and dust off and you KNOW you can do it.  You HAVE done it, Cole and clearly you want your freedom.  We are here to help you, let us know what we can do...everyone on this site wants your success...just look at how many people have commented to let you know that they are in your corner.  You are not doing this alone!

Ellen

[Giulia]

You're not stupid and you're not weak.  You're just addicted.  And this is a tough addiction to overcome long-term.  Looking at your join date you've been a member here for two years.  I have a question for you, Cole:  what have you learned in the two years you've been here?  Seriously.  Lay it out in your mind.  Doesn't have to be out loud to us, but take stock of what you've learned and what you still haven't learned.  What, in all the teachings that we give here, haven't you yet grasped?  Please don't take this as a criticism or a negative.  It's not meant at all in that way.  It's meant as a mental exercise, perhaps I'd call it.  An emotional connective exercise.  

It's heartbreaking to see your previous blog:  "everytime I feel like I’m done with it I constantly wonder why I go back not this time I’m staying quit there’s no reason to go back this is the best option for me an my life no matter how hard my addiction try’s to spread it’s lies" -  such a STRONG affirmation.  And yet here you are having gone back.  OK, so, figure out why.  That's the homework we have to do as quitters, as addicts.  We have to be painfully truthful with ourselves.  

Why didn't you come here and yell for help before you went and bought those cigs?  Surely after all this time on this site you've heard our words about coming and putting HELP in blog before taking that one puff?  Did it just not cross your mind?  Was the pull so strong that it overwhelmed any other sense?  Again I'm not chastising you for it.  I'm just trying to point out what you need to do BEFORE you give up so many smoke-free days.  You know?  We all have to have a check point.  A point of sanity against the insanity of this addiction.  I think part of the next phase of homework you might pursue  is to discover what that checkpoint is.  

[JACKIE1-25-15]

No matter what is happening in your life never give up, Never give in NOPE will keep you free. You can do it because it is doable. 

[Barbscloud]

Cole,

Checking to see how you're doing.  Have you picked a new quit date?

Barb