I'm sorry

[stAn3]

I need to  apologize to the group. I chose to smoke and haven't reset my quit date. I don't have 50 days. I have no excuses for smoking. I'm feeling lost right now. I know the mistakes that I made but I can't guarantee I won't make the same mistake again in future. I have thought of giving up but I won't. It is literally life and death--a slow death at my own hands.

I am making chamges. I am changing my attitudes.  My thoughts and attitudes play a big part in whether I choose to use the recovery tools I know or use addictive behaviors to escape. At this point it is more than just dealing with the everyday triggers. It's about making a decision to live. It's about being willing to feel my emotions no matter how uncomfortable they may be. It's about learning to take care of myself everyday.

I'm not going to get into the specific details of why I relapsed. There is a consistent pattern over the years. I get overwhelmed or depressed. I get focused on things other than nicotine recovery. I isolate myself and I use familiar addictive behaviors to kill the pain I have inside.

What I am doing now is getting back into therapy because I need some help applying the tools to deal with my thoughts and emotions. Im focusing each day on taking care of myself. I'm also trying to decide on a quit date.

[stAn3]

I made a decision. My quit date is tomorrow. I'm afraid I will fail. But now is as good a time as any to quit.

[YoungAtHeart]

I am happy you are trying again tomorrow - but I kinda' liked your plan of talking to someone to come up with better strategies than you have employed in the past.

Up to you!

Nancy

[kristen-9-7-15]

No need to apologize to us. Save your apologies for your body due to the damage you are causing it by continuing to smoke. I was a serial quitter too so, I have a lot of apologizing to do too! I hope this quit sticks!

[JOHN.MASON1959]

Your honesty about relapsing is a God-send, and it is appreciated.  I have just decided to quit smoking today, and I haven't set my quit date yet.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of my own nicotine addiction.  I am new to this blog, and so appreciate your honesty.  You have great character !

[Roller831]

[crazymama_Lori]

you won't slip once you figure out exactly what is bringing you back to smoking and what you are going to do the next time it pops up.  Because it will pop up again and again.  You need to set in place a game plan to defeat whatever it is drawing you back in.  If it's the depression that's drawing you back, talk to your doctor.  I know I went through depression but I battled  my way through.  I never had depression before OR maybe I did and just never noticed it because I kept feeding myself nicotine constantly.  It seems when you hit NML, you falter.  That's when we feel we're missing something.  Something is lacking in our lives.  The longing for our best friend comes creeping back.  It's simply your brain yelling that it's missing its nicotine, its daily hit every day.  Google natural ways to increase dopamine.  There's exercising, starting a new hobby, taking up photography, something anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment.  You need to find ways to stimulate your brain.  If it's a personal issue, then you need to identify it, fix it or let it go.  Life in general is the serenity prayer: 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

[elvan]

stAn3  I have been worried about you and when I congratulated you on your 50 days, I realized that you had not posted in a while. I am so sorry to hear this...you do not owe us any apology, Stan, this is your journey and we want to help you, you already know that we cannot do it for you and that the only way out is through.  I really hope that you will plan this quit out and not let those same things trip you up.  You are better than that...you are worth MORE than that.  I am glad that you have already set your date and, of course, I commend you for your honesty.

Ellen

[maryfreecig]

Why would I smoke again? I shutter to think. But when did I become a more solid quitter-- because my start, like so many, was shaky. Maybe my footing became more solid sometime after making it through many and various low points (to my surprise) without smoking. Eventually, I stopped seeing smoking as inevitable and I've stopped attaching my 37 years of smoking to my identity.  I haven't won a lifetime of happiness and my woes have not all vanished, but I do have separation from the addiction. With this improvement, I am able to deal with my foibles better--as well as allow my strengths to shine more. But it has all been about having a good amount of time smoke free and consistently seeking support.

I hope you find the quit you are looking for...because it is there for you to find.

Thanks for blogging.

[Sootie]

Stan----Write this down somewhere........

"Many great successes often came one step beyond great failures".

Keep going.....we are with you.

[Giulia]

The only person you need to apologize to is yourself and that 'best of you' yearning to breathe free.  Hope you discover neat things through therapy that will deepen you awareness and enable you to employ the needed tools for success.

[YoungAtHeart]

I KNOW you can do this.  Make up your mind and go for it!

Nancy