MARCH 15, 2009
O.k. here I am again! Needless to say, I failed. Quit date is set for April 1st. Starting the program all over again.
This time I am going cold turkey. I had such a terrible reaction to the patch. I had squares all over my body with tons of tiny blisters on them. It burned and itched something awful. But, I wasn't smoking, so I kept using them till I thought I was going to lose my mind. It was not good. I'm pretty sure I was allergic to them, but I was not smoking, so I kept using them. It was very bad. I wanted to quit so bad.
So...I believe I need to not use anything and get all the nicotine out of my system.
I'm starting the plan today. Going thru the whole thing again. Maybe it'll stick this time.
It is very embarassing for me to come back here, but here I am. I have COPD and I can tell it is acting up again and it is hard for me to breathe. You would think getting put in the hospital would make me stop. I don't want to go thru that again. So here I am again.
I need support, I am so weak, it is ridiculous. I went yesterday to buy my weekly carton and was shocked that they had gone up $10 a carton. But, did I say no thank you? Nope, bought them anyway and cried on the way home that I had the nerve to waste that kind of money. How can I continue to allow something to control me that way?
I have smoked for 20 years. I think enough is enough! I am pissed.
And the separation begins.....