I made it haven't smoked in over 73 hours yay! I would love to say it's been easy and I haven't thought about smoking but that's not true. I have thought about it and I can't control the first thought that comes into my head, but I can control the second! When I think I want a cigarette I imagine myself getting into my car, turning the car on and then getting out of the car walking to the exhaust pipe and taking a huge inhalation and I think....That's gross, why would anyone want to do that and then I remember that the exhaust in my car has a filter and it probably is not as dangerous as the cigarettes I use to smoke and then I don't want a cigarette any more, then I go get my vanilla scented candle and take a big inhalation and I say....Yeah that smells so much better!
I am trying to be prepared for anything that may happen, I am giving as much effort to not smoking as I gave to smoking. When I was a smoker I would have done anything for a cigarette, if I ran out in the middle of the night I would have gotten dressed and driven to the nearest store that was open....about 40 mins away and gotten them and if I could do that to kill myself I figure I can do that or more to save myself.
I am a little worried I start a new job on Monday, I haven't worked a long term "career" job in about 20 years, I just finished school in December and now I am starting my first job in my new profession, very scarey and I'm trying to keep it in the day and not think about Monday and how I will feel, won't know that until Monday why worry about it today.
I am trying to be grateful....I am so happy that when I start my new job I don't have to worry about breaking out in a cold smoke deprived sweat feeling like I NEED A CIGARETTE or that I can't think because I need a cigarette. I'm grateful for not smelling like smoke, for my kids not having to worry about me any more or being heart broken that I started smoking again. I'm grateful for everyone on this site that posts, the good, the bad and the cheese danish, I love that danish post!!!! I'm grateful that I had a vehicle to get into this morning and drive away from my husband's cigarettes at 4:45 am, I'm grateful I had a friend to call, I'm grateful I could come to this site to read and post, I am grateful that when I got in my van to drive away from my house the song on the radio was LEAN ON ME!!!! and I was very, very grateful that I have so many great people in my life that I call friend and can lean on when I am down and think I can't carry on.....to each and everyone of you on this site thank you...for letting me lean on you, thank you for being there, thank you for understanding, thank you for not judging, thank you for all the support, thank you for NEVER TAKING ANOTHER PUFF WITH ME!!!! TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT....AND TOGETHER WE ARE!!!! THANK YOU AND HAVE A GREAT SMOKE FREE DAY!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!
