I'm not sure what I'm doing

[stephanie1067]

Hi - 

Today is day 6 of my quitting after 30 years of smoking.  I am 49 and tired of it.  Tired of worrying when it will kill me and wondering how it will kill me.  I am on the patch 21 mg.  Today was so hard.  I craved from morning until now.  I worked all week my first 5 days and today I was home and it was hard to be home where I always smoke.  All of a sudden I just started crying so much and was so sad and had no desire to participate in the world whatsoever.  

I had bronchitis for a couple weeks and was so sick and still trying to smoke and coughed and coughed until I would almost vomit.  Finally my 15 year old daughter took my cigarettes and I didn't fight her.  I put a patch on and said this is ridiculous.  But it's hard today.  So I decided to try to read up on quitting to keep myself motivated and found this site.  I'm not sure what I'm doing or how this works but I have been reading a lot of other peoples stories and want to say thank you for sharing.  I hope I can be as strong as you and I hope if there's anyone who quit around the same time as me, maybe we could do this together?  It's kind of cool because I ended up quitting on Mother's Day!  What a great gift to my mom, my kids and of course myself.  I just hope I can keep it up.

Thank you for reading.  Nice to meet any of you who read this!  

[SkyGirl]

Hi, Stephanie!  Welcome to EX!  You will find many people here who will help you with information, encourage you, support you, advise you, and stick with you through your Quit, all the way.  There was a sentence in your blog that stood out to me and I'd like to just address that for now.  

You said "I hope I can be as strong as you", ("you"meaning all the other people here who have come before you and have successfully quit smoking).  

Here's the thing, Stephanie:  You don't have to be strong to quit smoking.  Nobody here is stronger than you.  Every single person who ever came to EX came here exactly like you did; probably not truly understanding nicotine addiction, probably not feeling confident that they could beat that addiction, perhaps sometimes not even sure they WANTED to quit smoking but knowing they needed to quit and, most of all, wondering and worrying if they had the "strength" to do it.

But strength isn't what makes you successful.  Neither does "willpower".

What helps people successfully quit smoking is a simple formula.  It starts with KNOWLEDGE.  The most successful quitters prepare for their Quit by learning about nicotine addiction.  We have lots of recommendations that will help you learn how your brain and your body is affected by nicotine, why you feel you "need" nicotine, how your brain tricks you into thinking that nicotine sometimes "soothes" you, makes you feel "better", helps you "cope".  Most importantly, you can learn how to recognize these false messages and flip your thinking around instead of letting nicotine hijack your reasoning.

After KNOWLEDGE, there are three steps.   They sound simple.  And they ARE simple.  But we will not tell you that these steps are always "easy".  "Easy" is definitely different than "simple".  But when you have armed yourself with knowledge about nicotine addiction, these three steps definitely become easiER.  

Here are the next three steps:

----Make the DECISION to quit smoking.  Not to just "try".  Not to "hope it works this time".  DECIDE to quit and be done with cigarettes forever.  (You can make this decision long before you are confident in your ability to quit, Stephanie!)

----COMMIT to your decision.  Don't say "if nothing too stressful happens".  Or "if it works out".  Tell yourself "I WILL do this, NO MATTER WHAT OCCURS".

----Finally,  HONOR that commitment you have made.  Each and every day, Stephanie, decide that the decision you made to quit and that the commitment you made to that decision are the most important thing in your life right now.  And no matter what life (or your brain) throws at you, let your commitment to your decision to quit be more important than anything else that goes on.  Don't look at "forever" right now!   Look at NOT smoking the next cigarette that your addiction tells you that you "need" to get through the next few minutes or the next half-hour.  

Now this all sounds very eloquent and you probably think that I'm making it sound awfully easy.   It's not always easy...but it is absolutely doable.  I know this because I did it.  Everyone here who has quit also knows it can be done because they also did it.

But know this, Stephanie:  Not a single one of us were stronger than you are right now.  None of us are successful because we had some amazing inner source of strength and power that you somehow don't have.  (Now,  I'm not shouting, as I'm aware that many people assume that capital letters must mean...but I capitalize this next thought to make sure that you hear it, ok?).  So open your head and your heart and hear this:  YOUR ADDICTION TO NICOTINE IS NO STRONGER, NOR ANY HARDER TO BEAT, THAN ANY OF OUR NICOTINE ADDICTIONS WERE.  IF WE COULD DO THIS...SO CAN YOU, STEPHANIE.  And we will ALL help you!

Please post another blog and ask for recommended readings.  My personal favorite is on the website "whyquit.com".  On their homepage, in the upper left-hand corner, is a link to an article called, "Nicotine Addiction 101".  It's not a super-easy read, but it will go a LONG way to help you understand what nicotine has done to your brain to make you THINK that you enjoy smoking and would be really unhappy if you quit.   And ask someone to post the link to "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr.  There is a lot to be said about that short, easy-to-read book, but my comments have gotten waaaay too long right now.  

You can be a successful Quitter,  Stephanie.  We will help you learn how to do it.   Just stay here on EX.  Keep blogging about anything you want to.  Ask for information.  Say how you feel.  We will be here for you.  So jump in with both feet, Stephanie!  We will catch you!

xxxooo,  Sky

[Giulia]

Listen very carefully to that lady above me.  She is giving you so much wise knowledge on how to beat this addiction.  This is great site for knowledge, inspiration, support and pure goodness of heart.  Start at the beginning and just work your way through.  If you click on the Home page, you'll see in the upper right My Quit Plan.  Even though you've already been quit for 6 days, go through the blue tabs at the top (if you haven't already).  You'll learn a whole lot about the addiction.  Take what speaks to you and leave the rest, but be aware that some of the things we DON'T like are sometimes some of things we most need to pay attention to.  On that same Home page on the far right you'll see the  Best of Ex.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/content?filterID=all~tag%5Bbest_of_ex%5D   Read the material in there.  Valuable stuff from many different quitters here.  

It's important to change your routines, shake yourself up and shake off the cravings.  They won't last forever - even though you think they will at this stage of your journey.  Tomorrow is your first week milestone and believe me, you're MILES ahead of that person who is on day one.  Rejoice. We're here for you.  Keep blogging, keep yelling, crying is normal, and believe us when we say it WILL get easier.  You have to be willing to hang on until it does.  Courage~!   You can do this!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Stephanie, we have 60,000 - 80,000 thoughts a day - some are useful and some are not. Here's the thing - thoughts are not commands! Addictive thoughts can feel just that way but they have one single purpose - to get a smoke! That's it! 

When you come here and read the information you are flooding your mind with a different kind of thoughts full of knowledge and inspiration. Just think how much hope SkyGirl's reply gave you! When you READ, READ, READ it gives you something to think about other than Sickerettes! When you write out your Addictive thoughts don't be surprised when folks come here and as gently as possible tell you that these thoughts are unhelpful and how to change your perspective. That's what we do! We help you sort through the psychological addiction so that you can get to FREEDOM from Nicotine Addiction! 

The truth is that we are all very much individuals but Addiction is very mundane and ordinary. The steps and stages you have to take toward Freedom are quite predictable. Sometimes it hurts us because we feel our uniqueness is being attacked but what we are attacking is a subtle Nico-Lie called Personal Exceptionalism. Personal Exceptionalism goes like this:

• Under ordinary circumstances and for most people smoking is undesirable/irrational;
  
• My circumstances are not ordinary and I am different from most people;
  
• Therefore smoking is not undesirable/irrational in my case - or not as undesirable/irrational as it would be in other cases.

We have what you want and we can show you how to get there!

[Mandolinrain]

Great advise from 3 of our top Elders above. I will add this though, your quit will go as far as your knowledge and your willingness to pursue no matter how hard it gets.

When those times come, come here. Blog, share, cry, stomp your feet. We will help you muddle through. You have to go through to get the breakthrough, we all did.

Now get busy getting busy! Your on your way to freedom and I promise, its a beautiful thing I NEVER thought I could have.....but here I am and I love it. You will too.

[gregp136]

And let me add this thought...or two:

1.  You have a wonderful and loving daughter.

2.  You can do this.  Everyone on here has felt like it was impossible, and we pushed beyond that and we did it!

3.  This is the toughest time, and you are pushing your way through!  Great job!

4. When you feel the next crave, compare it to the pain of childbirth.  Which was worse?  And the crave will pass, and you will give life to a livelong quit!!!!!

5. Welcome!  And you are doing it!!!

Greg

[Bree19]

Depends which child we're talking about.

How did that go for you?

[stephanie1067]

I am so thankful for all of your wonderful suggestions and comments.  I will get to reading and keep telling myself I know I can do this!!  I have one week today!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so proud of that.  Thank you thank you thank you for replying and helping and commenting.  I appreciate it very much.  If feels good to talk to other who have experienced what I am.  Congratulations on all your quits!  I will definitely be around this site daily.

[crazymama_Lori]

the first 30 days are like a tornado going through.  Keep telling yourself nope, nope, nope.  you can do this, you can do this.  Any nicotine replacement system, let it be medication, patches, gum, inhalers will only lessen the symptoms.  they will not take them away completely.  Trust me when I tell you that they will lessen as each month goes by.  here's a link to some blogs of mine that follow what I went through a year ago.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/newbie-quitters/blog/2017/03/01/new-members-welcome 

Be aware, I know when I was on the patch, each time I stepped down, the first couple of days was hard.  But know that it's just simply your body getting used to not having nicotine at the same rate.  think of it as when you get new glasses.  it takes a while to get used to the new prescription.  I know I was amazed how much psychologically we relied on the act of smoking to take care of some difficulties in our lives, let it be anger, sadness, loneliness, used it as relaxation.  As you move through this month make note of when the cravings hit you the hardest and what you were doing.  Keep a journal or a notebook with you and jot it down.  At the end of the day, look at your entries and then devise your game plan to replace what you used the ACT of smoking with some other activity.  In my case I smoked when I was frustrated.  Now, I take a walk to remove myself for that few minutes instead.  I used it for boredom.  Now, I find something to do or attract my attention with.  You see what I'm getting at......

If you need help, please reach out to us or even message those  members if you need to

[JonesCarpeDiem]

http://community.becomeanex.org/pg/blog/read/3713880/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months

[stephanie1067]

Everyone is so helpful!  Thank you so very much!!  Love all the reading materials!

[gregp136]

I honor the woman who gave birth to my three children.  

[Yess]

I can't seem to find a link to Allen Carr's book and I don't see that anyone has posted it here yet - can someone do that for her please? ooh - I found it in one of my emails! This book did the trick for me!

 http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

[Spiritwriter1]

Hi Stephanie, great posts! I'm brand new here and was looking around.  Your title drew me in! Keep writing lady! I will add more. Be well & happy☆♡☆

[stephanie1067]

I am bran new also as of yesterday!!  Best of luck on your quit!  

[stephanie1067]

Thank you, I will look into this tomorrow,  Bed time for now.  Thanks again!

[ryan44]

Hi Stephanie, I had also smoked for 40 years before I quit. I also used the patch. Your doing great with 6 days quit.  It will get better. I knew someone mentioned write down your thoughts and that exactly what I did. After about 3 weeks I didn't feel  the need to do that any more. All the reading the elders are giving you is so valuable. Ive been quit for 5 years now and it's been great. I feel much more energetic,have more money, had a lot of problems with my hands and legs when I smoked and now it's has gradually gone. Now instead of smoking I'm walking and I have a Fitbit to count steps. One thing you need is to quit smoking but replace it with something else. In my case it was walking. You can do it!!!! I know I was there myself. 

[jbliesmer]

Welcome Stephanie! I have nothing to add that hasn't been said. But keep fighting. You are doing so well!

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Finding your blog a bit late but so encouraged by your progress to date.  How's it going?  Still hanging tough?  Keep us posted on your progress.  We love SUCCESS stories!

Be well.  Be happy.  Be FREE.

[stmand92]

Hi Stephanie, 

You took the first step in improving your health and life overall. There will be the good and bad times but you can get through them. I had tried several times to quit and I think that I owe most of my success to the support I received from the site. There is someone on here 24 hours a day that can listen when you need to vent, when you need advise and even when you just want to say hi. It's a great resource and we all understand and have gone through similar struggles. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

[stephanie1067]

Thank you - still doing well, no smoking since 5/14/17.  I'm at work all day and I work for the State of Connecticut.  Talk about stressful but we can't access any websites on work computers so I can only read and answer at night when I get home during the week.  I was looking to see if there was an Instagram page or an app for this site for my phone but I couldn't find any.  If there are any I would love to add to my phone.  I love this site.  I found it on my worst day and I am so happy I did.  You are all really wonderful and supportive and I want to be a success story because of this site.  I have been doing so much reading here that I really believe is helping me so much.  If I stay tuned in to my quit and this site every day, I'm sure I can do this with all of you!!  

[stephanie1067]

Wow, 5 years!! Congratulations!!    That's awesome!

[Giulia]

There currently is no app, but you can always access the site through your web browser on your phone.  Day 8 and you're doing great!  Keep it going!  Something to read, if you haven't already:  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2013/09/10/how-precious-is-your-quit?sr=search&searchId=9e20ecea-629d-462b-a24a-c...‌

[freeneasy]

Great job with your quit Stephanie! I found this site about a week or so after I quit and after that spent lots of time here. Quitting smoking is the best thing you can do for yourself.  I 2nd all of the above! You can't learn too much about quitting smoking. Take it one day at a time and never question yourself. You made the right decision to quit. You can do it.Learn How to Quit Smoking (and Make it Stick) 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Follow the path grasshopper.