Depression and smoking are actually two different issues, I think that when we quit, we tend to lump all the negative thoughts that we have into the quit. Or to use our problems as an excuse to keep smoking. Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started. I kicked around the idea of quitting for years before I finally did it.
And I know I was terrified at the very idea of giving up my addiction. I think fear of change is what we're really scared of. I mean, when we spend so long convincing ourselves that smoking is a need, it takes a while to turn those thoughts around.
And as long as we're scared of change, we really can't get anywhere. If it were me, I'd work to understand that smoking and my emotions are two different things. Quitting is a process. And it has to come from inside because that's where the battle will be fought. But it's a battle worth having because if we don't, our futures might really give us something to be down about.
Don't lose your resolve. You can do this just like countless others have, and in the end, you'll be stronger for it! Keep fighting. It's well worth the fight. I look forward to hearing of your success!!
Chuck gave you a GREAT response. If you really feel like you bring darkness to your life, then think about how you can change that. If you don't know how, then perhaps you need some help in that area. We aren't equipped to give you the tools to combat depression. If that's what you think you are going through. But there are other groups that deal more in that area. They might be better able to help you.
I can come up with a whole bunch of thoughts that might help, but I'm not a psychologist. I've found that one of the ways I've been able to get through certain negatives stages in my life, or in a particular day, is to ask questions of myself. You said you feel you "bring darkness to life." OK. Why? Why do you bring it, if you do, and why do you feel it, even it may not be true? Once you start going through that process, more questions come to mind and more and more answers must be brought forth and given serious thought.
We all get down. I do. I wail at the universe and God. And don't understand - anything about life. And then tomorrow I do. We have to keep pretending everything is ok - at times - even when it's not. You know? Because that's how we move on.
We do have the power to bring darkness or light to ourselves, to our psyche, our emotional beings. The challenge is to bring more light than darkness. And it's all simply a matter of where we choose to focus our thoughts. I am learning to turn away, much more quickly, from the negative thoughts. I'm catching myself, mid morose and saying, "Hey - stupid - what are you doing? Are you ENJOYING thinking all this negative, sad stuff??? HMMMMM? Well - you don't have to dwell on it. Ya know? You can just stop those thoughts and think about something else. DO something else. Don't SIT THERE feeling MISERABLE!" I said that to myself just two nights ago.
It's not easy. But, just like with quitting - the more practice we have, the more attention we give it - the better able we are to change our thinking. Or at least become aware that we have a CHOICE in how we think. Mostly we just go through life being victims of our emotional selves. But we don't have to be. Though it sure takes a lot of work, utmost truth, and self delving to get over ourselves.
Go for it. You can quit (which will ultimately - after you've gotten to a certain point - give you so much lightness), or you can keep trying. And trying. When you're tired of trying and tired of yet another day one, you will finally say - no matter what. I will quit no matter what. That's the point I finally got to. No matter what I will never go through another day one. Done with that process.
If you want to be free of this addiction AND you want to feel damn good about yourself - do everything in your power to maintain your quit once you've gotten through day one. Be willing to be uncomfortable. Because you will be. Be willing to be uncomfortable and find ways to combat that feeling. That's the homework we all need to do. Quitting is not a comfortable experience. Truth. But it's not the end of the world either. You want to be free then you have to put up with and accept whatever it takes. Can you do that? I'll bet you can.
Cole, you need to see someone, you need to talk to a doctor, clearly you need some medication. Do NOT lose your quit, you have put so much time and energy into it and you have learned so much. You have gone through some really challenging times already...don't give up. This too shall pass. Many people who smoke did so because they were self medicating...perhaps your depression has always been there but now you are more aware of it. PLEASE, get some help. Call and make an appointment, talk to your doctor, explain what you are feeling. Keep in mind that if you do start an antidepressant, it will probably take a couple of weeks to kick in. In the meantime...stay close to the site...EXERCISE...get your OWN dopamine into production.
I do not have any profound advice to give except to never give up. Usually when you are at the darkest point in whatever you are trying to do it is the brink of a new dawn but you have to hold on and have faith that things will get better. You can choose whatever however you will handle it. This too shall pass
Quitting Smoking has not made my depression better but it has given me many, many tools to wade through those episodes. I have been blogging from time to time about depression, Cole, but also about being a Happy Quitter - I am both! What made the difference for me during those early Quit Days was to realize that Smoking Cessation doesn't cure all. I was depressed before I smoked and I get depressed now.
Years ago my therapist told me not to Quit Smoking because it was too much to handle. I wish now that I had not listened to her! I have COPD - she doesn't! Now even though I have COPD, I have come to terms with my depression - because as confusing as it seems - I grow out and up with each episode!
I want to build those adult to adult relationships with my children, to be grampa to my grandchildren, to share friendships with folks like you. Here's a sad article I read about mental health:/blogs/Thomas3.20.2010-blog/2016/01/31/25-years-what-a-waste Don't be a statistic! Folks want to meet you, to need you, to learn from you! You have within your power to decide to stay Smoke FREE and to Recover from addiction. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself during the dark days and you will know even more than those who don't have mental illness how fabulous every bright, shiny day really feels like!
I'm not a professional either--not a nurse, a doctor, not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I do believe that suffering is not ok. I do believe that you have a responsibility to yourself to get the kind of help you need for the dark mood you are going through.
As far as Ex and quitting go, it sounds as though you are currently smoking and don't care. I can't judge you on that. I'm a former smoker and I went through a lot of twists and turns before I found my resolve to quit. I do wish you would write more than a sentence or two--one last thought--quitting isn't like addiction--we can't get instant satisfaction in doing it. It's a journey of discovery and milestones.
Stay focused on what you can do, stay focused on the help and support you can get.
Maybe your thoughts are trying to tell you something important. Professional guidance during times like this can be a wonderful thing!! And even greater is the realization that you get to choose the professional to assist you in figuring out what's going on in your world Just like choosing a surgeon or a daycare center or even a hairdresser, interview your provider to get comfortable with the person who is going to be an important part of your recovery. Remember, my friend, that you are in control of who you let in and how you go about working through your life.
And you deserve to work through it and reach that other side!! The side where things feel lighter...where things feel better....where things are not so heavy and difficult. You deserve to feel freedom and sunshine and warmth.
Your life, your decisions, of course. I respect that and I'm sure everyone here does as well. They...and I....want so much to help but we can only listen, support, and maybe offer up an idea or two that sparks a flicker of light in you. What you chose to do with those ideas is entirely up to you. Know we care.
maryfreecig said something that really stood out for me:
I do believe that you have a responsibility to yourself to get the kind of help you need for the dark mood you are going through.
She is right, everyone here is right and everyone is reaching out to help you, Cole. Clearly, we cannot do this for you, we cannot lift the dark curtain but we can direct you to get help and to stay CLOSER to the site...more regularly. Depression is terrible, I have a husband and a son who both suffer from it and I can tell you that, from the outside, it looks like pure torture. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get professional help.
I highly recommend seeing someone. Tell your primary care provider that you need to see someone for therapy and explain why. They’ll refer you to someone good in the area. TRUST ME I went to a therapist and I’m glad I did. Sometimes all you need is someone to sit down and talk things out with.That’s the first step. Wish you the best, sending positive vibes your way!
Depression sucks! I hate it when it strikes at my door! Please do not let it go unattended, that can be bad! We want to keep following your success, so please help yourself by getting help! There is nothing bad about getting help! NOTHING!!
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