Today is my one year anniversary. I have and still maintain "not one puff ever", and I think about cigarettes maybe once a month. I NEVER crave one, though. Seriously. I'm done with them. Most of my thoughts are when I'm going through something, or what used to be a trigger has passed, I'll think, "when I was a smoker, I'd have been puffing away right now", but I never think "I wish I had a cigarette right now".
Last weekend, we had to put our cat to sleep. For 18 hours, we didn't know if he was going to make it or not. After we decided to put him down, my son and I felt it was best to actually be there. It was a highly stressful situation. The next day, I remember thinking, "wow, I never once thought about a cigarette that entire time".
Now, this whole not smoking thing is fun. I see people smoking and I really feel sorry for them. I'm so glad it's no longer me. I smell cigarette smoke and I'm so glad I don't smell like that anymore. A few weeks ago, I woke up with a little cough that lasted just that day. Allergies or something, but I was reminded of that incessant phlegm that was forever causing me to cough and clear my throat when I was a smoker. I'm about to buy health insurance for my family and I get to leave blank the box that says "nicotine use in the past year?". Now THAT'S fun!
I get to laugh when my son tells me that my ex asks him "Has your mom started smoking again, yet?" He never really knew who I was to begin with, lol. Keep waiting for me to fail, and you will be disappointed.
I am grateful for this journey. I've learned a lot about myself and others. I'm grateful for this site and all of those who helped me through this quit. I miss those who didn't make it and left. Especially Dan, who made me laugh more than I thought possible. His "quit with wit" mantra, and our "pokers not smokers" group especially helped keep me focused. I hope he comes back, and I hope his Crohn's disease is in check. When he said he smoked a cig to remind him how nasty it was, I knew it was the beginning of the end of his quit. I really hoped he would make it. This site does that. We become attached to people we have never met, and we form bonds with people we will never meet. Some friendships are so strong they carry over to real life. People have met in real life. It is amazing.
I am not here as often as I was in the beginning of my quit. I check in periodically and I see familiar names and many new ones. I will never take my quit for granted, and will always protect it. I hope I've helped as many of you, as I've been helped by others. Thank you to all of you. To all of you newbies...keep your focus and don't let life take your quit from you. One moment at a time; the moments turn to minutes; the minutes turn to hours; the hours turn to days; the days turn to weeks; the weeks turn to years. This year has flown by, and I'm looking forward to the rest of my life...as a nonsmoker.
