I'm falling

[char13]

    Help. I feel like I'm going to fall hard. I'm craving a smoke so bad. I've been arguing with my daughter all day. I just need a break. I just need to be alone. It's something new every day and I am tired. I know she can't always help it but I'm just so tired. I haven't had a cigarette in 822 days and I know it will only make things worse but I want one. 

[indingrl]

This too shall pass - jog in place right now - lungs HEALTHY - CONGRATS 822 NON SMOKER DAYS - WAY TO GO- LIFE AND NOT DEATH!!!!! GOOD JOB

[char13]

  Thank you. I know it will pass and tomorrow's a new day but right now it sucks

[MarilynH]

Deep breaths and know that we're all here to help you in any way we can you're right smoking will make things worse so much worse and you'll screw up precious quit journey You don't ever want to go back to to that horrid DAY ONE again, I pray things will settle down a bit with your, hang on tight to your quit and keep moving forward so each evening you can say YAY for another Day WON......

[indingrl]

And that's ok - it sucks - yet. - thank you for HELPING ME - attitude is real yet -  YOU are victorious -  over YOUR feelings thinking - YOUR COMMITTED to loving YOUR self first - with YOUR NEW MINDSET - NOT LETTING  YOUR OLD ADDICT MINDSET lead YOU - NOT TODAY!!!! CONGRATS ON YOUR PERSONAL VICTORY - YOUR FANTASTIC - YOUR courageous and strong and HELPING others to BELIEVE and HOPE - if YOU live as a non smoker during this suckee MOMENT of YOUR day -  and come out victorious - then I will too  - gentle hug

[char13]

  You're so right and thank you. I smoked for 30 plus years and it took me 10 years to finally make it this long staying  quit. And you're right, I definitely don't want to start over again but, wow, sometimes it's hard. 

[YoungAtHeart]

Take some slow/deep breaths, march in place - jump in the shower where your daughter can't argue with you, or go for a walk. 

DO NOT lose this wonderful quit!  You need to relearn how to deal with this kind of stress without smoking - and it's a difficult lesson, I know.

Maybe some ice cream?

Just don't smoke.  SO glad you came here first.  Think about how absolutely awful it would be to land back on Day One.

Hang in there!!!!!

[char13]

  Thanks. I think I'm just gonna go to bed cuz now I feel bad about arguing. I can't win!! You guys are very helpful though. Thank you 

[sweetplt]

Hang tough char13 822 days quit is a long time ... don’t give in...it will cause you double the stress...go take a walk...and a nice bath with a book and then go to bed...tomorrow will be another day and I bet it will be better....(sending good vibes and prayers your way) ~ Colleen 330 DOF 

[char13]

 Thanks. It's just so hard sometimes. 

[Giulia]

You may be falling but we're here to catch you.  Don't you dare give up this beautiful, BEAUTIFUL quit of yours.  You will be so sorry if you do.  All that hard work.  We will be sorry for you if you do.  It's okay to want one, but you don't have to follow up on that want.  You know?  A craving is not a command.  And it won't enable you to be alone.  If you want to be alone, go for a walk, or a drive.  You only imagine a cigarette will comfort you because that was the old way you used to handle stuff.  That was old you.  This is new you.  You're strong.  You're competent.  And you have quit smoking for 822 days.  Make tomorrow 823.  Please do that for yourself.

Meanwhile, poke your nose in Relapse Prevention‌  Read the THE EX ONE PUFF FILES‌  Read REPLAY THE RELAPSE‌

And as I said, it's okay to want one.  Just don't go get one.  Because one, as you know, is never enough.  And "one" never solves any problems, but it sure does create new ones all over again.    Repeat after me...

                

[char13]

 Thank you!! You're right, a craving is not a command. I've gone through WAYYYY harder stuff earlier in this quit and got through it without smoking and I said "if I can get through that without a cigarette I'll never smoke again ". And thanks, I will definitely check out the links. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I'd look for a big pillow, not a cigarette. 

[Roj]

Nope nope and nope...you got this, I am sure you have overcome some harder things in the last 822 days, wow I can’t wait to say that...it’s just a little devil trying to tell you what a wonderful soother that cigarette would be...little liar...it makes nothing and I mean NOTHING better...stay strong you got this!

[char13]

Thanks everyone. I made it through the night and so far, so good. I hope everyone has a good day and thanks again for everybody's support. I'll probably be reading lots of stuff on here today cuz I need to re focus and remember why I quit in the first place. 

[Barbscloud]

Good morning.  Congrats on that amazing quit and I'm  so glad you were able to hang on.  I hope today looks a little brighter.

Barb

[sweetplt]

Hope you slept and today is going better char13 

[char13]

Thank you!! Not too bad so far....

[char13]

Haha. You're right!!

[char13]

Thank you!!

[maryfreecig]

Now you know, Ex is here for you. This is about relearning life--that includes high stress. This journey is a blessing.

/blogs/Marilyn.H.July.14.14.-blog/2019/08/12/life-can-and-will-kick-us-in-the-teeth 

[char13]

I am thankful Ex is here and all of you too!!

[maryfreecig]

Way to go!

[TriGirl]

I'm so glad you didn't give in. I am amazed that the desire to smoke can still be so strong sometimes-- even years later?!? But you came here first. And you waited for responses. And you embraced the advice given. It is comforting to see someone years into their quit utilizing the resources available here to reignite the passion for the quit. I think that's a vital piece of a solid quit. You have to believe in your soul that life is better without being controlled by a substance. Without question, it is. But as time passes and conflicts arise, I can see how easy it is to lose enthusiasm. I am so happy you are looking for that inner flame.

[char13]

I know.  This addiction just lies in wait for an opportunity to strike. I'm so glad everyone was here. I don't think anyone starts smoking and says, "I think I'll smoke for 30 years". I know I didn't. I thought I could stop when I wanted to. Hahaha!!!  Young and dumb I was!! I wish I knew then what I know now!!

[elvan]

I am so sorry you are struggling with craves AND with your daughter.  Please know that you do not need to smoke to have some time alone and look at how far you have come!  CONGRATULATIONS on a seriously impressive quit.

Ellen

[char13]

Thank you. She's had a lot of anxiety and depression issues her whole life and sometimes it gets overwhelming and I just need a break but we're good for now.

[elvan]

char13‌ When my youngest was 13, she made me cry every single day, she was SO RUDE and critical and I chalked it up to adolescence.  I took her for allergy testing because she had reactions to almost everything.  Her allergy testing was CRAZY, I used to DO allergy testing when I worked in an office.  Almost everything she was tested for was positive, like 4++ positive and the only two that were negative were dogs and cockroaches.  The allergist told her she needed to live in a city.  He told me that her thyroid was very enlarged and he suspected thyroid cancer.  I almost lost my mind, we took her to a pediatric endocrinologist and she said it was NOT cancer, it was Hashimoto's Disease and once she was put on thyroid medication, she was back to being human...still a teenager but HUMAN.

I don't know how old your daughter is but PLEASE take care of yourself.

Ellen

[char13]

Thank you for the information. I totally understand. I thought she was just "being bold" and she would grow out of it. I didn't want to put her on medication. The doctors never said anything was wrong back then. She's 25 now and is over the "bold" stage but still has pretty bad anxiety and depression and ocd. We've been going to doctors for about 6 or 7 years now and it doesn't really seem like they're helping. I'm trying to find the right doctor but it's definitely not easy. 

I'm doing ok now but sometimes it just gets overwhelming dealing with it every day. I know it does for her too. Thank you again for the concern.

[Giulia]

"Some days are overwhelming.  And then the next day isn't.  And we hold onto the days that aren't."

I "get" that.  I have a question.  What makes her happy?  What makes her feel good.  Do you know?  Does she know?  If you asked her where she needs to go to find a happy place, a safe place - would she be able to answer?  Would you?  for yourself? 

For me, when I start asking questions of myself that are uncomfortable, for which I have no answer, I begin to move out of my comfort zone.  But in that questioning state my comfort zone may not be too comfortable to begin with, so... what have I got to lose by asking and attempting to answer the question.  

Maybe it's not a doctor or a particular drug she needs.  Rather maybe it's something that turns her on, makes her excited about life. Maybe she just hasn't plugged into that THING that elevates her spirit.  If doctors aren't helping - then perhaps it's time to try other venues?  Or perhaps you have.

I remember growing up I had NO interest in school learning.  Hated every minute of it.  But when I was given a guitar lesson - I blossomed. I found a thing that I loved and wanted to learn about.  My instincts and experience tell me - when you find the thing you love to do - it opens a happy world.  And she may not know what that happy thing is.  But I truly believe there's something out there that will turn her on and nourish her spirit.  Then again, I may be very naive in my "take."  I just offer it up as a supportive thought.  

[char13]

Thank you for a different perspective on it. I guess I haven't really thought about it that way. I've just been trying to hold on. Your comment definitely gives me something to think about. Thank you. 

[Giulia]

Sometimes we can see the trees for the forest.  I know the saying is the other way around, but sometimes I'm so focused on the tree that I can't see the forest around me - if that makes any sense.  Whatever gives us a fresh perspective I find helpful.  We tend to get so myopic in our emotional thinking it's nice to be presented with a different view.

[elvan]

Great response Giulia‌, it is so hard when it is one of our kids...you really have made a good point there. 

Ellen

[Giulia]

Well, you know, I don't have children, so I can't even begin to really grasp that perspective because I've never lived it.  But I do know that I can get caught up in the emotional whirlwinds of those I love and SOMETIME'S I'm actually able to step back, or maybe it's when I'm in the eye of the tornado of emotions that  there's a moment of calm, impersonal, intellectual thought, that enables me to see with a clarity what our emotional slavery doesn't afford.  It's a gasp of a grasp of a different thinking.  Humor does that too.  When we can step back and say to our selves "GET OVER YOURSELF" -  that moment of stepping back, of looking from a different perspective - is so healthy emotionally.  So very healthy.  Because if we don't recognize that how we live our lives is based upon our perception - then we don't know we have a choice as to how we perceive.  Ya know?  I never stop learning.  Thank you, Ellen.