This is not where I want to be but know I have to be here. Started my quit over the holidays last year. Had tons of support and encouragement from my dear friends here. Got very comfortable with the quit and left. Life went on and little crises popped up and found myself turning to my dirty secret to get me through. Couldn't talk to anyone about it because absolutely no one knew I was doing it. I have closet smoking down to an art!! I continued the see saw for quite some time. Still considered myself an EX until the recent crisis. Just forget to do the quit again. Got quite comfortable with the status quo until I was called out and questioned about relapses. I could have chosen to ignore that question and have my silence speak of my guilt or face the truth. I don't believe in lies so I put myself out there. It was so difficult and I was devastated that I had let all my good friends down. I felt so exposed!!! One of my dear friends has not talked to me since. I've been trying in my head to justify myself and say it is all about stress yet I know deep in my heart it is yet another excuse. I accept that now and I'm done. I will be here until I'm very strong again. It may not be as often as I should (I have 2 farms on FB to maintain you know 🙂 ) but I will now reach out to everyone during a crisis instead of that cig. Quitting is easy but disappointing my friends has been the hardest thing.
