I feel like a failure!

[RachelN]

I've been doing great with my quit.  I started moving my body this week and stop with the eating non stop to compensate for not smoking.  I've had a great week.  Tonight my husband talked me into going to a cook-out with our friends.  I've missed my friends but they are smokers and I've not felt ready to be around smoking.  I said yes, okay, I think I'm ready.  After we ate, I drank a beer.  As the night went on I drank another beer and when my husband went out to the garage to look at a car, like a child I snuck a cigarette.  He came out and saw me and pulled me aside and tried to encourage me to not let it go any further. I smoked three more after our conversation and drank two more beers.  I feel like a failure.  I've made it over a month and now I'm back to square one.  What the heck is wrong with me.  My mind has gone right back to smoking.  I have had to stop myself from buying a pack and just saying to heck with this quit.  I'm not!  I'm not!  I'm not smoking any more.  I'm a complete mess right now.  I doubt sleep will find me tonight and I deserve to feel awful about myself!  My quit day is now tomorrow.  Please pray that I finally beat this stupid, nasty, disgusting, filthy devil that is constantly on my shoulder.  I hate this!  

[Giulia]

Ah Rachel.  Have you not read Nancy's weekly "don't drink" blogs?  If not, then you need to.  Follower her YoungAtHeart‌ and pay attention to  the bogs she put puts out every single week about not drinking when you're in the early stages of your quit.   Actually I think you have read her blogs and  you've learned the hard, oh so very hard lesson, that you weren't ready:  "I've missed my friends but they are smokers and I've not felt ready to be around smoking.  I said yes, okay, I think I'm ready." 

As I say on my home page, "if you still want one, you're still vulnerable.  Protect your quit."  

You failed. You failed to adhere to what you knew.  You failed to maintain your quit no matter what.  You failed because you didn't trust your instinct which said - don't go there.  But you wanted to, and your husband encouraged you to go to the cookout.  

And now you're paying the price. Because you had a beautiful one-month quit and yes, now you're back to another day one.  And the hideousness that comes along with it.  

If you haven't bought that next pack of slavery - don't.  You are not a failure because you failed.  You will  be a failure if you buy that next pack.  Replay the Relapse

When you hate relapsing enough, you'll not relapse again and you'll have your forever quit.  Meanwhile  Welcome to Another Day One.  Learn from this episode so that you never have to repeat it.  I'm sorry you have to begin all over.  That sucks..  

[freeneasy]

It's hard to change your feelings but feeling like a failure won't help you .Chalk it up as learning experience and start over. You know you can do it you've already done it for 30 days. Start over and remember-N.O.P.E. You know that drinking makes it harder-I lost a 4 year quit once while drinking and it took me 33 years to quit again! 

Now we have this site and know we can't take a puff. We can take and keep our freedom from addiction. It takes work at first but the longer you go the easier it gets

[JonesCarpeDiem]

When new quitters

Are in risky situations

And partake in Libations

Many fall

Put some Vicks 

Under your nose to remind you

If you still feel temptation

Turn and walk

[karenjones]

Yup, now you know that smoking makes you depressed.  so..... want to be happy? stop smoking.  Want to lay a huge psychological burden down? Quit smoking. Want to be happy about the good , positive life you are living and the great things you are doing to make this come about? Quit Smokiing.  Want to be unhealthy, stinky. looser who gives her money to big tobacco corporations to make her health purposely very bad, want to be depressed, cranky, tired for the rest of your life ? Carry on smoking. Go ahead, smoke 35,000 of them. Youre a grown up. You choose. We did, everybody on this site chose to live happily. You will too when you think about it. and it sounds like you are. This is a life changing thing you are contemplating and struggling with now.   But you can do it.  NOT ONE PUFF EVER.

[YoungAtHeart]

The WORST failure here will be if you don't learn your lesson! You might have failed this attempt to quit smoking, but it does not make YOU a failure.   You aren't ready to drink alcohol - period.  Being around smokers didn't help, but I imagine the drinking allowed your commitment to be easily overcome.  Make a plan now what you will do differently this time.  Your best one would be not to drink - and if you do start to falter, to get the heck out of there.

Smoking should never be an option. 

I have faith in you - now you need to rekindle it in yourself!

Don't buy any more!

Nancy

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Rachel, I am sorry that you feel like a failure.  I hope that this experience is the best teacher.  Obviously, you read the lesson but did not pass when you were tested. Get back in the books and study some more so the next time you will succeed.  Use the failure as a tool and learn from the mistake and move forward.  Do not stay stuck in failure mode but use the failure as a catalyst to succeed. No matter what, but any means necessary NOPE> Come here more often if you can.  There is a weekly post on alcohol. Alcohol has caused the failure of many a quit. 

Thank you for posting so that someone one else may not make the same mistake.   Now you have to use the relapse as the teacher.  Pull it together and get this quit back on the journey.  You can do it.  Chin up. 

[Barbscloud]

Rachel, don't  beat yourself up.  All that does is make you feel worse about yourself and you'll want to console yourself by smoking.  Sometimes  we have to experience something to learn our lesson.  You did, so move on and end it now.  You got this.  

[desiree465]

So you screwed up and smoked, it's not the end of the world. You got through a month with your last quit which means you are perfectly capable of doing it again. Tons of people try to quit and fail, but what separates the real failures from the people that just made a mistake is getting back up on that horse and trying again. Obviously now you know drinking is the devil when it comes to a quit lol. I had to stay away from my smoking friends for a long time. I was able to have a drink after the first month of my quit but I did that with my non-smoking friends and I limited myself to one drink. 

[elvan]

Don't beat yourself up...that won't do any good.  By the same token...don't let yourself completely off the hook.  You're right, you drank and then you smoked.  You have to put your quit before everything...including missing your friends.  If you want to see them...talk about your journey and talk about how well you are doing and how you appreciate their support and DON'T drink alcohol.  It is a quit killer and many of us have had to start over because we drank.  Go forward from THIS place...yes, it's your first day...make it count and know that we are here and a LOT of us have been exactly where you are.  This journey is not easy but is IS possible.

You CAN do this, you CAN, you CAN, you CAN!

Ellen

[AnnetteMM]

I would like to enlarge and frame this beautiful response. Failing does not equal being a failure, especially if you learn something. Wonderful!

[IrishRose]

You failed to protect your quit, but you are not a failure.

It's like when you were in school.  If you failed a test, it was not because you were a failure.  You failed to prepare for that test is why you failed. 

Now, you have to start all over again, and that really sucks, but you know to stay away from the alcohol.  Drinking and smoking go hand-in-hand, as does coffee for some.

(((((hug))))) for you.  Get back to protecting your quit again real soon.  Please don't wait.  Waiting will give you more time to create excuses as to why it's good to wait. 

Irish Rose

[stAn3]

You don’t have to smoke again. It is your choice. Either practice the tools of recovery today and build up your quit time or don’t and keep smoking. Today is the most important day of your recovery. Keep putting forth the effort to stay quit, just for today. You are not a failure. You are still in recovery because you came to this site and reached out for help after your relapse.

[maryfreecig]

Welp, the booze has got to be a no for a while. It takes time to let go of the nicotine addiction after you have quit. So no more booze for now. Failure smailure! Be as kind to yourself as you would to anyone asking you for help. 

[Aew1031]

Rachel, we’ve all done this a million times. Feel strong now with all the support. Don’t give in. I’m with you in this struggle.