So I know I'm physically addicted to smoking. I am psychologically addicted as well. It's the one part of me that hasn't changed since I was a kid. It's hard to explain. I used to be this defiant, fearless, I can do anything girl. I was other things too that weren't awesome. But it seems like I have grown out of all of it. Now I'm just a grown up that goes to work and pays her bills and has hang ups, and tries not to rock the boat. I worry about offending people. And what might happen. The me that smokes doesn't care. Smoking is my link to the me that was. If I don't smoke then the me that was, the me that I miss will be gone forever. The other issue I have is I get irrationally angry at the thought of people asking me or talking to me about quitting. Like if my mom or bff, who have both quit, and have both said things to me about quitting, were to say to me, now don't you feel better? I might want to punch them. Or if they even said they thought it was great that I quit, I would be angry with them. I already know how they feel. They keep telling me. And telling me. And telling me. How am I supposed to quit if I feel so psychologically tied to it and not just physically addicted? And how do I quit if I just have my husband for support?
