I decided to smoke again, but...........

[bcs1212]

On Sunday life's pressures really got to me, and I really felt so far away from God, trouble at home and my one dog had an operation. And also the weight gain is freaking me out.  I used to smoke for comfort now I eat for comfort.  I went out and bought two cigarettes hoping to get some comfort again while smoking them.  I lit one cigarette but as I sucked in the fowl smoke it was as if something hit me square in the chest, the pain was incredible and i coughed.  In those few seconds I experienced the most incredible disgusting feeling I have ever had in my entire life. Smoking is not a normal thing to do in anybody's life. I obviously squashed the cigarette out immediately and crushed them into the dustbin. I realised that I cant smoke even though I tried to. I just didnt want to feel that pain again in my chest and the taste in my mouth and the smell of smoke. I have been smoke free for about 106 days, and don't consider this to be a relapse as I didn't smoke again after that one puff.  I know God helped me quit in the first place and he is not about to allow me to take up smoking again.

Brenda ex smoker 106 days

[ret]

Glad to hear that the cigs were nasty.  I'm sure they would be for me at day 80.  Good job in getting rid of that cig.  Now you can keep going forward knowing that they taste so horrible now that you don't want to ever smoke.  Thanks for the info about how nasty they are makes me not want to try it.

[Michwoman]

Quite the bullet you dodged there Brenda! It could have easily gone differently. I'm glad you didn't get hooked again!

[ShawnP]

"I decided to smoke again, but........" there is no excuses. We, as addicts, will come with any excuse to have that one puff but one puff in most cases leads to smoking again. I am glad that you didn't smoke anymore but as alot of people look at it on this site, that would be a relapse cause of the one puff. We always say N.O.P.E.= not one puff ever. With God all things are possible!

[Patty-cake]

I'm so sorry you are going through some rough times.

It's a good that you decided not to continue to smoke. Ask yourself "What is it, that you thought you were going to gain/benefit by going back to smoking, in essence, poisoning yourself?" I know this question seems harsh, but I'm only asking you to take a look inward to evaluate why you still believe that you would benefit by returning to your old addiction.

So, now the next question is, in the future when you come across stressful times, and you will, what will you do different? How will you deal with it?

How you treat your quit clock is up to you, just be aware that even those couple puffs have reawakened your receptors and you need to be on guard for increased cravings, whether they be stronger or more frequent. I tell you this because I want you to be prepared so you can protect your quit and remain free.

[mary242]

Im glad you were grrossed out, but, in all fairness, people who have taken 1 puff in the past have had to start over at day 1. If we didnt,  anybody could "try" it anytime and haave no consequence.Its not fair to the ones who live by N.O.P.E.  I dont mean to be mean, but thats my  opinion. I hope you never smoke again,good luck.   Mary

[jojo_2-24-11]

Hi Brenda, I imagined all the things you did even leading up to that one puff and how it would feel. I sometimes do exercises in my mind and give myself the whole scenerio. What would make me smoke again. And of course these are not pleasant events. I know lifes stressors are not easily handled but by doing these things it gives me possitive reinforcement that I will not smoke, because smoking is not the way God intended.

[Nyima_1.6.13]

I'm glad you didn't let your lapse turn into a relapse but you did smoke! Whether you smoked one or one hundred,I believe you should turn your clock back!

[kris54]

You're a strong 'quitter', brenda... and I'm proud of you for realizing it in that split second.   I quit on May 23rd, 2012..... and had a few puffs one horrific night in January. I did it before I even 'thought' about what I was doing.   I HAVE ALWAYS lived by N.O.P.E. since the day I quit.  BUT... I am human.  I made a huge mistake.  I too, corrected myself in that split second. Continue on with your beautiful quit........ It matters not.... what anyone else thinks..... it matters what YOU think.

YOU ARE A WINNER!!

[Danno_11-10-12]

Brenda.  You learned the hard way that that cigarette you smoked did not change any of the awful things going on in your life.  Wisely you stopped and I hope that this relapse does not make it easier to justify picking one up again in the future.  Be true to yourself and re-set your quit clock.  One puff is smoking.  And besides, you, me and everyone here live by NOPE:  Not One Puff Ever. 

[leisha_91713]

Hey Brenda.........I'm sorry that you smoked. That stinks! I've relapsed alot in the past, I know how devastating it can be. My only advice: Be very aware that the nicodemon WILL come calling. It may be in a month, a week, or a day.....but he will........and when he does, you had better have a plan and be ready!

Check out this link........It's a list of people and their stories on that "just one cigarette", which you only had one puff, but they are the same in my eyes.

http://www.quitsmokinghelp.ca/mustread/justone.html

KTQ,

Leisha

[nanawendy]

Brenda, I am sorry that you decided to smoke. When you put that cigarette in your face, lit it and inhaled the smoke into your lungs, you gave up 106 days of being smoke free. I am glad that you did not continue to smoke. One is too many and a pack is never enough. Be true to yourself and remember NOPE

Wendy

12/31/12

[bcs1212]

Thank you for all the replies, didn't realise one puff could have such a bad impact on the many quitters here, well seems like I will have to go back to day one.

Brenda ex smoker 2 days

[joyeuxencore]

Whoo Hoo Brenda!!! You are back at day one...I am not happy you smoked...I am full of joy that you read the comments and took response-ability for the smoking...re-set your clock...honest with yourself, the EX community and God...KUDOS to you for your forever quit that begins today!!!!!! We are here for you every step of the way...remember to blog first if you are having a hard time...xo   Bravo!