I can't stop crying...I need help!

[princessdeb]

I am facing a major emotional trigger right now!!!   Like I've said before, I was sneaking around smoking and hiding from my husband...  we had a rough day yesterday and I said to him "I made it through without smoking!!" He asked me  "how long has it been?  A year?"  I was honest and said 8 days....he started laughing and got sarcastic with me...he was pissed, I don't blame him. He kept saying he should have known and basically was telling me I'll never make it I told him that I was sorry that I was an addict to nicotine, but this time I feel different! This time I'm done.  I told him I needed his support and he hasn't said one word to me.  He won't talk to me and I can't stop crying.  I'm trying to be positive but all I want to do is go down to the clubhouse and smoke on the patio!!  HELP!

Deborah 9 DOF 

[kristen-9-7-15]

Forget about your husband for now. We need to work on you! Go in a room by yourself and just cry. Just cry and let it out! Punch a pillow if you want. Did you get the anger out? Okay. Now go for a nice walk. Breathe the fresh air. Now you can go back home and see if hubby is a little more receptive to talk. If not, screw him!! Lol. Just kidding. You have 9 days! That’s awesome! Push through this! You will be just fine.

[Giulia]

It's a trigger, that's all.  Doesn't mean you have to act on it.  WE will support you.  WE understand how hard it is.  He will talk to you again.  Count on it.  This is not the end of the world.  You're having a meltdown.  It will pass.  You were honest.  You said you were sorry.  Now HE's the one that has to deal with it.  Pull up your big girl panties and go on about your smoke-free day.  You've worked too hard to let this go.  OK?

[princessdeb]

kristen-9.7.15 ...Thank you!  I did remove myself from the house and went over to my friend's  house.  She is my main supporter!  I cried and she listened... then made me laugh!   He's still not talking to me, but I have a new attitude.  Like you said...take care of me! My quit is precious.  I'm sure I will be facing many of the emotional triggers because for 45 years I smoked to bury my feelings.

[princessdeb]

Giulia you are right!  I have everyone here to support me!! I have worked hard to get to day 9 and don't want to do it over again. He will get over it!   Thanks for your support!

[Barb102]

We are here for you. Please don’t cry. we all know exactly how you feel at this point in your quit , because we have been there too. Let your husband deal with his emotions. You have your quit to work on. Breathe. Arm yourself with everything to help you on this site. Don’t give in. You can and will do this. We all believe in you. Now it’s time for you to believe in yourself. Don’t you dare believe you can’t do this. You can. You did 9 days. That’s great. Now go take the pledge and promise not to smoke today. Take the hand extended to you. Then give your other to support the next person. See you are not alone. You can get all the support you need from us day or night. One day at a time. You are going through some hard days. No one said it would be easy But I promise you that it will get easier. Never let go of your quit. NOPE. Not one puff ever. 

Barb

[princessdeb]

Barb102 awwwww...thanks for the hug and encouragement!  Much needed!

[TBenyi]

I don't think I can top the advice that has already been given to you. Your husband will come around. You've made it 9 days already! That in itself is Amazing and don't let anyone tell you that it isn't. When I went cold turkey I would cry for absolutely no reason at all. I am glad you have a friend who is supporting you. She sounds like a great and true friend. Day 11 was really hard for me but 12 and 13 have been the easiest so far. You're almost through heck week! Keep on pushing and you will come through the other side. Down the road you will look back and be glad that you did.

One thing I read on here that helped me and now I wish I had bookmarked it.... It made me stop and think.  Yes a cigarette would make me feel better for about 2-3 minutes and then I would regret it and feel worse than I already do. Is it worth it? My answer was no it isn't. What stopped me from slipping was thinking about how I would feel AFTER the initial high from the cigarette wore off. I would be angry with myself, I would feel like crap and I would have to start all over again. It took me a while to work up the courage and nerve to try quitting again. I am talking years and so far so good. I have faith in you that you can and will make it through this and you will be stronger and more powerful for it!! I think you made the right choice going to your friend instead of going to the store. Great job!!

[MarilynH]

You've got this quit firmly in your grasp and we're all here to help you in any way we can, deep breaths and stick with N.O.P.E and vigilance and don't let go of your precious quit journey here's a humongous hug from me to you dear Deborah .

[JACKIE1-25-15]

That is what your addiction wants you to do.  Cave in and start again because someone said something that hurt your feelings.  This time you will get through it without smoking.  Just keep breathing deep and it is okay if you cry. Crying washes the soul.  You probably needed a good cry anyway.  This too will pass as long as you NOPE no matter what. a Big Congratulations

From EX

to

You  Deb on 8 Days of Freedom. 

[IrishRose]

I hope you are feeling better by now.  You are just having a meltdown, because of all the triggers.  Hey, let me tell you one thing though.  Enjoy that peace and quiet you are experiencing from your husband not speaking to you right now, believe me, enjoy it.     Congratulations on nine days too.  Soon, it will be one month smokefree, and I assure you, your husband will be back talking to you.  They cannot stand it, but for so long before they need something from us.  Ha!

((((hug))))

Irish Rose

[RachelMB]

Deb-

It's hard dealing with emotions without hiding behind the smoke screen.  We all have been exactly where you are today.  I'm so proud of you for coming here and letting us help you.    You did the right thing!  Hopefully things have calmed down a bit and you're feeling better.  Remember we believe in you and know you can do this! xoxoxo

Rachel

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Hang in there.

Life is to be expected. not perfected.

[maryfreecig]

     Smobriety comes first. We've all got to learn to live smober especially when things get messy. Not smoking is what grows smobriety. Better that the truth came out, now he knows. But you don't owe him your smobriety, you owe it to yourself. One day at a time, yes you can and you have for 9 so keep em coming.

[princessdeb]

MarilynH Thank you for the support and hug.  Hugs are so important!  I just got home from my friend's house.  We had a great time even took the dogs for a walk!!  I'm feeling better and Michael is talking to me but not about my quit.  That's him...he will let it go and not talk about it!

[princessdeb]

maryfreecig there are 2 good things that came out of this...my husband now knows the truth...I hated living a lie...and most importantly I didn't smoke!!  I know that smoking wouldn't fix the communication problem and I made it through because you were all here to encourage me and keep me focused on the big picture...my quit is what is important!  Another challenge faced and overcome! 

[Kbloodless]

The silent treatment is a form of abuse. if you have good friends and family or a PC doctor I think reaching out to them for suggestions and support would be a good idea. You’re not worthless for smoking. also you can’t control or change how your husband responds. Also we’re all responsible for our selves not others. You smoking isn’t about his quit. And his quit isn’t about yours, good job on 8 days! You got this!

[Kbloodless]

Have you joined the pledge today? 

[elvan]

So sorry that your husband's reaction was so tough...I have to admit that I am impressed with your statement that you don't blame him.  I went through a crying jag after I had been quit for around 60 days and I could not explain it...I just could not stop crying.  JonesCarpeDiem‌ told me that I was watering my cheeks and that made me smile...it still does when I feel like crying.  You are early in your quit and you are very raw right now, what you need is support and you will get it here, along with so many hugs that you will lose count.  I am here to offer you yet another one and to tell you that this WILL pass, your husband is angry right now, he feels like you betrayed him when, in reality, the only person you really betrayed was yourself.  This is YOUR quit and it belongs ONLY to you, no one can quit FOR you and no one can make you smoke.  You came here and you went to a friend's house...those were BOTH the decisions of a committed quitter.  I am really proud of you...give YOURSELF a hug, nice and tight, now take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds and let it out very slowly.  You are doing this Deb...you really ARE and you are doing it honestly and openly, this is a new day!

Hugs,

Ellen

[Giulia]

TBenyi The thing you wished you'd bookmarked wasn't this was it? https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/30674-replay-the-relapse 

[Lauralives]

Deborah, I agree with the fact that your husband is not being supportive, right now.  But you need people around you who are and this Ex group is.  You are doing fantastic my friend!  Kudos to you and keep it up.  Sometimes the attitude, "I'll show him" can give you some strength and energy to move out of the sadness.  But you feel what comes up and acknowledge those feelings.  I am so glad you have a friend who supports you.  I cried tons after I quit and some times thought I was losing it but what I was losing was the smoke screen that hid my feelings.  You will be stronger, weaker, and encompass many feelings.  Rock on Girlfriend.  Hugs!!!  Jill

[princessdeb]

elvan ...Ellen.  your reply is wonderful!!!  I definitely got great support from everyone here.  You are exactly right when you told me this is MY quit...I'm quitting for me!! For my health and wellbeing. Michael is back to normal, but he hasn't even brought up the subject...I know he won't. So I guess we are all good:)  I've almost made it through day 9 and heading into day 10!!!  Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom...♡♡♡ 

[princessdeb]

Lauralives ...Jill, it's funny you should say "I'll show him" because that was the first thing that came to my mind...Lol. in August he will have been free from smoking for 4 years. So he has been right where I am.  Little by little he will see me make it smoke free one day at a time.  Thanks for your support♡

[Lisaml]

Hey there, o hope you’re feeling better by now! Just wanted to chime in with my support! I’m so so sorry you’re husband is not being supportive right now. But I am so thankful your friend was there for you. And you have all of us! We ALL want you to succeed. Sending hugs!!!

[elvan]

You DO realize that after you make it through day 9 and move on to day 10 that you will officially be a member of the DOUBLE DIGIT CLUB.  Every milestone matters and should be celebrated.  You are doing GREAT.

Ellen

[TBenyi]

No that wasn't it. I hadn't read that post yet but it is a good one. I have been exactly there before.

[Giulia]

Well, whatever it was, if you come across it again you'll know to bookmark it!

[shashort]

I feel ya Db my husband wasn't very supportive. Well I didn't say anything to him about me quitting but I never smoked around him because he is so critical when it comes to smoking. But he knew I smoked.  It took him like 3 months and stil did not noticed and I had one of my emotional days and let it out on him.  We are here for you. Come here anytime we get it truely.  Congratulations on 9 days. Going on double digits tomorrow hurray.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Remember that you aren't quitting for him - you are quitting for YOU! And doing an incredible job! Congratulate yourself, spread the word and find friends (like us) to Congratulate you! Spouses are not your only source of support! 

Congratulations!

And Great Big Hugs!

[Barbscloud]

Deb, sorry I'm late.  Hope you're feeling better today.   The fact is, I quit in spite of my significant other.   There are times I thought about smoking as a reaction to him.  Then I remember something I heard once  "someone hurts me, so I beat myself up".   You're doing great and like everyone already said, you've quit for you.

Sending hugs

[Barb102]

Hi Deb. How are you doing today?  I was thinking about you and hoping you are doing well

sending more hugs your way

Barb

[princessdeb]

Barbscloud.   

Thank you Barb...that saying is so true! I am having a good day today.  I hit double digits and am so excited. Michael is over it  and I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  Finally the truth is out and now I can move forward without the guilt!  Thanks for the hug.  

Deborah 10 DOF 

[MarilynH]

Congratulations Deborah on your glorious entrance into the awesome DDC, YAY for each and every Day WON. 

[princessdeb]

Barb102 

Hi Barb...I am doing great today!  Everything is out in the open and good between us. I hit double digits today!  Thanks for checking on me♡  Hope your day is a good one!

Deb 10 DOF 

[princessdeb]

MarilynH 

YAAAAAAAAY! !  I can't believe I made it!  In 45 years I have never made it this long. I'm looking forward to each new day as my time smoke free adds up...

Deborah 10 DOF. ..Woo hoo! 

[maryfreecig]

Amen to that!

[Barb102]

I’m so glad things are better. What a difference a day makes. It’s true what they say. The truth shall set you free

Sent from my iPhone

[Giulia]

"Everything is out in the open and good between us."  

[princessdeb]

Kbloodless  yes I have pledged every morning since day one.  Thanks for caring♡ 

[RachelMB]

Deb-

So glad to hear you're doing better!  You got this!  xoxoxo

Rachel

[elvan]

You HAVE got this and THIS time, it's real and not fantasy.  It is going to get easier...

Hugs,

Ellen