I am very Sad today, and I am restarting my quit date.

[Cricket]

I finally blew it.  On Wednesday night around 8pm, I bought a pack of cigarettes:(  Like a criminal I waited for everyone to go to bed and then snuck outside, wrestling with my conscience the whole way.  I opened the pack, and smoked one of the cigarettes.  It was a strange combination of wonderful and gross.  (That's probably why I only smoked one)

I feel like a hypocrite. The second cigarette I smoked was the next morning when I was out on an errand, feeling sick and dishonest the whole time.  Then again last night I smoked one and this time I paid attention to my mind and my body trying hard figure out what I was doing and why.  One thing I noticed was when I exhaled the smoke kept coming out of my lungs, so exhaled harder and it kept coming......GROSS!!!!  I then remembered what my carbon monoxide levels were before I quit in the first place.  I can't claim a slip because I did it on purpose.  I felt sad and disappointed in myself and still do.  But I brought the pack to my husband  (all of them)  and told him what I had done.  He refused to distroy them,  He said this is entirely my decision.   So

I broke them up into a Walmart bag and went out to my studio to write this confession.  It was very hard to bust those cigarettes and I have yet to add water to the left overs!  I need to reset my quit date,  I haven't smoked any today yet, but I noticed that there were still a couple of good ones left in bag. . I am hearing on the ledge. 

..  I am sorry to let you all down.

Cricket 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

If you will use the patch and trust it.

You can decrease the dose as you choose.

getting you off the self dosing and smoking is the goal.

I would then suggest looking for two days in a row you forget to wear it that you might not need it any more.

then,

BAM

You're Quit

[JonesCarpeDiem]

she is addicted to both

[Cricket]

Okay 

[Cricket]

I had a huge change in routine this week that was quite stressful I don't feel like going into it but it's been a long week.

[Cricket]

I am quite finished with beating myself up over this.  Tomorrow is another day.  I have spent the whole day on this site  evaluating my mistakes.  I do know I want to quit smoking or I wouldn't be here.

I know I need to reduce and then elemenate my nicotine intake.

I know in order to do this, I need to have a good idea as to what my intake is.... (the 40mg was a crazy day, and not what I do normally.)  

So here are a few goals going forward:

1) I will show up for the daily pledge every morning before noon.

2) I will watch and and record my nicotine intake so I can figure out where I'm at.

3) I know once I get the nicotine out of my system I stand a better chance of enjoying my journey.  I HAVE learned much this last six months, I just made a bad choice not to act on what I know.....

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You have a plan. let us know how your nicotine intake situation is going. (you can do it privately if you want)

I'd like to know how that part is going. so perhaps I can kind of coach you through it and help you gather your thoughts as you go?

[Cricket]

Okay Dale, I will record my intake with the daily pledge. Also I am taking inventory on my NRT'S, I  will let you know what I have on hand to work with.

[Cricket]

Only 3 21mg patches

I have 9 14mg patches

AND 14 7mg patches 

And 63 pieces of gum.

[Cricket]

Is there a way do it privately? Can I private message on this site and if so how?

[Giulia]

To private message, simply hover over the person's avatar on any one of  their response and a pop up will enlarge their avatar and at the bottom you'll see "message" with a little envelope icon.  Click on that and it will open up a new window which will enable you to do so.  The other way to send PMs is to go directly to the person's page by clicking on their avatar, then on the upper right click on Actions and Send direct message.

When the next screen appears, ignore the outlined box that says Jane Doe.  The person's name should be right underneath it.  Just type the Subject if you want and then fill in the large box with your comment, then click on the red Send.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

ok

Without knowing how wildly your nicotine fluctuation was the past two weeks I'm going to suggest the following.

Since you only have 3 of the 21 mg patches, I'd say start with the 14's and when those are gone do the 7's.

If the first day on the 7's is too drastic, cut the 21's in half and you'll have 6 days of 10.5mg. If going from 14 to 7 isn't a huge shock, use the 7's until they're done.

Forget the gum for now

I'd like you to use that after you're done with the patches and I'll tell you why:

When you have used the 7's for two weeks, your body will have adjusted to that amount.

You shouldn't need that much of the gum at that point.

Save one of the 14mg patches to keep with you in your pocketbook as your security blanket.

Just knowing you have an alternative to smoking, planned for and set aside, can calm you. 

Don't be frantic, just flow with it.

The main thing is not to start popping gum just because you think of smoking.

That's the main focus. The patch can do the rest.

Trust it.

[Cricket]

Ty

[karenjones]

Cricket, I went first to the pledge page and saw you wrote 0 days of freedom and I thought "that must be a mistake', what is going on here? Then I came to the main page and saw your post and said 'oh , no.."  one of our communtiy has slipped and fallen.  Not to worry, we are here to help you up and help you on your way. Today is a new day. So sorry you are starting on day one again. I did that 4 or 5 times before i got on my 5 month streak. And I felt very depressed each time. Those dang cigarettes make us depressed and unhappy. Is that starting to dawn on you?  We've got your back. Stick close to the community for the next couple of weeks. cigarettes are gross and make you depressed. they are horrible. I guess you are like me, and learning the hard way. but you are learning, which is good. 

[Cricket]

Thank you for your love and support Karen.  I won't do it again!  (I'm a fast learner!)

[Never_again]

Thanks for this input. Was not aware of this. 

[Cricket]

Please be patient with me....I DID reset my quit date and it shows that I did in my quit plan, but it is still showing my febuary 10th quit date on my profile, I already tried logging out and signing back in but it did not change.  I just want you to know I'm trying.

[Cricket]

[CommunityAdmin]

Cricket‌ it's because you probably logged out on the My Quit Plan page and not the community. You have to use this link to log out from the community so the community will resync to your My Quit Plan page and pull in your new quit date.

Mark
EX Community Manager

[Cricket]

Got it thanks, I think it worked this time...

[CommunityAdmin]

Yup, appears so!

[virgomama]

It's a process cricket.  You'll get there.  I'm a 3 time quitter.  I snuck around smoking my partners cigarette butts the last time I started smoking (again).  So sweep off your guilt  and get back in the saddle.  You're not alone.

[BostonGirl]

Hi Cricket,

Don't beat yourself up, pick yourself up instead.  I have quit more times than I can count, but I keep trying because one of these times, I'll get it right (hopefully this time).  You didn't let us down, you fell, and we all know how that feels. Brush off and keep going.  If you get the chance, google "The Race" a poem by Dee Groberg.  It's long, but worth it.  Maybe print it out to keep referring to it.  In the meantime, forgive yourself, and carry on.  Congratulations on your new quit-date.

[Cricket]

Ty Bostongirl,  I have spent the week on the quiet side trying to heal physically and emotionally.  I am actively working with one of our ex members to get off the nicotine as I believe it had had some to do with my fall.  I appreciate your kindness and I will follow your advice.  I have written some "long" poems myself so I'm sure I will make it to the end!!

[Alicatsam]

I don't know the names or amounts, but the cigarettes I had been smoking for 25 years contain a lot more poisonous crap than the patch I am using, or the gum I chew during the more serious emergencies. I figure even if I end up hooked on the NRTs, I am still way better off than smoking all the different poisons in cigarettes. Not to mention poisoning everyone else with the 2nd hand smoke.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

you can use the patch and gum for life (an I'm not saying you will) but please understand that while a smoker, nicotine is what brings you back to smoking. The end game is to break the psychological addiction by allowing the time to let those memories fade away..

[elvan]

Alicatsam‌ Cricket wrote this blog nine months ago...she posted today and she is not smoking.  Just thought you might want to know that.  She creates the most realistic looking baby dolls that you can imagine.  

[angelsdontsmoke]

You are so awesome. Keep going, you got this. The guilt is a goooooood sign. You will conquer this... You can do it. Quit again, don’t ever stop quitting until you quit. You R at the door Sister, you will have strong Victory... Keep us posted. 

[virgomama]

Way to go!!!!!  Just jump back in to your quit.  

[Minimousesharon]

You did not let anyone down . I agree water those butts down. Put a smile on your face and start again. This my second time quitting. I also didn't know about this support group before. They have helped so much. I'm only on day 4. Starting to feel better then I did yesterday. You can do this. We are all here for you

[Giulia]

Just an FYI - this blog is a year and a half old.

[DonnaMarie]

I have felt like that criminal before. 

I'm so glad you've decided to quit again and not to keep going. Proud of you. Happy for you. 

Donna

Day 428

[Cricket]

I am still quit!!!!!

[Barbscloud]

That's great

Barb   

[Giulia]

People don't tend to check the dates of these blogs, so they miss the fact that it was written two year ago. 

[Barbscloud]

And 3 hours ago!  Update from Cricket.

[virgomama]

Glad to hear it Cricket‌.  You won't regret it.

[Cricket]

Real time, I still do not smoke! And I'm still taking the lozenges!  I am ashamed to this fact, but it is still better than smoking.  I am no closer to getting rid of them.

[Giulia]

"I am no closer to getting rid of them."  Why not?  Isn't it about time?

[Cricket]

I am quite certain it is past time!  However I have transferred my dependance from cigs to the lozenges:(

It is my only vice.  I dont really want to quit anymore.  I am just grateful that I dont smoke.  Good trade as the Indians would say!

[Barbscloud]

It's still much better than smoking.   I'm not using them anymore, but  I used nicotrol inhalers for this quit and my pulmonary doctor said he'd rather I used them indefinitely then smoked.  If you feel OK with it, that's whats important.   

Barb

[Giulia]

I'm grateful you don't smoke any more too, Cricket!

[Barb102]

Good for you Cricket. I knew you could do it!,,

[DonnaMarie]

My husband chewed gum (Nicorette) forever after he quit. He wasn't smoking. Yes, he had nicotine, but he wasn't vaping it or pumping it into his lungs. He did eventually gave up the gum when he was ready. He went to regular gum instead of nicotine gum. You may consider Hall's lozenges or something like that eventually.  I didn't use nicotine replacement, but I did use Hall's cough drops, cinnamon sticks, cinnamon toothpicks, and sugar free Altoids as needed. I keep that stuff in the car, but I don't use it as a smoking replacement anymore. 

You do what you can do. You quit smoking and for that, I applaud you in a big way. 

Donna

Day 458

[JonesCarpeDiem]

The nicotine on the gums reduces circulation in your gums and will ruin your teeth. Just saying. not criticism.