This is my third time on this site. I was on here off cigs for a good month the first time before I started smoking again. The second time I made it a couple of weeks, I guess. I am tired of making it through hell and then going back to smoking. I am mad about quitting, to be totally honest. I want to smoke. I don't really want to quit. I mean, I have a million reasons to quit, and I need to quit, and I don't want to die young, or lose my teeth, or hurt my heath, or my lungs or my baby's lungs, or I could go on and on but I wish I could still smoke with no side effects. But I can't. So I have to quit. And that makes me mad. I am totally addicted to all aspects of smoking. The habit, the drug, the time away from the real world for a little while. I have been practicing the becoming an ex program, going without cigs when I wanted them, getting ready to quit, but it hasn't changed my anger at having to quit. Anyone else that way? Anyway, It doesn't matter, cause I quit today. And I am not going through this again. Ever. I am quitting forever. Not maybe or probably. I am never going to smoke again, as mad as that makes me. I have a little girl that needs me and I am not going to hurt her because I am selfish and want to die from cigarettes. That is stupid. I can make it, I have done it a dozen times before, and when she was born until she was almost two I quit. I was just stupid and let myself start again. But I am done now. Forever. I can't do this anymore. I guess I am just trying to convince myself of this, right?? -Jess
