Two months ago I decided I was going to quit smoking one way or another, I was going to do it.
I lost my mom to Cancer when I was just a young mom myself. I survived that. but I kept smoking....
I lost my husband and children a few years later. I turned to drugs to help me through that. It seemed to help for awhile... it took the pain away for hours at a time sometimes. Until one day I woke up and did not recognize the face looking back at me in the mirror. That was SCARY.
I quit the drugs. I survived that..but I kept smoking.. also I learned how to deal with the pain ... I can "switch the channel" to a different chapter of Happy memories :).. and I keep smoking....
I was in a relationship with a special person and life was starting to look good I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and had Chemotherapy treatments in 2004. I survived that....and kept smoking .....
My special person who would have been my new husband in August 2008 died of stage 4 Cancer on Mother's Day of 2008. I survived that........ and kept smoking
I was heading towards my 58th birthday in December (two months ago). I saw that stranger in the mirror again.. but this time the reflection made me feel like we had met somewhere.. odd familiarity.... I thought back to my younger days.... 7th grade Valentine's Day Party at a girlfriends house. My first cigarette. I was 12 years old . I want to cry thinking about that day! A pack of cigarettes cost 32 cents. I think 46 years of smoking those nasty dirty smelly things is plenty long enough. I decided to take my $35.00 each week (the cost of my generic cigarettes here in Florida) and put it in an empty Jif jar with a sticker "WHAT NOW FUND" because that is how I felt when i decided to QUIT. "WHAT NOW?"
What now... what do I do after I eat my meal? Can I actually drive a car without cigarettes? Coffee without cigarettes? WHAT NOW?? lol I was Lost!!
I can say I am lucky because I needed to gain a little weight and for me that's about as easy as trying to lose weight during the holidays for some...I've put on a few, and a few more than I really needed to, but I QUIT!
I eat a lot of hard candy. When I get an urge, I picture that stranger in the mirror and tell it to STOP! She's messing with my head... The urge goes away and I look over at that jar .... getting fuller by the week:) Give myself a pat on the back and a big thumbs up:)
Things stink to me now... My pillow had to be replaced.... LOL I probably never EVER would have parted with my old pillow.... I just couldn't stand the smell of it after i QUIT.
My closet had to be torn apart and things sent to the dry cleaner, and re laundered.... Somehow all of my clothes still had nicotine stench. I smoked outside my home, not inside. I don't know how my closet could have such a disgusting odor.
Amazingly, I have not had the urge except on days 4 and 5 to buy a pack of cigarettes. Days 4 and 5 were the absolute hardest for me so far. I didn't even get out of my PJ's those two days. I 'm glad I didn't because I believe I would have been starting over...
I don't see myself going back to smoking. The Jif Jar is looking too good:) It's been two months and all the urges and cravings that I fought off would be for nothing if I light up now. I will have to forfeit that savings to buy cigarettes....No, No, No! I am ready to Face that Stranger in the Mirror and give her my best Shot! I QUIT! I AM a QUITTER and I love it!
