I'm so thrilled and proud to be past three weeks. When I relapsed a few months ago I couldn't believe I'd done that to myself again, and when I went back to whyquit.com to learn about the impact of what I'd done I was horrified to hear "You may never have the strength or mindset to quit again before you are diagnosed with one of the many smoking related illnesses.." or something like that. I kept trying to quit again right away and failed and failed and failed, sometimes after a few days (made it for a week once), and sometimes within a few hours. I get the odd urge, but not a real temptation, more like that nasty little voice that doesn't even speak in words, it's just a subtle feeling that says "Now would be a great time for a smoke" and I have no idea why. I brush it off, tell it no, and instantly feel liberated. I know part of the reason for the finality of this quit is the motivation of Joel's words on whyquit.com, part of it is my sheer determination NOT to keep saying I'm quitting and never actually doing it, and part of it is the group of friends I've made on this site. Not only have you all helped me quit smoking with your concern, suggestions, support and contact, but I've found people who can help me with my teenage daughter's behavior issues, people who are into working out, cycling, and sports, people who love good music, people who are funny and strong and going through the same things as I am and more. It's like opening the mailbox every day to find it stuffed full of personal letters from friends in far away places when I open my email and see " ________ sent you a message" or "_______ commented on your page". I feel loved, accepted, valued - all great feelings to counteract some of the negative ones that creep in sometimes and can sabotage a perfectly good quit. So thank you becomeanEx.org, and thank you to my new group of awesome friends. I've told the people in my life about this, and encouraged them to check it out. More and more of my smoking friends are starting to say "Yeah, I should quit." which is a beginning. One girl I never thought would even consider it has cut down to three a day and is going to try cold turkey soon. Another woman I work with who has a lot of stress in her life but wants to quit so badly went and got a prescription for Wellbutrin and has set her quit date now. A couple of weeks ago she said she wasn't even going to try to quit over the summer. But they see me doing it, and they know how hard it was to really stop and get a few days back to back, but I did and now I've on my way to living a smoke free life forever. To relapse now would be a choice, not the addiction. I have no true desire to smoke, not consciously, not in the front of my mind. The only thing left is memory, which I will always have to remain vigilant of, because as useful and wonderful as a memory is, memories can be liars. (Ever go back to a dysfunctional relationship because all you remember are the "good times"?) I really wish they would stop using cigarettes as props in movies, that's the only time it looks "good" to smoke, partly because I can't smell it. So I'm into my fourth week now and feeling great. I'm having some pampering over the next few days, going for a hair cut, and then to the vein clinic to see about zapping my spider veins away, and then to the spa for a brazilian wax! woohoo! Today and tomorrow are my days off this week, so I'm off to the gym in an hour or so, and that's going well too. I'm starting to glow, and I am starting to reach my cardio goals, because I CAN BREATHE!
