Hoping husband will quit too--Any magic tricks to make this happen?

[xsaffron]

To preface this: It doesn't make me want to smoke when he smokes. I have quit long enough (even with smoking the occassional relapse cig here and there) to be ok with that. It's quite the contrary, when he smokes it saddens me and he stinks when he comes in the house. He said he would think about it. I know that is the best I can ask for right now. I just hope he really is thinking about it. Are there any suggestions to get spouses on board? I am hoping he will join me on this journey. I feel like I am remembering me again. It's as though I have been lost for a while and I am now here my mind is new again. It is actually a pretty cool thing to be experiencing.  

[Eric_L.]

I'd get your sealegs first before trying to fix family members.  Shaming and nagging might spoil a really great opportunity to present hope to him down the road.  I try to keep my side of the street clean (sometimes better than others).  I really made an effort this time when quitting to make it about me.  She smoked when I met her etc etc.  Me too.  Beware of ultimatums and setting boundries without consulting others here.  I've found that prevents me from having to eat crow, when I listen to my own advice.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

is he even remotely interested?

If not, be an example.

my page may help you compartmentalize the journey and get you through the most critical time.

[YoungAtHeart]

You might get a copy of Allen Carr;s "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking."  It didn't make it easy for me - but it did have me thinking about quitting in a whole new light.

I would talk up the improvements in your life as you see them along the way.  The reduction in stress, the $$$ in your pocket, return of senses of taste and smell, the extra time in your day, the peace of mind not having to continually negotiate with yourself about the next fix, the freedom of being able to go anywhere, anytime, without being fidgety for your next cigarette, no cough at the end of every good laugh....and I am sure you will notice others if you pay attention.

If you remember, nagging is not effective, nor is telling him they are bad for him --- he, like us, already knows that!!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Nancy

[xsaffron]

Yes to all these. I have never shamed or nagged him. I've only asked if he wants to quit also. I'm definitely getting my sea legs still, but each day without a cigarette makes me more confident and happy. I am focusing on me, and it feels good to be selfish! I am hoping that he sees the changes and wants what he sees, is this crazy to think?

[tjanddj]

Oh no not crazy to think. There is always hope. My husband still smokes, he already knows all the cons of smoking, has COPD because of smoking but he doesn't want to quit even with all the suffering he goes through. But I always have hope, I will never nag, I will pray and I will hope. We can be a good example and that I will be and I know you will be too. Maybe someday, right?

[JACKIE1-25-15]

It would be nice if your husband would join in with you on your journey, until he is ready there is nothing you can do.  Be an example without the occassional relaspe cigarette or two. Best wishes for your continued success.   

[Kimshine]

Just be a shining example!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

The more you enjoy your Quit Journey the more likely he'll become intrigued. Example is the only way! Then ifhe asks, answer his questions - but not until he asks!

[Giulia]

Nagging will get you nowhere - except disliked.  Guilt might work though.  Buy him a pack of NRT gum or the patch or the inhaler.  Just drop it on the kitchen counter and say - if you ever decide you wanna give this a go - here's something that might help.  Then never mention it again.  I'll bet it will HAUNT him big time!  My guess is the addiction is haunting him already.  He KNOWS he shouldn't smoke.  He KNOWS what smoking is doing to him.  He doesn't want to quit, but he knows he oughtta.  Spending hard-earned money on something like that might just be the incentive to push him into trying.

But really? No.  There isn't a darn thing you can do to plead, cajole, demand, threaten, badger or love into it, that will encourage someone to quit. They have to get there on their terms when they're ready.  Most of us know smoking isn't good for us.  Most of us know that we are harming ourselves by continuing to do so.  Until we have reached whatever that personal spurring point is that enables us to change, we will remain slaves to our addictions.  But your quiet example is an everyday reminder to the best part of them that wants to have what you do - freedom.  Stay the course.

[jlmh67456]

ahhhhh, i'm a newbie here and this is my first post so bear with me.....this is one of my excuses for continuing to smoke.  he does, i think i even somehow in a very messed up way (this isn't my first rodeo of quitting - i quit for 17 years, a couple of years, then almost 1 year but always found my way back to the damn cigarette) i thought maybe if i smoked more and he saw what it was doing to me that he would care enough about me and him to try to quit.  nope, all that happened was i felt like crap.  so all the guilt, bitching, providing all the great reasons to quit - he chooses not to.  even this time around i was starting to get pissy because i have heard zero words of encouragement or praise for my newly quit status.  what am i really expecting?  are you kidding me?  he IS happy for me i know - but me quitting i believe scares the hell out of him because he KNOWS.  i don't need to give him a single reason he should quit, he KNOWS.  but until he decides and i have to accept that may be never, i must concentrate on me right now.  i'm tired of being depressed, paralyzed and accomplishing nothing in my life except slowly killing myself sitting around, smoking and watching time clip on by.  it's been a shitty year but it's amazing - once i asked my doc for help (wellbutrin - i've never used anything to quit before, always cold turkey) i'm quite happy to discover this is making it much easier and i know i will be successful.  i'm getting some personal things done because i'm motivated right now and am finding all this extra time i have because i'm not smoking (about 7 minutes x 20+ cigarettes a day = over 2 hours of extra time in the day!) so the depression is lifting, i'm feeling better and already breathing better.   i have to let his choice go......  he's not smoking because of me, IF he chooses to quit it can't be for me anyway. so i'll continue the journey for me, my kids and grandkids - if he hops on board i'll be very happy - but if he doesn't, it's his choice and i must let it go.