Help???

[carrif]

MY HUSBAND IS A SMOKER WITH NO REAL THOUGHT OF QUITTING WHICH IS HIS CHOICE.  THE ONLY PROBLEM, HE SMOKES IN OUR BEDROOM AT NIGHT AND AROUND ME MOST OF THE TIME.  I AM AFFRAID TO SAY, IM SURE IT WOULD ENSUE A RIOT IF I WERE TO ASK HIM NOT TO....ANY SUGGESTIONS ON GETTING PAST THIS HUGE TRIGGER??  I DON'T WANT TO BE THE WIFE THAT NAGS HER HUSBAND ALL BECAUSE I QUIT.  I WANT HIM TO QUIT BECAUSE HE WANTS TOO, NOT BECAUSE I MAKE HIM FEEL BAD.  JUST SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING AROUND IT AND NOT GIVING IN WOULD BE GREAT 🙂 THANKS ALL

[Ex_Nancy]

Have a calm, rational discussion on smoking cessation and especially, second hand smoking...I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you with the carcinogens,tars, and toxins...(i'll also include the letter to a loved one, which you will need...) He just will NOT be permitted to smoke inside.  

[Ex_Nancy]

Here is the letter to give to him. Make sure you both understand it and don't worry so much!   Remember to treat this as the addiction that it is...AND continue your reading on nicotine addiction...Dear______,

I am about to try and change my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking. I just wanted to write this letter to you so you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks, since the process of withdrawal can be very challenging for me, and for those around me. (Most people do not realize it, but nicotine addiction is literally one of the hardest drugs to kick, even harder than heroin).

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently, but in general, during the first two weeks (Hell Week and Heck Week), don't expect much from me. I will most likely not be my normal self. All of my attention will literally be taken up with fighting the physical and mental urges to smoke. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may say very hurtful things to you, but I want you to know that this is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and let it roll off your back.

You need to know that when a smoker quits, the body and the mind will try almost anything to trick the user into taking another puff. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time". I may question the worth of my existence. I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like the pain I am experiencing is all your fault.

But be aware that I am doing this for ME, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. So you must not feel responsible for my discomfort and depression. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's OK to smoke, just to stop the pain. You have to be strong when I am weak, so do not agree with any "junkie thinking" I may come up with.

Here are 10 things you CAN do to help:

· Be there when I need a hug, but don't be hurt when I push you away.

· If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near no matter what the nicotine says.

· Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.

· Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.

· Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more "normal" you act, the faster I will get there.

· Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for awhile.

· Consciously avoid letting me get into stressful situations...if something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.

· Help me avoid "trigger" situations...places or activities where I usually light up. (For example, don't plan long road trips for the next couple of weeks if I usually smoke in the car).

· Just keep telling me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will fade, that you love me, and that this effort is worth it.

· Tell me I am strong. Tell me you are proud of me. But also, tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I just wanted to prepare you because the first two weeks are usually the worst, but be aware that it doesn't suddenly get better...it will be a gradual process. Also, please be aware that while I am doing this quit for me, you and those around me will benefit as well. I will be free from the shackles of needing to know where the closest cigarette store is. I will be free of the smell and stains. I will be free of an early death. And I will be free to spend more quality time with those I love.

Thank you in advance for being strong enough to love me, and help me through this.

Love, _______

 

[TheNewMe_Jo]

Ewww smoking in the bedroom !! Well, tell him no more cookie until he quits smoking in the bedroom.. second hand smoke kills also. He isn't just putting his own health at risk, but yours as well. He needs to smoke outside.

I have several friends who have raised their eye brows at me for sayin, no smoking at my house... period!

Why? Cause one girl put her butt out in my flower pot and it caught fire, it was only by the grace of God did I notice. It burned the flower down to the roots and the soil was still burning, hours later. If I hadn't gone outside that night, my deck could have caught fire, then my house. She was smoking outside and did this.

Another time someone put a butt out on my front porch, they leave butts. I don't want that around me or my house. I also have copd and can not come in contact with 2nd hand or 3rd hand or no hand smoke. I protect my health and I will do that however I have to. I'm not mean about it, that's just the rule.. I actually SMILE when I say it...

He's your man, get through to him, ask him nicely, its YOUR life!

[Ex_Nancy]

And you have 6 children! No smoking inside of your house!

[coug]

Ok carrif I also have a husbnd who smokes and will never quit so this is how we do it. He smokes in a backroom of the house ONLY. He respects that. I have the whole house. I set up candle warmes..one in his little room and a few in my side of the house. Thank god he works or I would have cracked along time ago.

         Put your foot down your quit depends on it!69 days smoke free. So he needs to respect your quit.

[Kathryn16]

My friend quit and her husband did not(but we are working on it!) They have an agreement that he is only allowed to smoke in one room of the house and never upstairs or in the bedroom. That should be off limits just for the fire hazard, let alone smelling that crap all night.

[jojo29]

hi carrif. well my husband is also a smoker & i dont see him quitting anytime soon,but when i quit, he respected me to not smoke around me, as far as the bedroom goes we never really smoked in there, kitchen was our smoking place dinning rm, then i got stage 4 copd and he decided to go way out the door ,like in his car haha.

so dont ask ya husband to quit,na, that wont work, but just say, untill i get over all this do u think u could smoke some place eles 🙂 whatever u do, dont make that ur uppity excuse to smoke,if u think like that u will, or sleep in another room, couch with one of ur kids, or no nookie for u honey :))))))

[brookeanne]

The letter Nancy posted is a great idea. I agree with Nancy. You have kids in the house, that should be your frist concern. I have a 4 year old and I never smoked in the house for that reason alone. Second hand smoke is just as bad! Lay down the law, its your  house too. 

He doesn't have to quit with you, just respect yours. 

[BobbyMaynard]

Second Hand Smoke, Not Good.

[lois13]

ok out side he goes, before i quit, i had been smoking out side for way over 10 years, my hubby has copd, but i did not want my house  to smell, but i never smoke in the bed room, good luck, and think of the kids,

[mary-lou]

your husband needs to be considerate of you.my husband still smokes but he doesn't do it in front of me we never smoked in the house. maybe you can sleep in another room until he stops.  I love Nancy's letter you might try that, Good luck

[JonesCarpeDiem]

dies gusting

[maggie_8-1-2010]

This is a hard one. I know from first hand experience during a prior attempt to quit. That time I actually made it to almost a year and then I caved because I was - well simply put, weak. My husband never did smoke outside and made it a point to actually blow the smoke in my face, give me cigarettes (leave them on the nightstand) and even resorted to going on "dates" with me to lounges with booze and lots of cigarette smokers. He never did grow up and needless to say I ended up divorcing him for other issues. 

Wehn I think back tho I still get angrey at him and myself. I didn't stand up for myself enough. Quitting often comes with an improved sense of empowerment. I'm praying for your strength to get him to understand why this is so imporant to you..and eveyone else in the house for that matter.

You are stronger than you think...take charge!