Hello! Anybody been here?

[nicolelineah]

Hello all!

I live in beautiful Coloraado. I am a mother of 4 boys 17, 15, 4, 2. Teenagers and Toddlers whew! I am a disabled fused glass "starving" artist. I am going through a difficult divorce with their dad. He left me for his "true love" in December, An alcoholic girl who doesn't really have time for him anymore. Needless to say I am stuck with all this grief and the stress of pulling my life together after almost 18 years of being a SAHM. I am struggling to get my business on it's feet, to help us all heal, and to try and make healthier choices by quitting. I am not quite sure if this is the right time though...

Would love to hear from you!

Nicole

[JonesCarpeDiem]

At least it's beautiful where you live.

You have a lot on your plate for sure.

Life is going to knock us down sometimes.

The secret is getting back up.

I left you a link on your page and the invitation to read my page.

It is about as complete and clear as I can make it after nearly 9 years as an ex smoker.

I wish you willingness because fighting yourself only leads to failure.

[djmurray]

Hi, Nicole -- Welcome to EX -- sorry to hear about your difficult issues, and while stress is at a high point for you right now, and your plate is really full, quitting smoking may be the very best gift you can give to yourself right now.

The first and very best thing you can do is educate yourself about this addiction.  The first thing I suggest you do is to read Allen Carr's book The Easy Way to Quit Smoking.  Here's the link to the free, online PDF of the book --

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf.  You can also watch a condensed version of Carr’s book on YouTube of Allen Carr discussing how to quit smoking:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDJo1vfEqlo .   I smoked heavily for over 50 years and reading that book completely changed how I looked at smoking and what it is and is NOT.  The basic premise is that no smoker actually enjoys smoking and all we're doing is satisfying the crave we created when we smoked the last one.  Therefore, quitting smoking is giving up NOTHING.  Every other time I quit I felt deprived, like I was foregoing something of value.  But it's not true -- there is no value to smoking.  Boy, has that understanding made a difference! I am at Day 217 of my quit and I know that I will never smoke another cigarette.  

Also, read everything you can find here and at sites like whyquit.com (which has a ton of really good information).  Come here regularly and read the blogs, see what people are experiencing at every stage of their quit.  We have people here who are planning to quit just like you are to people who've been quit for over 10 years and come back to reach out to the new people.  Comment on the blogs -- you will find that when you do it benefits you as well.  Write your own blog about how you're feeling about your quit.

The bottom line is that a successful quit is based on education, attitude, acceptance and determination.  Education:  Once you've learned the truth about this addiction it's much harder (for me impossible) to go back to smoking.  Rather, it helps us unlearn the connections we had with smoking.  Attitude:  Your attitude or mindset is key to whether your quit feels like torture or feels like something very doable.  If you feel deprived, if you feel sorry for yourself and just use willpower to get through not smoking, it will be torture (and you'll read more about that in the Carr book).  But if you have that attitude that smoking is nothing and you are willing to go through the discomfort that is generally associated with quitting, then you can be a happy quitter.  I am definitely a happy quitter!  Acceptance: If you can accept that you will have craves early in your quit and sometimes later in your quit than you would imagine, and don't fight them but observe them and say "Yeah, I don't do that anymore" and find something else to do you won't have as many craves.  It's true. Determination:  This is tied up with the willingness I mentioned.  You have an addict's brain, just like the rest of us.  Your addict's brain will whisper to you, scream at you and plead with you to come back.  There will be times when you find yourself thinking "oh, what could it hurt to have just one."  That's your addiict brain trying to entice you.  Determination is your ability to say NOPE -- Not One Puff Ever.  

So welcome to EX -- we're a wonderfully supportive group who've been there done that or are being there doing that right now.   There's no better resource than a good support group to get through the initial discomfort of quitting.

You can do this!

[Eric_L.]

Hi!  Not ever day is peaches for me, for sure.  I was a jerk yesterday and have remorse today.  But, bookending my days in the blogs here for a few months has changed the way I respond to things, generally.  I never thought that I could go several months wo smoking.

You can do this.

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Hey Nicole,

I feel your hurt ...

I chose an equally painful/stressful time to declare myself smoke-free: the date of the decree of the dissolution of my marriage.  It seems contrary to reason to pick so stressful a time to quit, but there is some method to my madness.  With everything else seeming beyond my ability to control, quitting smoking is something that I can control.  And no, that doesn't make it easy nor does it make it any less uncomfortable, but it does make it mine.  Perhaps it's akin to the cutters or anorexics who self-impose discomfort in order to accomplish a sense of control.  Quitting smoking is my pain, but unlike cutters or anorexics who impose unhealthy pain by depriving themselves of well being or nourishment, I am depriving myslef of an addiction that steals from my well being.

Short term, I take back a little control of my life.  Long term, I live a healthier, hopefully longer, life.

I'm only on day 16, and yes, it's hard, but I'm doing my best to use the pain to grow stronger and better.  You can too.

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to our community!

My husband left me with a four and six year old for a Russian-born mathematician and competitition ballroom dancer (I could NOT make this up!!!).  They made each other miserable for years - so there is that...."-)

I read between the lines that you want to start your new life as a healthier person - and this IS the best thing you can do toward that goal.  Life is always going to happen - it's how you respond that tells the tale.  You CAN control if you smoke or not - and the sense of accomplishment you will feel at your success is AWESOME!

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I also highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking” linked for you above

As well, read the sections on this site, and read the blogs, responses and pages of folks you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com and quitsmokingonline.com for the good information contained there. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested on this site

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around your head alone.  Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[TerrieQuit]

Nichole, Welcome! You have made a great choice to quit smoking! Have you set your quit date yet? Follow the above advice and reccomended reading,blog and comment and stay close to this site! You can do this!

Terrie  71  DOF

[nicolelineah]

Thank you to djmurray for suggesting Allan Carr's Book! I smoked my last cigarette at 7pm last night, 10 days before my quit date, realizing the whole time that I was putting a deadly drug into my body. I couldn't even finish it, it was that unpleasant! I am feeling sure that I will never smoke again, thankful that I see the light, and I am slowly starting to take in the reality that I am now a non smoker. Everything I hated about smoking can be gone from my life. The brainwashing is gone! No more bad breath, cruddy teeth, smelly clothes, hair and hands. I feel miserable when I think that I knew somewhere in the back of my mind these truths all along. I just know I need to read his book for kids to keep my teenagers from smoking! Thanks all! This site is a wonderful resource!