Today, I feel weapy. Today morning comes to slowly. Today it has been to long since I heard that voice on the telephone, felt that hand in mine, felt delight shine in the eyes of another. Maybe becoming an ex is not the best choice for my needs in all ways.
Just the breathing one. Sure, we know that this divorse is the right way to live. That there is more happiness to be found after the brain heals, and the lung capacity restores, and the heart is beating healthfully again. Change is never easy. I am lucky that I lived in that euphoria for the whole five days in a row. It made those days easier on me. Today is weighing in heavey with emotion, tears, fealing. I feel lonily. I feel jilted and that I have failed...which I have not. I have done the right thing. Been determined, wanted to AND I DID IT ! I am one day further down that road. Standing tall. Only I do not want to be "an ex". I never wanted to be the ex. I want what belongs to me fully. Not to be defined by some really bad relationship. Not to be known by what I once did, don't do, where in a very big way I failed. The idea of being and ex....it feels to personal somehow, to defined by negative association. I am a free air breather...not some former miss company smoke stack.
