I woke up this morning, did my normal routine, sat with my coffee, checked messages on my phone, etc.... About an hour later I suddenly realized, "I haven't smoked yet!?", so I shook my head at this realization, this being the fist time in 16yrs not to smoke almost while rising out of bed, and preceded to light and smoke a cigarette. One puff, two puff, three pu.... What the hell??!! YUCK!!! My cigarette tastes like burnt electric wires!! I stare at it a good long while trying to decide what to do and process how I actually feel about this. The smell got to me so I put out the nasty thing and sat the ash tray far away. 3 hrs later I thought I may have just been crazy earlier and so I would try again. Not out of an actual withdraw need but more of a curiosity/habitual need. This time was worse! I couldn't put it out fast enough! I half crushed the damn thing!! After that I was done. No more. I thought perhaps I should use the patches the doctor gave me. My husband and I talked about it and decided to wait and see how I do. It is now 8pm. This all began at 4am. I have not tried another cigarette all day. At times that I thought I "needed" one I simply reminded myself of this mornings horrible experience and distracted myself in something else. This being one of those times. Lol. If you knew me at all you would understand that just yesterday I smoked 20 cigarettes and if someone would have tried to simply distract me I would have laughed them off thinking it impossible.
So, this is today. I haven't smoked a whole cigarette all day. I tried, but failed. Tomorrow is another day. I am determined to see this through. I never thought I could make it one day without a cigarette. Now two doesn't seem so bad. And three, four, a week, a month. If this girl can make it a day. Then I can make it a lifetime!
