Had a half-cig to remind me how gross it is. Bad?

[dan23]

Yep, I flubbed. My girlfriend was cooped up at my apartment all weekend, sick as a dog, and of course I took care of my sugardumplinghoneymuffin, but this was also the first weekend I would have had to myself in a long time. Ya know, some me-time. My me-time is absolutely essential to maintaining my chill, and ergo essential to keeping away from the shmokey-shmokes.

So when I got a break to take a run to Target (pronounced Tarjay, of course), I pulled out the leftover pack in my trunk and took a couple of puffs.

See, even in previous quit times, I've occasionally taken one out during a craving to remind myself of how bad it makes me feel. After having quit for a while, when I have a smoke, my throat gets ucky and my mouth gets dry and the taste is just plain awful. And it honestly does help. It reminds me how gross it is, how much it makes me feel like crap, physically. And I can't even finish it and I toss it away, ready to stay away from it for even longer.

So, what, do I reset my counter? Have I gone back to zero? I don't think so because it doesn't set me back-- it makes me want to have one even less. I really really just did not like it.

What's the consensus on this? Anyone else ever have a couple of puffs when their lungs are clear to remind the body and mind of the grossness?

(And if you're wondering why I have a pack in my trunk-- I went to the Virgin Mobile Music Festival this month, and easy beer money comes from those poor souls who offer a dollar for a smoke.)

[lynn5]

Hilarious!

[dan23]

If you were once addicted to eyeball pain, that wouldn't be so far-fetched.

[dan23]

Good for you.

Allow me to refer you here.

[donna22]

I took a few puffs a couple of weeks into my quit...I chose not to reset my counter, it's all in a blog, I don't know if it was right or wrong but I knew I wasn't going to keep smoking and I just couldn't face starting at 0...you do whatever is right for you, but hopefully you don't keep on doing it because what if they start to taste better to you?

[barbara42]

HI DAN,
I am afraid to take a puff, I am afraid that I would like it so I do not. You do what ever you think is best for you, you seem like a strong person, so that just might be the way to show the nicodemon up, just be careful and know that you have the right to be you. PEACE!

[les]

Sounds like you need some advice from the "Poking not Smoking" group. The problem was not taking the couple of puffs, but not being able to have sex since Sugardumplinhoneymuffin was ill all weekend. You may need to start a "master of your domain" group for times like these.

[polly2]

Dan that's your decision, but be careful about that...I know there is no such thing as one single puff for me...It would more than likely put me back to square one. I'm happy that it didn't you, but keep in mind that if you keep cigarettes around, that it will be easier to smoke. Hang in there and I hope that was enough to keep you from smoking ever again!!

[lynn5]

Like Carol said, it's not a contest, if that's all you needed to reaffirm your reason for quitting then good for you. You probably could throw out the trunk cigarettes though since you're not at a music festival. They can become very tempting as I can attes tto first hand!!! I started to think about my trunk way more than any trunk deserves thinking about!

[Giulia]

Bad? You're begging for the kind of answers you hate, boyo. And I ain't gonna give it to you. That stupid I'm not.

Listen to Les.

For me, no, one puff'll turn me back into a chimey. But my philosophy is - whatever works.

My vote: Turn back the quit-0-meter If you're still puffing, you ain't quit. But you ARE funny. Ya gotta be to hang out with lawyers 'cause they are NUTS. I've played legal secretary and I know.

Keep playing. You may end up a winner yet.

[jennie3]

Reset or not to reset is that the question? Lol That part does not matter a bit too me.You quit for health and medical right? I just want you to stay healthy please do not go jumping off the wagon you are far too good for that buddy

[candice-smith]

to err is human and we are all that- learn from your mistake , get rid of the rest of the pack so the temptation is no longer there. to me it was a slip not a relapse so i wouldn't reset my quit meter. protect that quit

[zeke]

Everytime i have ever started back was taking that one drag to remind myself how crappy it was! the truth is nicotine gives the body a rush and while it may be crappy tasting and smelling the old brain is going, "Damn that rush has been so sorely missed lets remind ourselves how bad this was, just ONE MO TIME!

I dont know about resetting that counter thing because i never used one. I am my own counter and all my victories are selfishly for ME when it comes to quitting smoking. I know better than to depend on others for validation. Surefire recipe for disaster in my book!

Your a very witty guy and I wish you the best and personally dont care if you reset the counter or add a few years to it. It is only worth what it means to you.

[debbie53]

You will learn that you can be your own worst enemy Sunshine!
For some reason, an ostrich comes to mind!
Have a great evening!
Me

[nicole8]

Hi Dan,

Just remember, we are all here cause we have an addiction to nicotine which is the most powerful drug in the world. If you had a friend recovering from a heroin addiction, and they said they went to their trunk and had just 1/2 a fix to confirm how much they didn't want it, how would you look at that?

Also... you said "even in previous quit times" that you would take a puff here or there to remind you how yucky they are. Doesn't that tell you something. Obviously that's what made those past attempts at quitting no good.

I'm not trying to be an ass, but sometimes someone from the outside can see just how illogical something is. This is your addiction trying to make excuses to get your fix. This is how relapses happen! Don't do it!

[dan23]

I guess I wasn't truly asking about the quit-meter on the website, per se. More like my internal one.

But lilacmoonflower is right. I didn't just quit because cigarettes were taking years off the end of my life, but because they were making me ill in the here-and-now. More and more studies are showing that my Crohn's disease (chronic autoimmune stomach thingie) is kicked off by habitual smoking. Not necessarily individual smokes, but research is still ongoing. And I had a nasty flare-up last month which I hope to be the last for a long long time, ergo my resolute quitness.

So I'm increasingly unlikely to pick it up again for good, because it'll contribute to putting me back in the hospital on IV fluids and morphine with enough training-nurse-administered holes in my arms to be mistaken for a junkie. I'm generally here for emotional support and for advice on dealing with the Godzillaesque withdrawal symptoms.

I guess I was just wondering whether anyone else, post-quit date, has taken a puff or two to find that it's such friggin' nastiness that it actually helps them to push further. Because to be perfectly honest, it grossed the hell out of me enough to remove much of the psychological longing for that taste, that feeling of the warm smoke going down my throat into my lungs, etc. Which has previously been a recurring wet dream for me.

But thank you all for the encouragement and the sage advice that I should probably not make a habit of saying "Meh, what's one more bullet in the gun before I play Russian Roulette?"

Luck, rest, and nicotine-free dreams to you all.

[hwc]

Research shows that 95% of quitters who relapse as you just did end up smoking their full amount again. It's only a matter of time.

In my opinion, you all but guaranteed failure in your quit by keeping an emergency stash of cigarettes. You either didn't really want to quit or didn't believe you would be able to handle quitting.

Gotta throw those cigarettes away, folks -- if you are serious about quitting.

[allison12]

I think the thing I liked most about this site is that it provides autonomy and will still encourage you! Hopefully, sugardumplinghoneymuffin feels better and will help you occupy your time...:) Bueno suerte!