I've started from square one even though my quit was threatened by a lapse in quitting .That's how devastating "just one" is to a long quit . I don't have to restart because I've not relapsed , but have chosen to for me .. not others , me .
Being a member on Ex I feel better doing that mainly for sake of argument and judgement although outside of Ex I still am looking very much forward to celebrating eleven years quit on July 1 .
I have heard it said that one puff always leads to relapse . I both agree and disagree with that . I believe "one " can be the one that is the last cigarette . We can look forward to many good years smoke free ahead or ... just one may be the one you give up trying to quit forever . One can give you hope or take it away . I think it depends on the person and relapse is not always the case.
I know of at at least three people who have gone on after giving away long term quits and now have 14 and twenty one years quit . The third I don't know .
I promised myself to be honest and transparent with my quit not only for myself but so others reading would see the whole truth about this addiction from my experience although not all quits are the same . It was also part of my healing in other areas of my life .
For me , I've not given away my quit . For you, please give me any number of days you want . Day one , or 11 years or eleven years minus one day quit , but whatever you choose do it in order to keep your quit not judge me . We all need to remember including me that we don't know what's behind closed doors . I pretended for years to be living a happy life when in fact I was abused nearly all my childhood , so trust me it wasn't happy . I'm still learning what true happiness is . It's hard for me . I still very much go back to my old tapes
I am still learning every single day how to not live in fear and distrust . Not sure I'll ever get through this and looking for new options . I've lately heard of a surgery for those with PTSD who through counselling are not having success .
Thanks for letting me journal my thoughts and feelings .
I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone here in any way . It's not intended to do so .
