Frustration

[rinabaybee0818]

I quit for two days then started again because when I'm triggered examples me and my boyfriend get into an argument, or with my mom or after I'm done eating I hate the simple fact that I'm trying to kick this bad habbit my boyfriend talks down on me for it it breaks my heart I wish he would be more understanding my family hates that I smoke as well but still are very supportive and understanding but my boyfriend I guess I can understand because his uncle passed away from cancer but for him to smoke a cigarette then put me down when I smoke is crazy he just quit as well and is now putting me down about smoking saying he doesn't want to be with a person that smokes it freaking hurts the fuck out of me and when I ask him to be more supportive and understanding he says no and says he don't get why I can't just quit he's actually one of my triggers to smoke I've been smoking since I was 13 I wish it was that easy to just stop I ask God to help me quit as well at the end of the day I know I need to quit 

[indingrl]

to YOU for choosing YOUR OWN PERSONAL NON SMOKER LIFE -  just for YOU- WAY TO GO 

[sweetplt]

Hi and Welcome to Ex’s rinabaybee0818 

First, it is your quit...not theirs...have them come to the site and/or read about addiction and maybe they will understand it isn’t an easy journey, but it is doable.  Next, read at My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX and their you will plan a quit date, become more knowledgeable on the quit and your triggers, etc., then you will plan for your quit date like no other.  The night before your quit day, you will rid all smoking paraphernalia.  Then you will keep close to us and keep busy from smoking.  You will need to learn new and healthy techniques for stressful events, such as taking a walk, breathing techniques, etc., we are here for you...now get working.  ~ Colleen 490 DOF 

[MarilynH]

Good Monday morning rinabaybee0818 I'm so sorry that your boyfriend is being a total jerk he's making things much more stressful for you deep breaths and know that we're all here to help you in any way we can stay close to this site and read everything you can because there's a wealth of information right here on this site to strengthen your resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb permanently it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination BUT boy oh boy it's so worth it, concentrate on you and not him! Pick another quit date and start your day ONE, Keep your mind as well as your hands occupied and at the day you'll be able to say YAY for Day WON with many more to come it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to be much help but with commitment and perseverance you will make it through the roller coaster ups and downs of withdrawals and moodswings and lack of sleep to get to that good place in your quit where you realize how much better life is without the crutch of cigarettes you can do it please believe it......

[Barbscloud]

Welcome to the Ex.  The fact that you've come to this site means you have the desire  to quit.  Now it's about making the commitment.  It isn't easy, but with education about nicotine addiction and having a quit plan you'll be on the road to success.   As Colleen said, it's your quit, no one else's.   It's nice to have support, but many on this site quit without it.  That's what we're here for.  Things are always going to happen that make us want to smoke.  We've smoked for every activity and emotion, happy or sad.   That's why it so important to have plan in place for when life happens.  

Continue to read posts on this site, create a quit plan and pick a date.  You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain

We're here for you, so just each out if you need encouragement or just want to share your journey.   

Barb

[YoungAtHeart]

Welcome to the community!

Your boyfriend may just be upset because he is losing his "smoking buddy," or it could also be that he knows he should quit, and you are doing what he knows full well he should do but is not yet ready.  Give him some time to get used to the idea!  If he doesn't, just know you are doing the best thing for YOU and leave the subject out of any conversation with him.  WE can be your daily/hourly support 

An  important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This easy and entertaining read provided a world of good information about nicotine addiction, most of which I was not aware.  I credit it in large part with my success at quitting, even though I never found it easy!  You can search for it online or at your local library.

You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmoking.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. Here is a video to inform you further about nicotine addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpWMgPHn0Lo&feature=youtu.be.

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort after you have tried to delay and distract.   I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another. You need to start out with a plan to reduce use of them over time - which the patch does by decreasing the dose contained in them.. For the gum, you can start by cutting each piece in half, then in quarters, then sub regular gum of the same flavor in between, adding more and more regular gum.  For the lozenge, you need to start subbing a mint in between to begin, increasing the number of them over time. I do not recommend the e-cigarette for four reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, 3) it maintains the addiction to nicotine, and 4) they are proving to be unsafe.

It will be informative if you do the tracking and separation exercises recommended here on the site. As you track each cigarette smoked, note its importance, and what you might do instead. Put each one off just a little to prove that you don't NEED a cigarette just because you think you do.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time. You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy! Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it. You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

 Nancy

[rinabaybee0818]

Yes he is but thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it 

[elvan]

So sorry that your boyfriend is not offering you the support you need but PLEASE remember that this is an addiction and not a habit.  Recovering is a one day at a time journey, sometimes, one hour or one minute.  I advise you to distance yourself from your boyfriend as much as possible at least for now.  I used the mantra NOPE when I came here, it stands for Not One Puff Ever.  I said it over and over again and I came here every morning and every evening.  Sometimes, I came here in between.  Instead of smoking, I came to EX and I read blogs and comments and I asked for advice and I listened when it was offered.  We are here, you do not have to do this alone.

Welcome to EX,

Ellen