From 225 days... to 5 days.... in a Heartbeat.

[kris54]

It was that pivitol moment of upset.  that moment in which I DID NOT THINK.  I went from a good, solid, 225 day quit...... back to square one.

I'm good now.  But in that moment of upset... where I made a choice...subconcious or not..... to put a cigarette to my lips.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do... to CHOOSE NOT TO DO IT AGAIN.

I had a rough quit back on May 23, 2012.  I was having a love affair with cigarettes and it was a total loss for me...quitting.  But I did it.  For 8 months.  In in one split second..... I flushed 8 months down the toilet.  Now I am 5 days back into a new quit.  One cigarette....... and i am starting all over again.  😞

THINK.  REACH OUT.  PLAN FOR THIS MOMENT.

The very first puff...... All I felt was DREAD.  I knew I had just blown 8 months of hard work.  Learn from this.  There is no upset in the world that is worth risking your life for.  NONE.

I am so proud of all the new people here who are getting through the upsets of life.  They will always be there....... upsets.  I am so disappointed... but I am moving forward.  I did something that hurt me...... but it is behind me know.  I let myself down...... and I let other people down........ but I am proud of myself for getting right back on track.

There is NEVER a reason to smoke.  It is self destructive and it WILL kill you.  My Birthday was yesterday.  My Mom died of Lung Cancer 8 years ago.... on my Birthday.  That never leaves my mind.  I will continue to move forward in my quit........ 225 days..... minus one hour........ plus five days.   Love you Ma. ♥

[stonecipher]

Your relapse affected so many of us here.  For myself, I felt scared by it.  So it is good to read your blogs, and hear your resolve and your positive thinking.

Anniversaries like the one you had yesterday are hard. 

((((hug))))

[joyeuxencore]

Time is actually irrelevant beautiful woman…You are a non-smoker…period end of story… Do not beat you up…it is normal to be disappointed in yourself after all your hard work but the truth is you are smoke free! Free from the deadly addiction and that is ALL that matters! xo

[joyeuxencore]

[Buddy12]

golly! thanks so much for your post.....it'll help me (and others) in the future when we're tempted to try one. I know I'm gonna think of the emotions you've expressed in this post. thanks for your candor......you're brave for sharing.

[Jenny78]

So sad that your mom died on your birthday of lung cancer.  On Jan. 22 my husband will be gone 11 years from lung cancer.  Yes, it is a horrible thing to watch a loved one go like that.  I am sure that she would want you to still celebrate your birthday and go on living a full and happy life.  And I am sure that she is watching down from heaven so glad that you are smoke free.  xoxoxoxoxo

[kris54]

Yes! It is the key to staying QUIT!  THINK.  I did not think.  I acted in a moment of upset.... and the outcome was horrendous.  I knew IMMEDIATELY that I had F****ed up.  Let myself down.......; put nicotine into my body.  I knew I was looking my addiction right in the face again... and I have never been so pissed off at myself.  I AM better than a cigarette..... and so are all of you.

DO NOT ACT WITHOUT THOUGHT.

I was driving to work yesterday and a Barry Mantilow song came on.... and I pictured myself singing this love song to a cigarette and I burst out laughing.  WE ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN A CIGARETTE!!!

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.  PERIOD.

[Jordan-11-1-12]

~LIKE~

[aztec]

Glad you came back and the honesty you share touches my heart.

thank you for posting .

sorry to hear about your mom.

don't worry about time lost, its now that matters.

You are breathing instead of smoking, thats awesome.

You are not the only one who has lost time, At least you came right back, I went out for more than a decade on one of my quits. So kooodos to you.

quit date 5-5-09

aztec

[kris54]

Stone.... I would have felt the stirrings of an excuse inside my soul... if I had read it was you ...who screwed up...instead of me.  But it was me... not you.  YOU ARE SOLID. 

Remember...... I am WAY behind you know...... yelling to you from afar...... KEEP STRONG FRIEND..... I'll meet up with you later....... after I trudge through the murky waters of NML....... and the benigne nothingness of the days after.  It will take me MONTHS to say I am solid again.

I am not floundering....... but I do feel fear.  You... are my strength..... knowing you are strong...and knowing I can reach out to those of you who have weathered an upset that rocked your world.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  SO CAN I.  I BELIEVE IN US!

[kris54]

Once you break a quit......... you are slow dancing with the enemy again.

I'm on the right track..... but my God..... its hard.  AGAIN.

DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT. PLEASE.

[cathy90]

Happy Birthday!!! Sorry about your mom. I remember reading how you should not make such a big deal about the date or length of quit time.  Just don't smoke, it really doesn't matter, like we keep saying one day at a time. Just for today. I think the important thing is that you don't smoke and NOPE!!!!!  I'm starting to double think NOPE, that "ever" word at the end is annoying. I think it was good that you stopped again - quick!!  Less damage. NOPE!!!! NOT-Not One Today? YEAH your back!! Happy Birthday!!

[lois13]

good blog, we must stop and think before we lite up. congrats on 5 days,  if they dit not sell them may be it would not be so hard.

[mattie1224]

Kris - you are so strong - and this post is again inspiring - even though you stumbled, your resolve is infectious.  You are amazing and strong, you wil kick this addiction to the curb! Keep it up love!

[Strudel]

Kris - Sharing what you have learned helps you and others! You are so right - there is never a reason to go back - never! Stay close! 

[froguelady]

Kris, your blog will affect many lives, it will make people THINK before they light a killer smoke.  I am so very proud of you, not because you smoked but because you smoked ONE.  You could have smoked a whole pack but that one made you think what you had done and you CHOSE not to smoke anymore. We must be forever vigilant against the nicodemon, HE LIES. Have a good night  and stay close to EX, we love you.

The pain of losing your Mom is always hard to get through, it is for me also.

[Dakota_Posse]

We will always be here for you Kris......

Cindy

[justsayno3]

Lets cut to the chase.....The real reason you lost your quit was listening to 'Barry Manilow. That would make me smoke....LOL.....BBBBWWWWWaaaaaaahhhhh.

Glad you are back. 

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

I know you're hurting Kris. We are so happy for your quick return & are hoping this will be an example for those struggling. Sadly we usually have to experience those things for ourselves. We all watched loved ones die from smoking but yet we smoked on. Ours is a sick addiction.

Keep on keepin on Swetie,

M n @

[Danno_11-10-12]

Glad you are back Kris. Keep fighting!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

hugs

[joyeuxencore]

Time is actually irrelevant beautiful woman…You are a non-smoker…period end of story… Do not beat you up…it is normal to be disappointed in yourself after all your hard work but the truth is you are smoke free! Free from the deadly addiction and that is ALL that matters! xo

[Ex_Nancy]

♥

[warriorprincess]

Hi Kris! Im sooooo sorry! Your a fighter so move forward soldier!!!