The fourteenth month of my quit has just passed me by without my realizing. Haven't blogged in the last two months, although I had resolved to put up a blog post every month.
Been a very easy couple of months, where I had no discernable crave worth speaking of. The thought of smoking comes to me very rarely. In fact, I have generally been away from smoking situations and rarely been in smokers' company, so the lack of exposure is helping me quite a bit.
Coming to a point where I am looking at the whole smoking sickness as an inexplicable addiction which had taken away precious time, money and spirit from my life. As a smoker I was forced to live a life of lies everyday - that it does not matter, that it is my choice to smoke, that it makes me independent , that it makes me think better, that it makes me 'in' with the crowd, that it keeps me alert and so on.
All these thoughts have been huge lies that I was telling to myself, and in the process cheating myself of my true spirit.
It doesn't matter? It does matter hugely. The direction in which our life is going is hugely influenced by the presence or absence of chemical addictions.
It is my choice to smoke? This is probably the biggest self-con I ever indulged in. The nicotine half-life was the clock deciding on the timing of my smokes where I just rationalized an unconscious slavery with creative self-deceit. No question of choice, only nicotine-dictated compulsion.
Makes me independent? Personally for me, smoking was the first step towards my downward spiral to a life of indiscipline, lack of focus and compromise. Was the first step to getting into hard drinking, mixing up with failures and lowering of personal standards. It almost made me irredeemable instead of independent.
Makes me think better? From the time I quit smoking, except for the mind fog during the withdrawal phase of the first couple of months, I have been able to find the mental resources to indulge extensively in a number of hobbies - running, exercising, meditating, pranayama and - the thinking part comes here - extensive reading. Giving up smoking has become a stepping stone for discovering an almost lost part of my self.
Makes me 'in' with the crowd? Which crowd?.The crowd that does not believe in taking charge of their lives by their acts, habits and behaviour? . The crowd that shuts its eyes, ears and minds to the extensive damage nicotine is doing to the whole of humanity? Better to be 'out' than 'in', here.
Keeps me alert ? Today, as an ex-smoker into vigorous physical and spiritual exercises, my mental sharpness and toughness have increased manifold. As a smoker, I was in a mind-fog everyday when getting up in the morning and continued being a zombie till the first shot of nicotine fix. By the evening, after poisoning myself with about 15 cigarettes, I was deadbeat and had no energy to do anything except vegetate in front of the telly. Now I wake up bright-eyed and the energy levels are still up by the end of the day.
I know that a number of friends who smoke might read this blog post, but please know that the above observations are not to indulge in triumphalism nor to belittle current smokers. On the contrary, it is an earnest plea to everyone to understand the abysmal levels of degradation that nicotine causes and the enormous benefits that are waiting to happen once we take the first bold steps to step out of the self-inflicted chains of nicotine bondage.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step - the step of deciding that we shall Never Take Another Puff.
Best wishes to all.
