As I was making the real decision to quit back in 2004, one of my reasons was anger. No not road rage or the anger from being wronged, but a self inflicted anger. I was so angry at myself for smoking for so long. I was angry at myself for allowing my selfish pleasure to take the place of my loved ones. I was angry at myself for letting cigarettes have so much control over my life. I was angry at myself for wasting so much money on smoking. I was angry at myself for putting this off for such a long time. I was angry at myself for turning cigarettes into a god & smoking into a religion.
At the beginning of my quit it would drive me crazy with anger when I thought of those things. All I could see was a pathetic & selfish individual that cared more for smoking than his own family. That wasn't neccessarilly true but that was the way I saw it. I know people thought I was mad all the time but I had forewarned my everyday companions of my intentions. I recieved a lot of good advice from some who had been through it also. "You can't dwell on it Mike, you have to forgive yourself." Let me tell you that forgiving someone else for any transgression is a lot easier than forgiving yourself. You know firsthand of all the atrocities you have implemented just so you could have your time with your precious smokes. It's not an easy task but just like quitting it can be done. Just like quitting it takes some time. You can't forget those things or you may fall. You must not dwell on those things either for they will eat you up & make you miserable. So while you're working on this quit, work on forgiving yourself.
