A few hours ago I saw a post from my best friend on Facebook saying he had a good night and shared photos. it was a mutual friend's 40th and I wasn't invited. When I asked him what was new he lied in messages and said not a whole lot. This dug up so much anxiety and sadness because it reminded me of how lonely my social life is.
It seems that all my friends are only on Facebook and not even making an effort to make plans with me. I had invited my best friend over a few weeks ago and it all went to plan and all. But it seems he never invites me over vice versa anymore. I have had one friend who'd try and make plans with me to catch up. But would always cancel on the last minute so I'd stop trying to follow through also.
I've learnt a lot about what my anxiety feels like. It hurts me in so many ways. I feel that intense sickly buzzing feeling in my chest. Then when that goes away my heart-strings literally feel completely destroyed. The sore aftermath that eats me up inside.
In my 20s I have had to learn to accept what was not within my control. When the abusive relationship ended. It wasn't within my control. What my friends do away from me is not within my control and I have to come to terms with all of that. But still it hurts.
Therefor it has dug up triggers for me to do things that aren't good for me like drinking like how it had used to trigger me to smoke in the past. So I came here instead to vent because I know you all can relate to this. I am still smoke free and with my drinking I am trying to be strong. I haven't caved in today.
