Feel in a hole

[Snoofy83]

So in November I had a big fight with my husband and then went out and got a pack of cigarettes and chain smoked 6. We signed up for marriage counseling (which is going really well by the way) and I shoved them in a drawer and left them there til Christmas. Christmas hits and I of course think it's ok to have one. Then I decided it was ok to have one new years, then for the month of January I had one almost every day, and told myself when the pack was gone that was it. Well the pack has been gone since jan 18th, about 2 weeks, and it kinda sucks. 

I know it's a mental dependence but that doesn't exactly make it better, or maybe it does, this is the first time I've slipped and not fallen whole hog into smoking again, but that makes the nicing me just say "well then you could smoke one a day" which isn't true, I know how quickly that would turn into more, and even if it didn't it would still be a dependence. I have enough trouble with carbs and chocolate, actually I think thats part of what triggered everything in dec, starting a diet because in the last yr I've put on 25 lbs, combo of covid and quitting smoking and dental surgery which left me with food options of mush or mush (mushy food is never healthy food).

So, I've never tried to diet while not smoking and it SUCKS. the hunger is real. I'm on a 2 week plateau, I've lost 6 lbs but haven't  lost anything else in 2 weeks, and it's really frustrating. Also drinking makes for fluffy tummies so I'm generally feeling super deprived. 

So, I colored my hair pink, I bought a bunch of mani pedi stuff to occupy me, and I got gum. I don't want to be a cow but I also don't want to smoke. Since I quit vaping my heart is doing great, I'm getting lots of exercise and camping with the kids, I've never been so active or so heavy, super annoying that those things are going together, but I don't want to smoke, even a little bit or once in a while. I want to look at a pack of cigarettes and go blah, now I go blah and still want one, but I don't want to.

I'm glad it wasn't vaping though, because that is super sneaky and easy to hide, I don't want to do anything easy to hide, and at least I have a rough idea of how much nicotine I was taking in.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

It sounds as if you really do not want to smoke. I am sorry that you took that one puff that set you back. It is not the one cig that will trip you up it is the one puff I hope you have learned from your relapse and not make the same mistake again.. Quitting isn't easy. Come here often. Do whatever is necessary not to smoke. Congrats on almost 2 weeks of freedom. I hope all things will work out for you.  in the meantime Stay close. Come here before you smoke. 

[Snoofy83]

I'm calling this part of the learning curve of how to be functional without smoking, hopefully I won't get into another fight that bad with my husband, the therapy is helping us figure out how to deal with stress and each other without getting maxed out on emotions and stress, which i think will also help with smoking urges. I'm not going to keep track of the quit, feels depressing to do that, I'm just going to focus on doing  other stuff until it's not at the top of my mind anymore.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

I am happy that you and your husband have reached out for marriage therapy. Life happens. No one is perfect If you continue not to smoke no matter what you will gain new tools to better deal with emotional family crisis without nicotine. In time you may become calmer. Quitting smoking is more than just quitting it is relearning your mindset and behavior.  Life changes. It does not happen over night.  It takes a lot of work of living life with clouding it with smoking. If you continue you will be able to see a lot clearer. Trust me.  You can do this because so many of us have with the NOPE concept.  Stay close. Ready Study Blog Research.  We will support. you. 

[indingrl]

Thanks for sharing and I am SOOOOO glad YOU are NICOTINE FREE - no worries - cut some straws in half and suck on them OR cinnamon flavored tooth picks to chew on and say EVERYDAY OUT LOUD - I don't smoke anymore - please gather YOUR OWN personal QUIT TOOLS that will work for YOU when a CRAVE hits - I have peppermint candies - I bite into a lemon peel and all then drink water and blog about what is going on that just had ME ready to .......... OR blog just to VENT and let it all out - and please give US time to respond - read and read and read to get a NEW MINDSET and NEW ideas and NEW habits and NEW non smoker life style - thank you for giving ME HOPE that I am NOT alone - I may NOT think of smoking TODAY - I too gotta watch comfort FOOD eating MY emotions - YOUR not alone and s.i.n.a.o. Smoking Is Not An Option for ME just for TODAY 

[elvan]

Congratulations on your quit.  You CAN do this, please remember that smoking does nothing FOR you but it could be doing lots TO you. It is just not worth it to keep going.  All that smoking when you are angry does is to stuff down your feelings. It doesn't resolve anything, nothing gets better because you smoked...dealing with feelings is the most challenging part of quitting.  At least it was for me.  I had to make my quit one day at a time and then, one FEELING at a time.  I had to learn how to deal with feelings WITHOUT smoking.  You CAN do this and it WILL get easier, remember that.  You will get stronger and you will learn all kinds of things about yourself...GOOD things. Hang in there.  It gets easier.  I used the mantra NOPE, Not One Puff Ever, I came here every day in the morning and the evening.  I read everything I could find about nicotine addiction.  I had quit many times in the past but this was different because there was support, education, and advice.  This site WORKS!  

Ellen

[Barbscloud]

So glad you came back to the Ex.  This isn't easy, but you can do it. Use the support from the Ex community to help your quit.   We're here to support you and want you to be successful.  Stay .close and reach out if you need encouragement or to share you're journey.

One day at a time.

Barb

[sweetplt]

Snoofy83 So glad you came back to Ex’s...re do the reading material and keep close to the support group to get help and to encourage others on this journey...it isn’t easy, but you can do it...~ Colleen 792 DOF