I learned yesterday how very important sharing and getting support from all my EX friends is. My Day 8 blog talked about my tsunami crave and it was only through the comments that I grasped that fear of the crave is one of the biggest triggers for relapse. I am a newbie who is learning every day and I can tell you with certainty, that crave activated the liar in my brain who undermines my confidence in my quit, who laughs at my revising my self-image to that of a non-smoker, who promises me comfort if I only relent. I'm not saying I have a bigger issue with that than anyone else who quits, but yesterday made me realize that I must protect my quit by confronting that liar every time I hear that voice (and sometimes I hear it when I'm not even having a crave!) DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HEARING VOICES.
I feel very sure that without the information I got from the responses to my post I would have given in to that liar -- maybe not today, maybe not in a week, but eventually. I know that I cannot "white knuckle" this quit. With alcoholics they call it a "dry drunk" -- they've stopped consuming alcohol, but they haven't changed their thinking. I need to sit with the feelings that come up as those craves hit me, and know that they will pass. And even when they're REALLY BIG craves, I have to not panic, just sit with it until it goes.
So those are my thoughts on Day 9. I think yesterday actually was the end of "hell" week and I'm now in "heck" week. I'm not quite so glib about sailing through this quit as I was before yesterday, but I'm confident that every bump in this road is teaching me something.
