I felt compelled to come here tonight and blog. For those of you who don't know me I have 900+ days of being smoke free. Don't congratulate me. I quit because I was diagnosed with Severe emphysema and Copd. I wasn't given a warning, I suddenly was told my life span was severely shortened and I would eventually need a double lung transplant to live. I am not yet 50 years old.
I mourn for the young and energetic me. I mourn for the life I had. Now I am tethered to an oxygen cannula 24 hours a day. When I can leave my house I carry a portable tank in my purse. I will never know life without a tube in my nose until I get bad enough that they will put me on a transplant list.
I am not blogging for pity. I despise pity. I am strong and I don't need someone to feel sorry for me. I didn't come here to gain anything ..... except perhaps to stop one person from ever picking up a cigarette again.
The last 6 or 8 months the symtoms of this disease are getting worse. I was just given the last (new) medication available to help me, other than handfuls of pain medication to dull the ache in my chest. I am now experiencing memory issues worse than ever, which makes writing very difficult. I will lose a word or a train of thought and sit here minutes saying or thinking words or phrases until something comes to me. It is from lack of oxygen to my brain. I am losing stability. I get dizzy easily and sometimes stager.
My chest is tight. For those of you without this disease my best way to describe this is to compare it to diving too deep in the water and that tightness you feel in your chest before you can get to the surface and breath in that sweet deep breath. Well.... I haven't had that breath in about a year, and then only on fortunate days.
I got a call tonight. One of those calls that as soon as you hear the voice and the first sentence, your blood runs cold and your heart just feels heavy.
One of my best friends through Jr. High and High School's sister called to tell me her little sister had just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I can't recall dates (when I hear bad news I get selective hearing) but they opened her up to do a lobectomy (which is pretty much a lung volume reduction surgery) they were going to remove one or both upper lobes, but once they opened her up they found cancer had went into her lymphatic system, They are doing a brain scan next week to see if it has metastasized. Her course of action now is chemo, but of course they will not know how bad or how long until all tests are done.
I am not a very religious person... but please pray for her. Her name is Gail and I love her, she is 49 years old.
This makes me just want to SCREAM at cigarettes. We started smoking together, sneaking cigarettes and going "for walks" to smoke them. We were maybe 13. Because ..... YES, we knew they were supposed to be bad for us, but "nothing bad will ever happen to us".
Please when you begin to think this couldn't happen to you... remember that Copd is the 4th leading cause of death in the U.S. and 3rd world wide. THERE IS NO CURE and very few treatment options.
There is only one way to slow down the progression and that is quitting smoking and early detection.
