Doing this: For Me

[fmorris]

One week ago on Wednesday, July 11, 2018, was my quit date. I've been okay with the nicotine gum & patches, smoking coach & stress remedies in place. My boyfriend & I got into a heated disagreement the night day before it would be a week that I hadn't smoked. 

I didn't like his tone of voice regarding something so minuscule. I almost slipped. I was on my way out of the door until he stopped me from going to buy cigarettes. I realized that I can not allow stress to determine my actions. I do not want to smoke anymore.

I have made a promise to myself, if I can not handle "relationship stress" during this process then, perhaps that should of gotten tossed in the garbage along with the last of my cigarettes & lighter.

I don't need to have any excuses for wanting to light u. Nor to I need to give an excuse for wanting to light up. What I do need is a compassionate Man who is compassionate all the time. Not just on the "good days". Especially being that he is an ex-Smoker. What I need is to keep first & foremost in my mind is that I want to live a longer, healthier, happier life.

I believe the smoke has cleared.... 

[Daniela2016]

Great you are quitting for you, it is the best decision one can make regarding their health.

And welcome to the community. 

I do not know if you have been greeted before, if not, many will respond to your blog, and provide you with lots of learning materials to help you with the quit. 

One thing which helped me a lot was the book "the easy way to quit smoking" by Allan Carr, you can find on Amazon, the kindle format is really cheap.

As for your relationship, as someone probably way older than you, I would say not to jump the gun, you are pretty emotional at the beginning of the quit, keep your distance, and re-evaluate when you feel more secure on your quit.

It might have been easier for your partner to quit, or he might have experienced different emotions than you do.

If you come here, you'll certainly find someone who's quit seems a lot like yours and can be your partner along the way.  Or an elder who might be able to help you because having gone through the same emotional state as you in their quit.\

Congratulations on your decision!!!

[elvan]

Welcome to EX....stay close to the site and read everything you can.  I strongly suggest reading a blog written by JonesCarpeDiem‌ that I read and re-read early in my quit.../blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months  Remember that all of your feelings SEEM magnified right now, it is okay to get angry...stuffing anger down with a cigarette is NOT okay.  It doesn't work...the object of your anger does not spontaneously combust...believe me, I know.  We have to learn to accept feelings as they are and try to understand that people who never smoked learned to deal with their emotions more gradually.  You are doing GREAT, that first week is a wild one and many people have lost quits because of anger.  Your boyfriend probably did not mean to make it harder for you.

You can do this.

Best to you,

Ellen

[MarilynH]

Welcome to the community you've made the best decision that you'll ever make in your lifetime and it's definetly the best gift that any of us will ever give ourselves which is the gift of LIFE ,stay close to this site because we're all here to help you in any way we can......

[Barbscloud]

Welcome to the Ex.   I keep repeating this saying I heard "Someone hurts me, so I beat myself up".  Don't let your quit depend on someone else's issues.  I can sympathize with that.  I say I quit smoking in spite of my him.  Daniela is right.  Being a fairly recent quit myself, you're emotions are going to be all over the place.  Learning to feel the emotions you've been suppressing with nicotine isn't easy.  The first week of quitting is rough - that's why they call it Hell Week.  Give yourself time to adjust.  You're just beginning this journey. You can do it.

130 DOF

[elvan]

Barbscloud‌ I never heard that expression before...I LOVE it!

[shashort]

Welcome to EX this is a great place for support and education.  Read everything you can to learn about this addiction.  Just tell yourself when you get angry, mad or sad that smoking will not help a thing as you will have worse feelings after smoking that cigarette and have to start back to day one. Know that this is a journey and your emotions are going to run rampand for awhile, you will be more sensitive, so be easy on the boyfriend, just separate from him when you feel irritable. With time it will get better as long as you do the work and keep saying NOPE (not on puff ever) and you don't do that anymore will help.  Believe in yourself that you CAN do this because you CAN.   Come here regularly blog and let us know how you are doing or if you need help write HELP in blog and we will come running. Keep it in the day or moment but say YES YOU CAN!!!!

[maryfreecig]

High five for turning a would be smoking moment into a triumph. Great work. Letting anger control us is one of the most unpleasant emtional places any one of us can be in---but you made it out. Keep the smober days coming. Love your nickname.

[fmorris]

Hi maryfreecig,

I need to just say that I’ve never joined any type of blog before & when I read your very nice comment, it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Yes, I am in such an emotional state these days. Not daily but occasionally.

Yet knowing that ….”this too shall pass” is helping me maintain my cool.

As well as knowing I can type away the cravings & vent to others who have walked in my shoes.

I also want to thank you for loving my nickname.

I love it so very much as well ! LOL

It is so very nice blogging with decent folks who understand & have the empathy needed for what I am going through.

…lmaooo.. I wish I knew more about how to get back to the “original blog” to post a comment. I will figure it out though. LML

Enjoy the day & be glad in it!

Baby Girl

[fmorris]

Dahhh, I found how to get back into the blog....

Hell week for sure. LOL Hell weeks...I have to admit it is getting easier. Just irritable as heck. I don't like the feeling of something controlling me. Now the cravings are turning to irritability. It may sound sort of weird, but it amazes me seeing what these cravings are putting me through. Although it is not welcomed.....I accept the "feeling" , I've been silently cursing at it saying, " Get the hell out of here!!";  I don't want anyone around to think I am insane.   LML What ever works right?

Then I just move on to staying busy; work environment is a great place. THANK GOD!!!

(Boy is my house clean!!)

[fmorris]

Thank you for that Marilyn. Much appreciated.

[fmorris]

Thank you so much for your insight elvan. You are correct my boyfriend didn't mean to make it harder for me & apologized ever so sweet & profusely. I have to remember that I am also putting some sort of stress on others during this time. I have recognized that & I am dealing ways to alleviate this factor.  He is so good to me in so many ways & good for me. I am learning to control the outbursts & emotions. I do not take him nor anything for granted. He works very hard & so do I.

So if he states a "little something-something" that may irritate me, I will just have to pull up my "big-girlie pants" LOL.... voice my concern about it calmly.... or  just friggin "pick & choose" my battles.

Understanding that he is human & needs to vent as well.

I ended up purchasing my boyfriend a small gift, a longer charger for his cell phone; & a very nice card, & wrote him a "thank you & I appreciate you dearly" note enclosed in the card. He was surprised, loved it & was very satisfied with receiving such a thing unexpectantly. I needed  to show him & tell him that I not only appreciate him immensely & need a bit more compassion right now but that I also respect his patience & what HE is going through with me.  

I thank you dearly for reading & hearing me.

[fmorris]

Thank you Daniela so very, very much for your very compassionate & warm words. All so very true & so very on the point. I am considered an "elder": LOL -55 & so very grateful to be alive. A lot of folks say that I can pass for 30. (They don't see me before the gray is covered).  (he, he). I surly hope I find someone on this blog that I can just chat with occasionally; while sharing common struggles. Again, I thank you.  

[maryfreecig]

Good to hear of your progress! Way to go.

[maryfreecig]

Good to hear of your progress! Way to go.

[elvan]

I am SO PROUD of you...I wanted to tear people's faces off when I first quit...my temper was absolutely unpredictable and I reacted to things I never thought would bother me.  I actually felt sorry for my husband and son because I expected both of them to understand what I was going through since they both went through recovery from addiction...my husband from alcohol and cigarettes and my son from other substances.  I expected them to remember what it was like and I expected them to understand how HARD it was.  Poor guys, they didn't know what hit them and unlike YOU, I did not give them gifts.  You are a good person, clearly someone who pays attention to others even in this really challenging time.  

I am happy for you AND for him...he's a lucky guy.

Ellen

[fmorris]

Goof morning Elvan,

OMG….you guys are just tear jerkers!! I will have to prepare myself before just jumping into this blog-- knowing that someone is going to satisfy my soul with such kindness.

I am such an emotional mess these days; & I realize & understand that this is the norm. (Withdrawal).

Yes, thank you- that is what I am known for caring for others in spite of what I am going through. It honestly satisfies my soul sooo very much. I implement this in my workplace as well; just professional channeling.

Yet to hear someone compliment me on something that I only did out of gratitude & love-- it just feels so very good; warms my soul! & YOU don’t even know me.

I do recognize with you wanting to rip off someone’s’ head. LOL - That almost happened TWICE during this transition; in regard to my boyfriend.

He is killing me with kindness & understanding. He wants me to quit & be successful. He is willing to pay close to 300 for laser therapy to kill the cravings. In which, I am refusing. I will tough this out til the end. I don’t want to waste his money. In the back of my mind I hear a voice saying, “ what if…..I slip”. That would be 295.00 down the drain.

We both work very hard. Pulling up my big girl pants & fighting this addiction with everything I have.

I refuse to allow this to control my life any longer.

You know, It is actually making me very irritable when I think of how uncomfortable this addiction is making me feel.

I am such a happy person normally & I will beat this & move forward.

OMG Elvan…as you know this is one of hardest things to go through. I am so very glad that I have YOU & the others to chat with.

Just the typing helps as well & venting.

No one knows how you REALLY feel except an ex-smoker. I commend you for all that you have been through with your family & sharing that with me.

--That gives me EVEN more inspiration. (I don’t want to sound corny). I sincerely mean that.

I’ve raised eight children & the youngest is 18 the oldest is 35. Six girls & 2 boys; fraternal twins girls in the bunch! 3 with slightly special needs.

All are successful in their lives & doing well.

Except one of the boys; my oldest son. I’ve had to treat him w/ “tough love”. At age 26 he still doesn’t get it. Yet he will.

I was married young at 19 & my boyfriend was 21; fresh out of the Army.

My boyfriend is actually my ex-husband. --So we have been dating for 4 yrs. now. He knows me better than I probably know myself. LOL

We are still learning tolerance, picking & choosing our battles. & are growing old together.

It is hilarious to look back at how we were when we were younger & the “forgetful” things that we do now at this time in our lives.

--(Me being 55, him at 57). HILARIOUS!

Well I need to earn my pay; I will be in touch a bit later today.

Enjoy the day Elvan & be glad in it!

[fmorris]

Thank you. That is a perfect word for this transition…progress…indeed A WORK IN PROGRESS.

Enjoy the day!

[elvan]

You are so welcome...man, anyone who has raised eight kids is awesome.  

We are all here for you and every single one of us wants you to succeed at becoming smoke free...you will not believe how empowering it is.  You will grow in ways you never considered...wow, your boyfriend is actually your ex husband?  That is amazing.

Staying close to the site SAVED me more than once...people like you make it worth sticking around for people like me.

Hugs,

Ellen