Disgust, Sorrow, Regret, Blood Sugar, Non-Coughing, Good Fortune

[Justdeda1]

Hi, justdeda1 here (-:

Day 18quit, Day 2 no NR aids, and spent a lot of time in web looking for info about nicotine withdrawal symptoms in general, and specifically, two topics, question why I haven't started coughing yet, and question why my first fasting blood sugar 1 or 2 days post cessation was quite low.

I tried to find discussions about these things here in EX, but, as anyone who has tried to help me navigate here can confirm, figuring out how to find things quickly is not one of my skills.  Answers on the web, mostly Mayo, but many others as well, were just a click short and a topic late.  The wonderful Nasia Davos promised a video with both post quit coughing and post quit NON-coughing, which I couldn't find, tho I did find lots and lots of other good stuff, all interesting, much relevant, none answering the question of why I'm not coughing yet.  (If anyone has seen that particular Nasia video, please post the url, and thanks!), or why a non-diabetic's blood sugar would drop seriously low on Day 2 or 3, with nicotine patch.

Low blood sugar first:  There was no perspiration, weakness, shaking or confusion.  I was irritable, which I attributed to waiting in a cold exam room for 1.5hrs while fasting, and also to smoking withdrawal.  Professionally interesting, in retrospect, is that I was subjectively colder than the people around me who also noted that the exam room was cold.  But I felt only a sweater type cold, no chills, and my hands and feet were warm.  Was that hypoglycemia?  Ok, you may say (or may not, I can't force you) why is that a question? My past several blood glucose results have been in the 70's which, when I started practicing (RN) in the early 1970s would have been considered below normal range, today considered normal.  So that day, my blood glucose was 65.  (I think you divide by 18 to get the rest of the world's number, so that would be 3.61.)  Regarding web research, I discovered that blood sugar might become dangerously low post quit with a diabetic quitter, but I'm not diabetic (I hope!!!).  I will see my PMD Monday, so maybe he can explain.  IF ANYONE HAS HAD THIS ISSUE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE WHATEVER YOU'VE LEARNED, AND THANK YOU!

Non-coughing post quit:   The last time I stopped, in July 2015, I was in the hospital for three weeks with severe pneumonia and empyema.  I don't really count that, because my post enforced-quit cough was from the pneumonia.  After I was released, I also had to do "therapeutic coughing", which involves forcing a cough after breathing deeply several times, blah, blah, anyone who's done it knows what I'm talking about.  By the time all the pneumonia was gone from my lungs, about 8 weeks, so was the desire to keep the quit going,  The previous "real" quit was in 1986, for 2 years.  I recall quite vividly that my coughing post quitting was something terrible.  Lots of crap coming up for weeks and months.  So, I'm quite confused, and becoming a trifle alarmed, that I stopped coughing the very day I stopped smoking.  The only time I have coughed in the past 18 days has been the result of something going down the wrong way, and this happened only twice.  No phlegm coming up, no mucus.  Maybe the PMD will explain.... IF ANYONE HAS HAD THIS ISSUE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE WHATEVER YOU'VE LEARNED, AND THANK YOU!

Post Quitter's Crazy Emotional Stuff:  Today I went looking for the daily pledge, which I promised myself upon joining EX I would avoid if possible, and which always seems to pop up when I'm looking for something else.  So I went to the daily pledge page, which was then at page 45, and went to the end, so I could do the passing the hand thing, and it didn't work.  So after a few tries, I moved on to almost just as good, rating my quit achievements and my smoking losses on the calculator.  I entered the information in the boxes, and, saw, to my shock and horror and dismay --I am guessing this is one of the main reasons for having a calculator chart in the first place-- what I've done, how I've misspent my life's vitality, how I've ruined my life and my children's lives (my former husband's life we won't discuss-- that problem was unrelated to smoking).  I started to cry.  I became nauseated.  I was filled with enormous self-disgust.  Disgust.  Revulsion.  What you might feel at the smells and sights in an overused and undermaintained public restroom.  What you might feel if you see someone beating their children. 

I have great sorrow for the damage I've caused to the one body I was given.  If indeed my cilia are permanently damaged, if indeed I've become diabetic, I can't apologize to my body for what I've done so irresponsibly.  We, my body and my brain, will both have to live with this terrible, terrible stupidity.

I have regret, for the smell of anything that is in my house, even in the rooms I keep closed.  I have regret for the smelly ashes i put in freezer ziplocs before putting in the garbage bags, then into bins in the building basement, not even realizing (until post quit) that my garbage is, quite pungently, a smoker's garbage.  I have regret (ok, also disgust, but mostly regret) for the weird color my kitchen has taken on from years of cigarette smoke staining.  I have regret for the loss of so many teeth that i have to wear an appliance in order to eat.  That probably would have fallen under "sorrow for permanent losses", except I passed that phase 20 years ago, and now it's merely regret.

I am trying very hard to remember how absolutely fortunate I am.  My toes have gone back to pink.  My lower legs have stopped having that scary dark pink tinge.  I can breathe all the way in without feeling any congestion, and all the way out without wheezing.  Although I'm sleeping too much just now, I'm not coughing when I wake up, whether in the middle of my sleep or at the end of it.  My acupuncturist told me my pulses are stronger, and my tongue is MUCH less congested, meaning my liver health is improving.  Blood pressure is doing very well.  My children are very pleased for me.  I'm grateful that I've stumbled upon a web community that offers so many resources for the quitter and peri-quit pursuers of information and support.

I am so grateful that there is a forum where I can unload these feelings.  It's true, I have nobody around me to share with in my real life.  It's true, I talk to myself a lot as a result of being alone, and internet posting is a form of talking to oneself aloud, just more annoying to more people.  Luckily, the flip side of internet posting in community forums is: nobody forces anyone to read what they choose not to read!

Hoping again that anyone with info on post quit non-coughing, or post quit low blood sugar without diabetes, please @ me?

Thanks,

deda