Disfunctional Families, Drinking, Arguing, Camping & still Avoided Relapse!!

[gmvirtual_gina]

OK - just to be clear - I do NOT recommend that anyone subject themselves to everything in the title all at once during their quit!!! But for some reason, God decided I needed to be tested this weekend!! So here goes....my blog and Ode to my quit! 🙂

So we decided last minute this weekend after 2 full days of family baby showers and reunions-- to go camping(you know with friends, campfires and smokers!). It was a strange weekend for me anyhow, lots of family and some wine and beer here and there, along with this new hyer-sensitive side of me that has popped up since my quit.....and I had some "let's yell at hubby, because it is all his fault" moments - multiple times over the weekend.

Of course none of it was his fault - but we kick the ones we love the most right!! Anyhow, I'm not writing to talk about my "off" moments, hubby and I chatted and worked through all of them last night. But what amazed me the most is all of my normal major triggers happened ALL in one weekend:

-disfunctional family issues
-overwhelming number of disfunctional family in one place - on 2 different days!
-camping with drinking and smoking friends
-surges of emotions
-drinking
-arguing

Since my quit, I have tried to really back off from social drinking. a few here and there, but I know myself and I was afraid if i did I would lose my quit. This weekend at the campfire I had a few beers and at the family gathering I had a couple of glasses of wine. The thought of smoking kinda came and went in some more powerful tinges....but really getting up walking away, and coming back was all it took. It was so weird. Even during the arguments, I was able to walk away, and it wasn't a big issue.

So while drinking really doesn't help our quit AT ALL, I feel at 6 weeks, that I like being QUIT, I am proud of my quit, and I don't want to go back and I think that's what keeps me from giving in....at least so far. I don't ever want to get too strong about it.....but having gotten through this crazy weekend.....well it just made me feel that much more empowered about my control over this DEMON!!!

And don't get me wrong above guys.........the tinges are strong when we drink....I don't want to down play that. that demon we think is dying/dead - when we drink and he gets power! The addiction comes and plays big tricks with your mind!! The demon, he gets life breathed back into his pathetic soul........so it was stupid to drink and it wasn't fun to fight him this weekend.....so for those of you that think - well must be easy for her.....I didn't explain it right. I wish it was easy.

The drinking certainly makes it harder. BUT - if our quit is important enough to us......you can fight it, walk away. There was one point, I literally just got up from the campfire and went into the trailer and started cleaning, toilets, floors, whatever. My hubby came in confused and said....."what the heck?, someone was telling a story and you just left??" and I said, I had to leave. the craving hit and I just didn't know what else to do......! We have to be stronger than the demon and it's NOT easy. But it can be done!! It your quit matters to you, it can be done!!

Also --- having this site!! my friends here - thank you checking in on me while I was gone. I thought about causing some of my buddies to worry because I hadn't checked in. And I am sorry if you did worry - but it was soooo cool to come back and see so many loving and fun comments and messages in my inbox!!! It just really made my day guys!! Hugs to everyone's hearts!!!! I missed you too!!

[catherine-baker]

Wow.I appreciate everything you shared here, Gina. And I do understand and relate. It does not cease to amaze me that i used cigarettes (ie...the nicotine in them) to mask everything and the illusion kept it that way. I had no idea just how much I used cigarettes behind EVERYTHING I did. I had to smoke before and after an argument. Before, during & after a phone conversation. I smoked to get so called courage to confront people, I smoked after sex ~ why to numb great intimacy, I smoked 1st thing in the morning to "get me going" and smoked to "calm me down" ...how could it do both? We are not depriving ourselves from anything and losing nothing by not being able to smoke anymore....all that happened when WE DID smoke. I love reading more and more about peoples experiences they have with being a non-smoker and smashing the illusion! Thank you for helping me, Gina!!

[Kim6]

Ah! You are AWESOME!! Rock-on girl!!

[david-hibling]

Hi when I get together with my family I yearn for being related to the Adams or Simpsons

[gmvirtual_gina]

ha ha ha David that is funny.....sometimes I do feel like the Adams little sister!! I have a big flaw when I drink, I like to try and fix other people's problems, and oddly enough they love to tell me about them. So we get into very very long conversations and smoking always worked with that. My attention is so short these days....I can't sit....and my friends still talk!! I just say warn them.....it's all i can do!!

[david-hibling]

Yep we all had those long evenings sorting the world out with a hundred glasses of wine and a thousands cigs but I have recently had similar evenings with the wine and no digs - and it also dawned on me that my dear non smoking friends have always had long social nights of talking - drinking sorting problems laughing crying listening to music etc without a drug like nicotine

[cindywilson]

in the dictionary under dysfunctional is my family waving at you, trust me, recently I made the journey to spend several days with my mother and survived with my quit intact, I also felt empowered, as a matter of fact everytime I walk away that is how I feel. Like Superwoman, glad you made it and hope you are feeling like Superwoman too and glad you are back was really worried. I go for walks or just move away from folks when it gets too much, like at the cookout, where smoking became a tandem sport, I had to walk away and that is what I did, always protect that quit is my motto and yours too obviously:) Be Proud, great job!

[gianna]

I also have dysfunctional family members. Actually, with the social drinking this weekend was a bitch! I definitely have to watch the wine/beer intake. The most profound thing you said was the new super sensitive side I was wondering if it had something to do with the smoking because I have been like a different person emotionally. It is actually spooking me out, I noticed I am belligerent and at the same time almost a cry baby which is not like me at all. Anyway I am happy you made it through your weekend kind of sounds like mine including whipping the husband (jk) Happy you made it through, definitely not surprised.

[david-hibling]

Nicotine deadens the effect of other drugs like caffeine and alcohol so when we (hooray!) stop smoking we get the caffeine or alcohol buzz much quicker andwe need to remember that to adjust

[gmvirtual_gina]

Gianna, - I don't know the facts and I bet someone will post it. My theory is our dopamine levels are all out of whack, our lives have changed and despite the strength in our quits, we are still mourning a loss even when it's not obvious or evident. I am super sensitive, things make me cry or hurt my feelings that are so trivial. My hubby is grateful I quit, so he is sooo very tolerant of my new sensitive side, but I always think if people don't have the support it would be even worse! things really set me off easy!!

Emotionally we are a bit different, whatever our drug affected physically is gone now, we are learning to function physically and mentally without it....and there will be changes...things we know now and things I suspect we have yet to experience. I like that you said you are beligerant......because I am often tooo......it really sucks, and if my dog wasn't only 9 pounds I'd likely kick him often...! 🙂 YAY for US on our QUIT....despite our new issues! ha ha!! HUGS!

Cindy - yup we are superwomen!!! Love your dictionary reference! I suspect that there is no such things as "functional" family!

[Christine13]

Gina, hey, yeah, I can sure relate to the dysfunctional family. I always say define "normal" There is no normal!! I sure do understand the wine/alcohol bring on the cravings big time. Thanks for teaching me how to just walk away!!
Hugs,
Christine

[doris_mccoy]

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